My son has such bad luck. Anyone else feel the same?

[Anonymous]

Honestly this seems like more of a perspective issue than a luck issue. I have 3 boys and can see how they react to challenges and opportunities impacts their feelings and perception of 'luck'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged person now with a sibling a little younger than me and my mom had this same narrative about my brother and me. It was really damaging to both of us. Everything good that happened to me was chalked up to luck and everything bad to my brother was another example of his bad luck.

I was the “lucky” sibling and got no credit for any hard work I did, positivity with which I looked at situations, opportunities I took, etc. It was all just gosh everything good just happens to you!!

My brother is very negative, blames others and his luck, doesn’t see anything as opportunities, etc. He plays right into the narrative of “no matter what I do I’m just unlucky.” He is also very jealous of me and thought everything came easily. At least he was, we’re all over it now of course but we did not have a good relationship growing up.

I suggest you cut out this thinking immediately. Good and bad things happen to everyone - focus on how your kids behave with the hand life deals them and reward them for behaving well given circumstances. There is jo good and bad luck.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that is tough, things usually do even out. is there anything special you can do for the less lucky kid (maybe a cool summer program you can pay for that relates to one of his interests?)

No they absolutely do not.

[Anonymous]

Parents who tell their teens that they are bad people unless they go to prom with whomever asks them are really setting kids up for lacking autonomy in decisions about themselves and their lives. Do they also have to date and sleep with anyone who asked them or else they are bad people?

Consent and autonomy are very important to teach your teens.

[Anonymous]

OP here- we’ve never mentioned luck to either of our kids it was just something I thought about yesterday when my son was upset he didn’t get something he really wanted. In a way the setbacks have made him more determined and he is willing to shift and work hard towards something else to make plan B or C work for him. The older one has never complained about anything his brother has gotten and instead is happy for him because he is just a really kind person.

What parent doesn’t want the best for their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize, OP. This sort of thing has a cascading effect. Getting the better teachers, coaches, and opportunities leads to increased self confidence, which opens more doors and leads to other opportunities.

My older sister was always the lucky one growing up. She won just about every contest and random-drawing event she entered. She won a bicycle, free groceries for a week, a free Thanksgiving turkey, and a giant bag of Tootsie pops. She got the wonderful teachers who then mysteriously retired or went on sabbatical by the time I reached her grade. Jobs, awards, and romance fell into her lap.

I didn’t have my sister’s social skills and charisma, so I focused on making the most of what I did have. I accepted that some doors were going to take more effort to open, and that the effort itself would teach me patience and perserverance and tolerance for frustration, things that sometimes get bypassed if life is played on easy mode.

As an adult, I’m still close to my sister. She’s gone through some very difficult personal struggles (some of which started as a child) and understands how capricious life can be. We build each other up, whether life is throwing us curveballs or bouquets of roses. In the end, having a supportive sibling like her is one of the best pieces of luck I could ask for. Encourage your kids to have a good relationship, OP, and to look past the things they can’t control.

OP again. I really like what you wrote about having a supportive sibling being the best luck of all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

This is me and my sister! Her name starts with “L” and her nickname became Lucky L****

[Anonymous]

The “lucky one” is usually the youngest, and their only luck is to be born last. They inappropriately receive special treatment from their parents, and have the chance to observe older siblings before going through each phase.

Things often, but not always, change in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

Lady, you have to make your own luck. You have to help your child by making sure he gets on a good team with friends or with a reputable coach who you know personally. You have to get involved at the school, volunteer at the PTA to have influence over what teacher he gets. you should be the room mom at school and have a personal relationship with the teacher to influence what field trip they go on — it sounds like you just sit back and wait for life to happen to your kids and, it sounds like one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. You have so much influence over some of this stuff and you’re not using and it’s very strange to me Youre complaining complaining complaining , and not helping your child. Get off the board and start using your adultness to improve your child’s life!

What you are describing is just plain old corruption and some of us are morally opposed to it. Maybe if people like you were not getting favors then the rest of us would be able to have balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

Lady, you have to make your own luck. You have to help your child by making sure he gets on a good team with friends or with a reputable coach who you know personally. You have to get involved at the school, volunteer at the PTA to have influence over what teacher he gets. you should be the room mom at school and have a personal relationship with the teacher to influence what field trip they go on — it sounds like you just sit back and wait for life to happen to your kids and, it sounds like one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. You have so much influence over some of this stuff and you’re not using and it’s very strange to me Youre complaining complaining complaining , and not helping your child. Get off the board and start using your adultness to improve your child’s life!

Omg, land the helicopter.

[Anonymous]

This is my sibling and me, I’m the unlucky one. It’s been a variety of things during our lives but in particular health related. I wouldn’t wish any poor health on my sib but I don’t know why every serious health issue seems to happen to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to stop looking at it as lucky/unlucky.

+10000 THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

My DD has inherited my bad luck but I'm really grateful that she doesn't pity herself and has a knack for aligning herself with girls like your DD- ones who have crazy good luck! One of her dear friends is like yours and wins every raffle and lottery and things always just seem to work out for her. I'm grateful that my DD can stomp down her own envy and be wise enough to put herself in the orbit of lucky people. A lot of times she benefits from their luck or even just basks in their optimism, which is really healthy for her.

But I definitely agree that there are lucky and unlucky people in life and somehow fate likes to put these people into the same families. I have a twin brother so it was crazy-making growing up and watching things always break his way!

[Anonymous]

Same!

My “bad luck” kid is a senior now that got accepted into every college he applied and is headed to an Ivy next year. After 10 years of politics, cuts, injury, he was invited to a pro team tryout where he is crushing it and was able to walk on the college team.

All of that “bad luck” created the grittiest, most persistent kid that works hard and has a healthy disregard for rejection. He’s turned all of it into good luck by work. I always told him something better will come along and the failure/rejection was a blessing. It was always true.

The younger kid with the “good luck” has seen this glow up of older bro and it’s been a great lesson. I see him now not resting in his laurels and he had his first disappointment this year and handled it well seeing his older brother go through similar countless times.

Everything I have read is that the kids that experience failure, rejection in childhood are better off emotionally later on than kids that got everything easily or had parents that cleared every obstacle out of their way, brownnosed the coaches, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, you will have to change how you look at this ... or you will make it worse.