What to do with an out-of-control teen

[Anonymous]

You need to make sure the psychologist knows all of this and is giving you good advice. It sounds like he is in crisis and probably depressed. Is he on meds? A psychiatrist might be useful to consult either way.

Is something going on at school? He may need a change of environment. What are your summer plans? The break from school might help, but it will be important for him to get into some kind of in-person thing that he can focus on. It will be bad for him to sit at home on the screen a lot.

Have you worked with parent training? It's not your fault at all, but parenting techniques focused on a technique and a consistent set of language that parents and providers are all using can help. I hate to suggest this because I felt like for us, this felt as though it was a critique of our parenting, but it isn't that at all. I realize now that we were better parents than most, but we just had a really challenging kid who needed different things that don't come naturally to anyone.

I would also look into DBT for a therapy technique.

[Anonymous]

Why are you making him do homework and put on acne medication? Those things are not essential. Has he seen a psychiatrist to get medication? This does not sound like a child who needs the ER to me. This sounds like a child who needs meds and a different set of expectations at home, ASAP.

[Anonymous]

How old is he? Next time he assaults you, you call the police and press charges. You better do this while he’s a juvenile.

When he assaults anyone after he’s 18, the consequences will be tons more severe and life changing.

Your boy needs a reality check - and soon.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel like the PPs who have mentioned "giving the boy a reality check" understand this type of kid. It's not okay for you to experience physical abuse, and you need to protect yourself, but this does not sound to me like a kid who is just acting up for the heck of it. With those diagnoses, this is a kid who is likely rigid and has emotional regulation and maybe impulsivity challenges. You need to work within that structure and with providers who understand these diagnoses. Kids with ODD don't respond to stricter discipline. Yes, consistency is important, and there are parenting techniques you can do, but this isn't about "giving them a reality check." This sounds like a kid who is really struggling and maybe is depressed and having trouble coping with the changes of puberty and perhaps some challenges at school or in peer relationships. You need to have an emergency discussion with his therapist and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YOu don't say a word about drugs but that's what worked for us. Therapy takes too long and cannot override all the hormones. Get some medication..

Also regarding drugs, he could be self medicating with illegal drugs. Have you thought about testing him?

[Anonymous]

ODD kids need very specific parenting techniques. It is very transactional. Have you been to a parenting technique class for ODD specifically? Combined with a medication change/increase this may help. If he wants anything, he is going to need to do a couple of things for you first.

I'd go cold turkey on online access as well. He is going to need to earn his internet time. I know all this is easier said than done. It is exhausting to parent this type of kid. Sending you a hug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let the acne go. It's fine if he has acne. You need less to fight about.

You’re an idiot. The fight was never about acne medication.

If it hadn’t been the acne medication it would have been putting his used soda can in the recycling or picking up his towel off the floor or turning in his homework or putting his plate in the dishwasher or any thousands of mundane interactions that happen daily in every household.

It’s simply impossible to walk on eggshells indefinitely for fear of what could set off the teen.

[Anonymous]

There are absolutely rehabilitative places that will take teens. It might be worth calling your insurance company to see what is covered. Unfortunately the cost is extremely high. Search for therapeutic boarding schools (these can be shorter term stays) or mental health rehabilitation facilities particularly those that offer intensive DBT therapy.

[Anonymous]

Take away the computer

[Anonymous]

Would he be willing to do something like a troubled teen nature/wilderness Outward Bound experience? Sometimes you can apply 504 funds to a course. They are short term but a nice reset for the family and are designed for “troubled and at risk youth” ages 14-17 “struggling at home or at school.” Perhaps cut off all his online access and create a home contract that he can earn it back after successful completion of a course.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. It’ll take some time for me to check out the details of some of these advices. I’ll look into the parenting classes for ODD. In terms of meds, the several doctors I saw so far (two psychologists, a pediatrician and a neurologist) all said he should do CBT and CBIT first. Then try meds. The neurologist referred him to a psychiatrist, who would see him in late July. We’ll talk with the psychiatrist about meds during the appointment.

DS is only 15. He doesn’t have behavior issues at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would he be willing to do something like a troubled teen nature/wilderness Outward Bound experience? Sometimes you can apply 504 funds to a course. They are short term but a nice reset for the family and are designed for “troubled and at risk youth” ages 14-17 “struggling at home or at school.” Perhaps cut off all his online access and create a home contract that he can earn it back after successful completion of a course.

NP here, do you have experience with programs like these?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. It’ll take some time for me to check out the details of some of these advices. I’ll look into the parenting classes for ODD. In terms of meds, the several doctors I saw so far (two psychologists, a pediatrician and a neurologist) all said he should do CBT and CBIT first. Then try meds. The neurologist referred him to a psychiatrist, who would see him in late July. We’ll talk with the psychiatrist about meds during the appointment.

DS is only 15. He doesn’t have behavior issues at school.

For context regarding medicine decisions - my kid is 11 and has been on Abilify for two years. She is not violent but she was severely depressed and did not respond well to typical antidepressants. She tried therapy for a few months before starting the medication. It helps tremendously.

[Anonymous]

OP, is DS a danger to himself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did DS kick you in the stomach? Were you both standing facing each other?

Dumb question and not at all helpful to this emergency situation.