Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.

I don't get why a teen would be mad, and I have a 14-year-old (boy). Telling him I'm not spending that amount of money on X is very common, whether in front of friends or alone. He's never gotten upset about it and his friends have never batted an eye.

He goes to private school and has some uber rich friends but he's never once been embarrassed or mad when I said we're not buying this/doing that.

Same. My son is so used to hearing it that he now considers the cost before he makes a purchase on his own. I can give him $20 for lunch out with his friends and he tells me he only got an entree and drink, and not the "meal" because it was so expensive, like $8 vs $12. He has the money but he thinks before he spends it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re fine.

Also 14 year olds are weirdos who literally don’t want the other kids to even know they have parents, so she’ll be hissing at you about how embarrassing you are for a year or two more. Was discussing this with my husband today as our youngest is 14 and in this phase. His 16 year old brother is finally out of it.

I could have written this. My 16 year old son is much better now. Everything I say, do, wear or any look on my face is embarrassing to my middle school daughter. I don’t think you said anything wrong. You can’t do anything right at this age.

Ha! I tease my 14 y/o daughter that she wants to pretend that she has no parents and simply appeared on the earth

[Anonymous]

Make her use her allowance money, once she starts paying for things herself she’ll have an opportunity to learn how to budget and build money skills

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong. Teens are hypersensitive to this kind of stuff. Knowing that she is this sensitive though, I wouldn't make such comments in the future around her peers, because even if they don't care apparently your DD really cares.

[Anonymous]

Are you actually poor? If so then I see why she would be sensitive (but either way you of course did nothing wrong).

If you are not poor, this is a teaching opportunity, because she should not be sensitive about the issue if you are middle or upper class. Tell her there are kids starving all over the world and she needs to get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make her use her allowance money, once she starts paying for things herself she’ll have an opportunity to learn how to budget and build money skills

Good idea! Better yet, make her start babysitting to actually earn the money.

[Anonymous]

You were 100% fine, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.

I don't get why a teen would be mad, and I have a 14-year-old (boy). Telling him I'm not spending that amount of money on X is very common, whether in front of friends or alone. He's never gotten upset about it and his friends have never batted an eye.

He goes to private school and has some uber rich friends but he's never once been embarrassed or mad when I said we're not buying this/doing that.

Same. My son is so used to hearing it that he now considers the cost before he makes a purchase on his own. I can give him $20 for lunch out with his friends and he tells me he only got an entree and drink, and not the "meal" because it was so expensive, like $8 vs $12. He has the money but he thinks before he spends it.

My kids are the same, and I'm glad.

[Anonymous]

You do nothing wrong, teens are embarrassed by everything parents do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 14. You could sneeze and it would be a faux pas

This.

Talk to your daughter and hear her out so she feels like she can come to you. But don’t stew over what you said—perfectly normal thing to say.

[Anonymous]

No, sorry Larla, we aren’t going to climb Upton on a random Thursday. How about mini golf there? You were fine.

[Anonymous]

It's not a big deal. I generally frame it as not being willing to pay for something vs. it being expensive, because DS will come back and argue that we can afford it (usually yes, because it is generally something that costs $30-$60, but that does not mean we waste money).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make her use her allowance money, once she starts paying for things herself she’ll have an opportunity to learn how to budget and build money skills

Ding,ding,ding!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It is not good for kids to be insulated from money matters or to get instant gratification. That being said, I get why a teen would be mad so just explain it calmly.

I don't get why a teen would be mad, and I have a 14-year-old (boy). Telling him I'm not spending that amount of money on X is very common, whether in front of friends or alone. He's never gotten upset about it and his friends have never batted an eye.

He goes to private school and has some uber rich friends but he's never once been embarrassed or mad when I said we're not buying this/doing that.

Same. My son is so used to hearing it that he now considers the cost before he makes a purchase on his own. I can give him $20 for lunch out with his friends and he tells me he only got an entree and drink, and not the "meal" because it was so expensive, like $8 vs $12. He has the money but he thinks before he spends it.

PP. my son is exactly the same. He considers the cost of things even when making very minor purchases (food).

My 19 year old daughter is a different story.

[Anonymous]

If the friend is a rich snob, it might have been embarrassing.

Not being able to afford something and not thinking something is worth it are different.