My son has such bad luck. Anyone else feel the same?

[Anonymous]

Same dynamic with my two sons. I feel bad for the older one—though he has grit and he was very successful with college acceptances this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The prom thing sounds at least like an example of falling to make your own luck. It would have been one thing if he wanted to go with someone else, but to not even go? That seems unnecessarily harmful. She shouldn't be talking badly about him, but it sounds like he could have had the opportunity if he had shown kindness.

Listen to yourself, you're saying he should have accepted a date he did not want to go on so he could have gotten the leadership opportunity her friends were doling out?

Reverse the genders and see how this sounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

[Anonymous]

These examples are so dumb ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

Lady, you have to make your own luck. You have to help your child by making sure he gets on a good team with friends or with a reputable coach who you know personally. You have to get involved at the school, volunteer at the PTA to have influence over what teacher he gets. you should be the room mom at school and have a personal relationship with the teacher to influence what field trip they go on — it sounds like you just sit back and wait for life to happen to your kids and, it sounds like one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. You have so much influence over some of this stuff and you’re not using and it’s very strange to me Youre complaining complaining complaining , and not helping your child. Get off the board and start using your adultness to improve your child’s life!

[Anonymous]

I sympathize, OP. This sort of thing has a cascading effect. Getting the better teachers, coaches, and opportunities leads to increased self confidence, which opens more doors and leads to other opportunities.

My older sister was always the lucky one growing up. She won just about every contest and random-drawing event she entered. She won a bicycle, free groceries for a week, a free Thanksgiving turkey, and a giant bag of Tootsie pops. She got the wonderful teachers who then mysteriously retired or went on sabbatical by the time I reached her grade. Jobs, awards, and romance fell into her lap.

I didn’t have my sister’s social skills and charisma, so I focused on making the most of what I did have. I accepted that some doors were going to take more effort to open, and that the effort itself would teach me patience and perserverance and tolerance for frustration, things that sometimes get bypassed if life is played on easy mode.

As an adult, I’m still close to my sister. She’s gone through some very difficult personal struggles (some of which started as a child) and understands how capricious life can be. We build each other up, whether life is throwing us curveballs or bouquets of roses. In the end, having a supportive sibling like her is one of the best pieces of luck I could ask for. Encourage your kids to have a good relationship, OP, and to look past the things they can’t control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

Lady, you have to make your own luck. You have to help your child by making sure he gets on a good team with friends or with a reputable coach who you know personally. You have to get involved at the school, volunteer at the PTA to have influence over what teacher he gets. you should be the room mom at school and have a personal relationship with the teacher to influence what field trip they go on — it sounds like you just sit back and wait for life to happen to your kids and, it sounds like one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. You have so much influence over some of this stuff and you’re not using and it’s very strange to me Youre complaining complaining complaining , and not helping your child. Get off the board and start using your adultness to improve your child’s life!

This does not happen at our school (not OP).

[Anonymous]

I fee like you dug up every single one of the examples. None of them are exactly luck.
I could do the same for both of my boys and then reverse the luck/unluck depending on what I use as examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

Lady, you have to make your own luck. You have to help your child by making sure he gets on a good team with friends or with a reputable coach who you know personally. You have to get involved at the school, volunteer at the PTA to have influence over what teacher he gets. you should be the room mom at school and have a personal relationship with the teacher to influence what field trip they go on — it sounds like you just sit back and wait for life to happen to your kids and, it sounds like one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. You have so much influence over some of this stuff and you’re not using and it’s very strange to me Youre complaining complaining complaining , and not helping your child. Get off the board and start using your adultness to improve your child’s life!

This does not happen at our school (not OP).

If you do it correctly and with charisma (with a modest attitude), it works. Believe me. Develop relationship with Principal if you dont want to be directly involved in PTA. Principals ultimately choose what teacher kids get in all schools.

[Anonymous]

Breaking his arm after covid is the only one I’d attribute to luck. Honestly your second kid sounds like the type who makes the most of every situation he’s in and isn’t a complainer so he’s likable and has an easier time because he just goes with it. Your first son doesn’t have bad luck - he just sounds like he’s got a higher maintenance / more difficult personality and isn’t as likable as your younger son so his life feels less charmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes!!!
i have 3 kids (high schoolers).

One has normal luck.

My Son has terrible luck. He always got the terrible teachers, bad coaches, crappy assignments. I could go on and on and on. If he tried out for something and there were 23 spots he would be number 24. If there were 2 spots he would be number 3. Just terrible, horrible luck all through childhood.
He's a lovely kid and has many friends. Just bad luck.

The third lives a charmed life. Everything works out for her. She gets everything she applies for or tries out for. She gets the best teachers, etc. She routinely wins raffles and lotteries (like every time anything is a random draw or lottery she wins---WEIRD but it's been going on for years).

