clearing out parents' house with fighting siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you *cannot* just go into the house and take stuff, even if you believe nobody wants it. There is a process and you have to handle it.

For the supposed valuables, there’s probably little of actual value, and it’s the executor’s duty to take care of that. Let that one go.

For donations, that is also up to executor. Let it go.

For items you want, all you can do is make a list and send it to the executor and other siblings and *request* to take them. Put them all aside in the house in one place.

The most I think you can reasonably do to impact the process is suggest that everyone get a fair turn to come take the items they want. But that’s just a suggestion that the executor may or may not take.

But make sure that if the executor sells the items of value, that they report the amount and split it among the beneficiaries. While there might not be items that are wildly valuable, amounts can add up. We had a lot of items that were worth under a hundred each than a number worth maybe a thousand. We were surprised at how things add up and you end up with say, an extra $5000 per beneficiary. I realize that for some people here $5000 isn’t a lot, but for me and my siblings, it was a very welcome extra.

[Anonymous]

We had a junk service come several times, and I took a lot to thrift stores.

The silver is not worth much. I’m not sure what the collectibles are, but they are probably also not worth much. From the family house, I took a special chair. I saw it sold on eBay for $800, but I’m probably going to donate it to the thrift store one day. I can’t be bothered with eBay, etc.

We split items up from parental home, but I find I’m donating most of them. I don’t have space, and I am even decluttering more items inherited many years ago from grandparents.

My siblings are hoarders, so they pay for storage for old items they’ll never use. I don’t want to be like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you *cannot* just go into the house and take stuff, even if you believe nobody wants it. There is a process and you have to handle it.

For the supposed valuables, there’s probably little of actual value, and it’s the executor’s duty to take care of that. Let that one go.

For donations, that is also up to executor. Let it go.

For items you want, all you can do is make a list and send it to the executor and other siblings and *request* to take them. Put them all aside in the house in one place.

The most I think you can reasonably do to impact the process is suggest that everyone get a fair turn to come take the items they want. But that’s just a suggestion that the executor may or may not take.

But make sure that if the executor sells the items of value, that they report the amount and split it among the beneficiaries. While there might not be items that are wildly valuable, amounts can add up. We had a lot of items that were worth under a hundred each than a number worth maybe a thousand. We were surprised at how things add up and you end up with say, an extra $5000 per beneficiary. I realize that for some people here $5000 isn’t a lot, but for me and my siblings, it was a very welcome extra.

That’s more reason for the executor not to bother with selling items. More work to sell and more paperwork to track costs and sales pricing. In some cases, you have to deal with crazy and suspicious and hoarding inheritors. No, thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you *cannot* just go into the house and take stuff, even if you believe nobody wants it. There is a process and you have to handle it.

For the supposed valuables, there’s probably little of actual value, and it’s the executor’s duty to take care of that. Let that one go.

For donations, that is also up to executor. Let it go.

For items you want, all you can do is make a list and send it to the executor and other siblings and *request* to take them. Put them all aside in the house in one place.

The most I think you can reasonably do to impact the process is suggest that everyone get a fair turn to come take the items they want. But that’s just a suggestion that the executor may or may not take.

But make sure that if the executor sells the items of value, that they report the amount and split it among the beneficiaries. While there might not be items that are wildly valuable, amounts can add up. We had a lot of items that were worth under a hundred each than a number worth maybe a thousand. We were surprised at how things add up and you end up with say, an extra $5000 per beneficiary. I realize that for some people here $5000 isn’t a lot, but for me and my siblings, it was a very welcome extra.

That’s more reason for the executor not to bother with selling items. More work to sell and more paperwork to track costs and sales pricing. In some cases, you have to deal with crazy and suspicious and hoarding inheritors. No, thanks!

And that is fine if you have an honest executor. If you have one who is not trustworthy, you have to keep an eye on them.

And if the executor doesn’t want the work of selling things like jewelry or other valuables, they should inventory them and then make them available to all the beneficiaries.

Before they died, my parents sent me a small box containing “costume jewelry.” Once, when I was wearing a piece that I liked, a friend who works in a jewelry store commented on how nice it was. I said, thanks, it’s just costume jewelry. She asked if I was sure and suggested bringing it in to the store. Turned out to be white gold with real stones- not costume jewelry at all. I then took in my little box, and it turns out that many of the pieces are real and even some of the costume jewelry is relatively valuable because of the artist who made them.

The pieces in that little box added up to a nice sum. If that box had been in the house when my parents died, the executor would have either thrown them out or kept them for themself. The executor doesn’t own the personal items in the home, the beneficiaries do. The executor has a fiduciary duty to take care of the items and pass on either the items or their value to the beneficiaries.

[Anonymous]

Executors can be replaced if you’re willing to spend the money and risk getting the lousy job yourself.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Executors can be replaced if you’re willing to spend the money and risk getting the lousy job yourself. [/quote]

It’s actually not a lousy job if you have the right understanding and if you know how to get the right professional guidance.

No one is forced to be an executor, it is very easy to step away and there is usually at least one alternate named in a will or trust. If you don’t feel 100% up to the task, speak up at the beginning to make it easier for everyone. It is much more difficult to get out of being executor after you’ve started because then the court is typically involved and a judge would have to approve an accounting before allowing someone else to take on the job— even if you’ve only been executor for a short time.

