Consumed by regret

[Anonymous]

OP definitely needs to let go of control. Let your DD make her own decisions and take her own responsibility. You're now hindering her becoming an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP definitely needs to let go of control. Let your DD make her own decisions and take her own responsibility. You're now hindering her becoming an adult.

DP.. I need to take this to heart. It's super hard to let go of that control with my DD because she is not as mature and has anxiety issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP definitely needs to let go of control. Let your DD make her own decisions and take her own responsibility. You're now hindering her becoming an adult.

DP.. I need to take this to heart. It's super hard to let go of that control with my DD because she is not as mature and has anxiety issues.

Op here—yes mine too. Very immature and anxious

[Anonymous]

Well, kids cannot mature if you keep hovering. Anxiousness is there also because you don't let them be in charge of themselves. Think about it -- if someone else decides for you all the time, you'd also be anxious. You have to let them have their own agency and not hover all the time with your own worries and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, kids cannot mature if you keep hovering. Anxiousness is there also because you don't let them be in charge of themselves. Think about it -- if someone else decides for you all the time, you'd also be anxious. You have to let them have their own agency and not hover all the time with your own worries and anxiety.

+1. OP -- does your mother hover over you right now? If so, would it make you anxious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, kids cannot mature if you keep hovering. Anxiousness is there also because you don't let them be in charge of themselves. Think about it -- if someone else decides for you all the time, you'd also be anxious. You have to let them have their own agency and not hover all the time with your own worries and anxiety.

By hovering, we are tacitly communicating to our kids that we don't believe they are capable of handling it alone. Drop the rope, OP.

Also, I feel a lot of regrets and wish there had been more evolved child-rearing advice twenty years ago. As a gen xer I was raised by distracted, emotionally immature parents, so it took my kids' struggling for me to learn better ways of doing things. I'm trying to own my mistakes and do things differently, but if I had it to do again... I would change a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, kids cannot mature if you keep hovering. Anxiousness is there also because you don't let them be in charge of themselves. Think about it -- if someone else decides for you all the time, you'd also be anxious. You have to let them have their own agency and not hover all the time with your own worries and anxiety.

By hovering, we are tacitly communicating to our kids that we don't believe they are capable of handling it alone. Drop the rope, OP.

Also, I feel a lot of regrets and wish there had been more evolved child-rearing advice twenty years ago. As a gen xer I was raised by distracted, emotionally immature parents, so it took my kids' struggling for me to learn better ways of doing things. I'm trying to own my mistakes and do things differently, but if I had it to do again... I would change a lot.

Gently, I might offer that OP does not in fact think her child is capable of handling which exacerbates this situation. But I don’t see a way out without dropping the rope.

[Anonymous]

I have career regrets. I left my first career after a coworker incident that pretty much shattered my confidence. I have really not done anything great since and seem to be repeating patterns of working at toxic places that underpay and overwork staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have career regrets. I left my first career after a coworker incident that pretty much shattered my confidence. I have really not done anything great since and seem to be repeating patterns of working at toxic places that underpay and overwork staff.

DoD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have career regrets. I left my first career after a coworker incident that pretty much shattered my confidence. I have really not done anything great since and seem to be repeating patterns of working at toxic places that underpay and overwork staff.

DoD?

I'm in tech. DoD is probably MUCH better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have career regrets. I left my first career after a coworker incident that pretty much shattered my confidence. I have really not done anything great since and seem to be repeating patterns of working at toxic places that underpay and overwork staff.

DoD?

I'm in tech. DoD is probably MUCH better!

No, it is not (well that is my guess). DoD rewards those who shun intelligence and are mean and petty