Yes, OP here and this is what I mean, you get it! After I posted I felt like it might be an insensitive post because obviously our kids haven't had anything really bad happen to them, it is just that things like what you posted seem to happen.

Older son gets the basketball coach who has twin sons and another son a year younger. Coach plays his three kids the whole game while he makes the other kids do paper rocks and scissors to see who gets the last two spots on the court. And my son seemed never to win that. He came home one game after barely playing and said he needed to practice paper rock and scissors. I said don't you mean you have to practice basketball and he explained that wasn't how the coach decided who played because he needed to concentrate on his kids playing. I thought it was a joke until another parent called me. Younger son gets a retired high school basketball coach who just liked to coach for fun but had no kids and did such an amazing job of coaching and including every player. Younger son tries baseball and get a coach who has a friend who works for some athletic company and gives all the kids free bats.

Older son gets the horrifically awful teacher who either retired or was finally fired the next year and the younger one for that year gets the most amazing teacher who had parents who were retired and really generous. They would do things like purchase amazing science project materials for the whole class and then come in and teach lessons, help direct class plays and spring for really cute costumes, bring in healthy food to do cooking projects, etc. It was such a fun year. We go to a zoo in another city and younger son finds $20 on the ground with no one around.

Lady, you have to make your own luck. You have to help your child by making sure he gets on a good team with friends or with a reputable coach who you know personally. You have to get involved at the school, volunteer at the PTA to have influence over what teacher he gets. you should be the room mom at school and have a personal relationship with the teacher to influence what field trip they go on — it sounds like you just sit back and wait for life to happen to your kids and, it sounds like one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. You have so much influence over some of this stuff and you’re not using and it’s very strange to me Youre complaining complaining complaining , and not helping your child. Get off the board and start using your adultness to improve your child’s life!

I think there's something to what you're saying, PP. My kid is the one who got the awful teacher, etc. For example, elementary school. We thought we were very lucky to feed into a tiny elementary with only one class per grade - until we were attending the school. That school had a dreadful culture. We made our luck - I pulled my kid out of that school on a pretext and enrolled her at another school, exploiting a loophole that allowed me to do that. Today parents are allowed to move their kids to different schools for a better fit, but I had to be very creative to make it happen. I'm not patting myself on the back for that maneuver. I'm mad at myself for not investigating the school before buying our property. Same with our chosen sport. After a few bad apple "coaches" we ended up with an amazing team of incredible people who helped my kid achieve her potential.

[Anonymous]

You need to reframe the way you think about the unlucky one.
If he was born healthy he was lucky
If you have health insurance and live close to a hospital he is lucky
If he has a string family unit to support him he is lucky.
There are many kids around the world who do not have what he has. There are many kids in the US who do not have what he has. Stop comparing his life to his brothers.

[Anonymous]

I am a middle aged person now with a sibling a little younger than me and my mom had this same narrative about my brother and me. It was really damaging to both of us. Everything good that happened to me was chalked up to luck and everything bad to my brother was another example of his bad luck.

I was the “lucky” sibling and got no credit for any hard work I did, positivity with which I looked at situations, opportunities I took, etc. It was all just gosh everything good just happens to you!!

My brother is very negative, blames others and his luck, doesn’t see anything as opportunities, etc. He plays right into the narrative of “no matter what I do I’m just unlucky.” He is also very jealous of me and thought everything came easily. At least he was, we’re all over it now of course but we did not have a good relationship growing up.

I suggest you cut out this thinking immediately. Good and bad things happen to everyone - focus on how your kids behave with the hand life deals them and reward them for behaving well given circumstances. There is jo good and bad luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breaking his arm after covid is the only one I’d attribute to luck. Honestly your second kid sounds like the type who makes the most of every situation he’s in and isn’t a complainer so he’s likable and has an easier time because he just goes with it. Your first son doesn’t have bad luck - he just sounds like he’s got a higher maintenance / more difficult personality and isn’t as likable as your younger son so his life feels less charmed.

I’m reluctant to agree with this because it sounds mean and I’m not certain that it’s accurate, but it could be. My older child could be considered lucky. His teachers are always excellent and he does great at school without a ton of effort. My younger child has all the “bad” teachers. But you could look at it another way. It turns out some of those “bad” teachers were the same people. My younger child is more anxious and more vocal about being unhappy. My older child just accepts his lot and rarely complains. He’s resilient and just deals with the teachers that aren’t as good as others.

Younger child also broke his arm. Multiple times. Missed out on various opportunities. But look at it a different way - older child has also missed out on things for other reasons (Covid for example). For my younger child it feels like it’s just one issue after another, but it’s as much his personality than luck or lack of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My goodness, the boy shouldn't have to take someone to prom if he didn't want to and certainly doesn't deserve to be hazed for it, he was kind and polite.

Would you tell your daughter she had to go with a boy she didn't want to. GMAFB

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