What to do with an out-of-control teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. It’ll take some time for me to check out the details of some of these advices. I’ll look into the parenting classes for ODD. In terms of meds, the several doctors I saw so far (two psychologists, a pediatrician and a neurologist) all said he should do CBT and CBIT first. Then try meds. The neurologist referred him to a psychiatrist, who would see him in late July. We’ll talk with the psychiatrist about meds during the appointment.

DS is only 15. He doesn’t have behavior issues at school.

This is Abilify PP from page 1. My advice to you is to make it clear to all three doctors *now* and the psychiatrist in July: what his behaviors are, and the frequency. Keep a log and read it if you need to. I'm not saying you need to demand that medication, I'm just saying - you're talking about verbal and physical violence. Make sure all the professionals are clear on that point, and that their timeline is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. It’ll take some time for me to check out the details of some of these advices. I’ll look into the parenting classes for ODD. In terms of meds, the several doctors I saw so far (two psychologists, a pediatrician and a neurologist) all said he should do CBT and CBIT first. Then try meds. The neurologist referred him to a psychiatrist, who would see him in late July. We’ll talk with the psychiatrist about meds during the appointment.

DS is only 15. He doesn’t have behavior issues at school.

OP you seem to have some blinders on. Yes he has issues at school given that he destroyed his school laptop. And he is only 15? That’s way too old to kick his mother in the stomach more than once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. It’ll take some time for me to check out the details of some of these advices. I’ll look into the parenting classes for ODD. In terms of meds, the several doctors I saw so far (two psychologists, a pediatrician and a neurologist) all said he should do CBT and CBIT first. Then try meds. The neurologist referred him to a psychiatrist, who would see him in late July. We’ll talk with the psychiatrist about meds during the appointment.

DS is only 15. He doesn’t have behavior issues at school.

Did you specifically tell those four doctors that he has been physically violent?

[Anonymous]

You need a psychiatrist right away. And do document, in writing, your child’s violence.

I know that today’s culture creates a lot of shame for parents who are attacked. It’s not your fault, you are not a failed parent. It’s difficult to emotionally accept a dangerous kid. Please seek help for him and for yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, he needs meds asap. CBIT is not going to do jack until meds are there in the system

[Anonymous]

I just want to say I'm really sorry you are going through this OP.

[Anonymous]

Im sorry. This sucks. I had to call the police on my child who was 13. He hit me twice. The third time he was holding up my younger childs toy broom as though he was going to swing at me. I doubted it would hurt too badly, but that wasn’t the point. I called the police. My younger child was watching the whole thing and I didn’t want her thinking this was OK. The whole experience was awful. They took him in (no handcuffs). Talked to him
And sent him home. No real help for us. I took him to the ER again when he got out of control. Miserable experience. They did a strip search FYI. Saw some horrible things and left with NO help, no advice.

So frustrating. Anyway, those to events to did lead to getting off one waitlist. We got some therapy but most importantly some medication and that has made all the difference.

It is not perfect, but better. I do keep things simple and sort of like the acne - we gave up braces because we always fought over taking care of them and eating wrong foods. It doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you live in Montgomery County, call the crisis center:
https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/HHS-Program/Program.aspx?id=BHCS/BHCS24hrcrisiscenter-p204.html

This is NOT a good option. They bring the police and the police will handcuff the child if they need to take the child somewhere. They are completely unhelpfull.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you live in Montgomery County, call the crisis center:
https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/HHS-Program/Program.aspx?id=BHCS/BHCS24hrcrisiscenter-p204.html

This is NOT a good option. They bring the police and the police will handcuff the child if they need to take the child somewhere. They are completely unhelpfull.

I disagree. We have had three positive experiences with them and one positive with the police

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you live in Montgomery County, call the crisis center:
https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/HHS-Program/Program.aspx?id=BHCS/BHCS24hrcrisiscenter-p204.html

This is NOT a good option. They bring the police and the police will handcuff the child if they need to take the child somewhere. They are completely unhelpfull.

I disagree. We have had three positive experiences with them and one positive with the police

I think it’s probably hit or miss. I too have heard of people having positive experiences with Crisis but I am not one of them. OTOH, we had incredibly positive experience with the police and they were at our house at least 20 times over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. It’ll take some time for me to check out the details of some of these advices. I’ll look into the parenting classes for ODD. In terms of meds, the several doctors I saw so far (two psychologists, a pediatrician and a neurologist) all said he should do CBT and CBIT first. Then try meds. The neurologist referred him to a psychiatrist, who would see him in late July. We’ll talk with the psychiatrist about meds during the appointment.

DS is only 15. He doesn’t have behavior issues at school.

OP - as a parent of a DS who went through very similar issues as your son, I sympathize with you. However, my recommendation is to immediately schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist who is equipped to handle your son’s needs.

I highly recommend Dr. Caroline Tan. She is amazing and will be able to help find you resources and work with you his medication.

Also, my recommendation is to keep the crisis hotline number handy and only call the police if you believe someone’s life is being threatened.

Lastly, take comfort in knowing that after some very stressful years, our son is now doing well. I wish you strength and patience during this process and the best medical care possible.

[Anonymous]

First, I want to say I’m so sorry. We lived through similar and it was hell. I don’t know where you live but you got some advice for MD. We are in VA and had to call the police more than once. It’s so hard but you have to do it if you or your family is in danger. They will take him away in handcuffs and probably for an evaluation. They never admitted our son and it was hell, I’m not going to lie. Sometimes the police made it better, sometimes worse, but there is no choice if you are in danger.

After years of this and various therapists I learned to back way off. In everything. No pressure for school, we had to go through a period of backing way off for hygiene and picking up the room, all of it. Don’t force acne meds or homework. It’s not important.

My son is almost 17 now. I wish I could tell you what helped but I think it was time and maturity. He doesn’t have any of those outbursts and sometimes apologizes for the past. It was a dark time but we got through it. I hope the same for your family. There are so many of us who have gone through it with a violent teen. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would he be willing to do something like a troubled teen nature/wilderness Outward Bound experience? Sometimes you can apply 504 funds to a course. They are short term but a nice reset for the family and are designed for “troubled and at risk youth” ages 14-17 “struggling at home or at school.” Perhaps cut off all his online access and create a home contract that he can earn it back after successful completion of a course.

NP here, do you have experience with programs like these?

I'm not the PP, but would recommend these programs, and have very positive personal experience. I would suggest looking at the WRTS group on Facebook, which a great group that talks about them.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP, first and foremost. I do agree that medications need to be part of the equation ASAP. Unfortunately one of the quickest ways to get someone an appointment is right after they’re discharged from inpatient. They have appointments they hold just for these crises and you won’t get one without the prior admission.

I’ve also had to call the police a few times, and my DS was never handcuffed and taken anywhere, but it did diffuse the immediate situation and it sets a precedent. Diagnoses aside, physical assault is never, ever to be tolerated. If you can come up with a better consequence, that’s great.

My DS is doing better most of the time. There are still some outbursts, but they are more cries for help. He’s 16 now, turning 17 soon.

I hope you and your family all get help, this is no way for any of you to have to live.

[Anonymous]

Please keep in mind that you can always go to the police in advance and ask for advice. Our local police are incredibly helpful and will walk through the steps they take for a domestic call like this from a parent and might provide you with some peace of mind. It doesn’t mean you have to call them in the middle of an outburst but it does mean you will know better what to expect.