Don’t take on the job if you think it’s going to be lousy. Or pay for a good probate lawyer who can guide you I what to do and when. But really, if you’re worried it will be too hard, there are paths to take that will make it better for all involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you *cannot* just go into the house and take stuff, even if you believe nobody wants it. There is a process and you have to handle it.

For the supposed valuables, there’s probably little of actual value, and it’s the executor’s duty to take care of that. Let that one go.

For donations, that is also up to executor. Let it go.

For items you want, all you can do is make a list and send it to the executor and other siblings and *request* to take them. Put them all aside in the house in one place.

The most I think you can reasonably do to impact the process is suggest that everyone get a fair turn to come take the items they want. But that’s just a suggestion that the executor may or may not take.

It may. E the executor’s job to take care of these things, but the executor has a duty to the beneficiaries to make sure that valuable items are not lost or trashed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a junk service come several times, and I took a lot to thrift stores.

The silver is not worth much. I’m not sure what the collectibles are, but they are probably also not worth much. From the family house, I took a special chair. I saw it sold on eBay for $800, but I’m probably going to donate it to the thrift store one day. I can’t be bothered with eBay, etc.

We split items up from parental home, but I find I’m donating most of them. I don’t have space, and I am even decluttering more items inherited many years ago from grandparents.

My siblings are hoarders, so they pay for storage for old items they’ll never use. I don’t want to be like that.

Not to hijack but how much get you get for a silver set (cutlery)? And where to sell that sort of thing? We "inherited" some from my DH's grandparents and have not used it once in 25 years. We're not attached to it and would like to get rid of it. Not expecting a lot but what is reasonable?????

Ditto for the "fancy china."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a junk service come several times, and I took a lot to thrift stores.

The silver is not worth much. I’m not sure what the collectibles are, but they are probably also not worth much. From the family house, I took a special chair. I saw it sold on eBay for $800, but I’m probably going to donate it to the thrift store one day. I can’t be bothered with eBay, etc.

We split items up from parental home, but I find I’m donating most of them. I don’t have space, and I am even decluttering more items inherited many years ago from grandparents.

My siblings are hoarders, so they pay for storage for old items they’ll never use. I don’t want to be like that.

Not to hijack but how much get you get for a silver set (cutlery)? And where to sell that sort of thing? We "inherited" some from my DH's grandparents and have not used it once in 25 years. We're not attached to it and would like to get rid of it. Not expecting a lot but what is reasonable?????

Ditto for the "fancy china."

Sterling silver has "melt value" if nothing else. China depends a lot on the pattern and condition: blue fluted Royal Copenhagen holds its value well, for example, whereas there is no market for my mom's 1950s Pickard.

[Anonymous]

"Fancy china"--donate to a thrift store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the Executor has legal duties. They have to submit an Inventory as part of the estate paperwork to the court. They have stuff to do. Don't be overly critical that nothing has been done. It's a steep learning curve. If they wanted to be entirely legal, they would lock everyone out including you, take inventory, before proceeding with next step: dividing things fairly.

You sound like a reasonable person who would act reasonably ... but just go and take what you want ... because the timeline is not what you like, is horrible advice to most.

Thank you, I get along well with the executor and am quite appreciative of all they do...It's a huge responsibility and largely thankless. Just to clarify, the death was a few months ago but we did not start the process of clearing out the house until this week. I am going to encourage the executor to allow for an extra month or two and not let the real estate agent pressure us to rush the process, though I recognize the timing is the executor's call.

[Anonymous]

The reality is there isn’t much of a market for anyone’s stuff.

Rather than end up trashing stuff, why aren’t the siblings sitting down and divvying things up? If there is stuff with sentimental value that multiple siblings want, everyone should make a prioritize list and discuss an equitable approach.

Who hosts your family functions? Perhaps see if that person wants Mom’s China and silver?

Is there any furniture that someone actually wants for their home?

Only after that process should anyone consider itemizing and selling.

I recently went through the process of helping my parents and my in-laws downsize. We sold some stuff online, but the reality is nobody wants the stuff you think is worth something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Fancy china"--donate to a thrift store.

Honestly, this may be the best idea. First, go to replacements.com or similar websites to see if you can sell it to them. You also can see what they are selling it for, and use that as your fair market value (for tax purposes) when you donate it to the salvation army, or some other charity. That old china typically is not worth much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Fancy china"--donate to a thrift store.

Yes! I’m a regular thrift store shopper and entire sets sell for under $200, max. Usually pieces get separated and sold for a few bucks.


Don’t bother trying to re-sell via replacements Ltd either - Pennie’s on the dollar and you need to wrap and ship it all.

Donate - no one wants this and a huge pain to store. My MIL now has 6 sets of china in her house and basement- all inherited from her mother, her SIL, a family friend. She’s offered all to me but I’ve declined as I have my own wedding china (that I’m about to donate).

[Anonymous]

Most people would love to be in your position - which is that you don't need any of this stuff, don't want most of it, and don't have to deal with it. This is the executor's problem and you should be very very happy about that! Just go take what you want and ignore what happens after that.