Consumed by regret

[Anonymous]

Anyone else feel consumed by regret both big and small mostly related to dc? Anything help?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I regret some of the way we parented when the kids were small. Some days it really wears on me, other days, not so much.

I told my kids that I felt I could've been a better mom, and they were so understanding. They said I did good, and the negative stuff I constantly think about they don't even remember.

I contemplated not having any kids because I did not think I could be a good parent, but they seem to be pretty great people, despite my sometimes failures.

I think some of us parents are too hard on ourselves, but I cannot help but regret some things.

I tell my kids parenting is so hard, that parents are human, and at times, we have no idea what we are doing. I'm pretty honest with them about my failures, and when I do fail, I apologize to them.

They are now almost 16 and 19, and I'm really proud of them.

[Anonymous]

My mother suffered a fall and broke her ankle in 2018. She refused surgery and I did not want to poke the bear, so I left it at that - no physical therapy, just left the leg to heal. Years later, her leg is over-pronated, she has suffered about 4 falls, she finds it difficult to walk.
she also just got diagnosed with vestibular schwannoma which is messing up her balance. I am doing as much research as I can to help her make the best decision.

I am consumed with regret daily for not caring about her choices with her leg and at least convincing her to do something about it. I don't think she would have as much balance issues as she is having now if she treated the broken ankle.

[Anonymous]

You can't reasonably expect to show up strong for a 24-hour a day, at least 18-year job. Especially one that is stressful because it means so much.

We all bring experiences good and bad into parenting. Some of it we're not even aware of until we fall into pattern behavior.

You can reflect on things you could have done differently while committing to keep learning. I also apologize to my kids when I mess up. I try to give myself compassion.

[Anonymous]

My mom is consumed by regret. She was emotionally manipulative and controlling. And probably once a week said some horrific things. When I was really little, she used to tell me she was going to bring me to an adoption agency. I'm talking like 5 years old. If she was upset with me, she'd say how she was going to go for a drive but I'd made her so upset shed probably get in a car accident. Little elementary schooler me would hide her keys. So unless you were like that, just know that everyone has regrets looking back. I'm sure your kids have some things that they think about that they did to you and regret them.

If there is something specific really weighing on you , apologize to your kids about it. My mom got therapy when I was in my early 30s. She's apologized for a lot of things. Its helped me forgive her and move on.

[Anonymous]

Op here-it’s not really things I have done or said but things that didn’t work out for them and I regret not giving better advice etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-it’s not really things I have done or said but things that didn’t work out for them and I regret not giving better advice etc

For example?

[Anonymous]

op here--so many. recently can't stop thinking about the fact that I feel like a talk DC into applying ED2 to a school rather than wait for all results.

[Anonymous]

Was that this year? If so, I can see why it's fresh on your mind. Does DC want to attend this college, regardless of how they got in?

[Anonymous]

Finished first year. Mostly good but then didn’t get into sorority which I also feel regret about and now second guessing school choice

[Anonymous]

You know it's difficult to watch our child struggle or hurt. Your job isn't to shield DD from all the slights of the world, it's to validate her feelings and remind her that this too shall pass. It sounds like you are taking DD's experiences personally. Try to remember that this is her time to get bumped around a bit and take some bruises.

[Anonymous]

OP here-you are so kind to give such caring advice. I feel like I helped my daughter make a last minute roommate change and that got her on the outs regarding the sorority. of course I have no idea if that's true but keep thinking about it and feel so mad at myself and so regretful.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you regret being pushy. Maybe own up to it to your kid and do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know it's difficult to watch our child struggle or hurt. Your job isn't to shield DD from all the slights of the world, it's to validate her feelings and remind her that this too shall pass. It sounds like you are taking DD's experiences personally. Try to remember that this is her time to get bumped around a bit and take some bruises.

+1 I try to remind myself it was always going to happen that way. It’s what you do now. Rumination prevents learning/action

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-you are so kind to give such caring advice. I feel like I helped my daughter make a last minute roommate change and that got her on the outs regarding the sorority. of course I have no idea if that's true but keep thinking about it and feel so mad at myself and so regretful.

I’m pp. Beating yourself solves nothing. Having grace for yourself promotes growth. I know it’s not easy.