Suspect friend’s teen dd is on the spectrum

[Anonymous]

When your friend shares the latest situation and says she’s puzzled by what’s going on, that’s your invitation to step in.

“You’ve shared several times about Sally struggling. Have you ever thought to get her evaluated? It could help point you in the direction of how to support her since her issues don’t seem to be self-correcting.”

[Anonymous]

There are social skills groups for teens with autism, which can be helpful for teens who don’t meet diagnostic criteria. Maybe suggest something low that? Peers is what they are often called.

I think you can also suggest specific things for specific issues. So for instance if food is an issue, there are specific books etc. that are helpful for food sensitivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see much value in getting an autism diagnosis as a teen. It’s not like there is a medication that helps treat it (like there is for ADHD). Therapy is often not helpful.

I don’t think there’s much value in a dx, but plenty of value in treating the symptoms that your friend’s child is struggling with. So if they are having anxiety, encourage them to see a dr for meds. If they are having social skill issues, encourage them to look into a social skills group. If they are having sensory issues or arfid, encourage looking into OT or therapy to help with that.

There is no pill or treatment that addresses autism as a whole, so the dx is less important that figuring out what specific issues she is struggling with, & finding some help for that.

It is helpful because the more you know about yourself the better. My dd was diagnosed at 13. Well worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the kid is a teen and doesn’t have a diagnosis yet, the diagnosis is not going to mean anything. Most doctors advise not to even bother at that age and just focus on treating the symptoms, whatever they may be.

Ask yourself: why is it important to you that this kid have the label attached? It won’t change the support that is available.

The parents probably know all of this and do not need your involvement.

How can you say that? The diagnosis meant everything to our family. We understood how to help our dd!

[Anonymous]

Agree with pp that the most you can ask if they have thought of getting her evaluated. I say this as a parent of a ds on the spectrum and a dd who thinks she is (but the evaluation said otherwise).

There could be something other than asd going on but it isn’t your place to suggest a diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see much value in getting an autism diagnosis as a teen. It’s not like there is a medication that helps treat it (like there is for ADHD). Therapy is often not helpful.

I don’t think there’s much value in a dx, but plenty of value in treating the symptoms that your friend’s child is struggling with. So if they are having anxiety, encourage them to see a dr for meds. If they are having social skill issues, encourage them to look into a social skills group. If they are having sensory issues or arfid, encourage looking into OT or therapy to help with that.

There is no pill or treatment that addresses autism as a whole, so the dx is less important that figuring out what specific issues she is struggling with, & finding some help for that.

I disagree with the bolded statement. My DD has recently been diagnosed and it was her actually coming to me with suspicions that she was autistic. Girls can present very differently and “mask” their social challenges. The Dx has been helpful for getting DD some basic supports in her HS—one example being how she navigates getting feedback from teachers (they spell things out for her more directly) and occasional check-ins with school counselor on the social front
The Dx also helps with self-understanding on her part and my parenting perspective. It’s not like there is a “cure” but it takes a burden off . We always have known she was quirky in ways that didn’t make sense (and she had a developmental pediatrician evaluate her in MS and the doctor reported no indication autism then).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Appreciate all the advice. She’s not just socially awkward. There’s a lot more going on.

“Ask yourself: why is it important to you that this kid have the label attached? It won’t change the support that is available.”

Mostly because I see the family struggling so much and I care for them all. I would hope that a diagnosis would help them understand and figure out steps. Right now they’re floundering.

But you all are right that I should keep my mouth shut. I’ll just keep supporting them how I have been until now.

Good. You sound like a caring person but never give unsolicited parenting advice to anyone not related to you. This is especially true for teens. It won’t end well.

I’m floundering often with normal stuff with my two teens. I don’t need an outsider to point out what is going on and they have no idea what we are doing behind the scenes.

[Anonymous]

above posters are wrong. it is absolutely not too late to be diagnosed. and symptoms do and can improve when paid attn to and worked on w a coach. go to reddit r/austism and read all the HF folks wish they had lnown sooner before "wasting" their lives trying to figure out what was wrong.

dont listen to us and get a professional opinion from someone well versed on topic. prob not GP

[Anonymous]

oh wait you are not the parent. im the abobove poster. my adult brother is autistic and why i know some things. he is dealing w adult diagnosis. supposedly you are not supposed to tell people ypu think they are. or in this case their kid is. not sure there is anything you can do

[Anonymous]

No one is allowed to have weaknesses anymore. They all get a diagnosis or label.

We are overpatholigizing kids. Some aren't great socially, some aren't great academically, some aren't fast readers, some aren't as focused, some are immature, some are perfectionists and stressed out. That is being human - not having a disorder.

[Anonymous]

^ overpathologizing

[Anonymous]

I'm am 100% positive her teachers have already let the parent know the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm am 100% positive her teachers have already let the parent know the same thing.

Why would you be so positive? I asked teachers at every single parent teacher conference in elementary school about ADHD/ASD because of behaviors I saw at home. They all said variations of "no, her grades are fine, she just needs to be more careful." "No, she has friends." "No, she's just impulsive sometimes." "No she's outgoing enough." "No she's really smart" (?!?!).

It wasn't until a neuropsych evaluation in middle school that diagnoses of ADHD and Autism came through.

Teachers are not universally trained to recognize ASD or ADHD traits. There are stereotypes that if you can navigate school well enough and have friends you couldn't possibly be on the spectrum. Those aren't true for many kids, especially girls.

What helped give me confidence in scheduling a neuropsych exam was a friend with ADHD/ASD gently pointed out some similarities. My family has been helped tremendously by the diagnosis.

Because of this, I'd suggest op can gently suggest looking into it. She can even say she has a friend (me, online, but no need to mention that) who was going through similar things with her daughter and everyone was surprised by the diagnosis, but they realized after learning more that it was a fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm am 100% positive her teachers have already let the parent know the same thing.

Why would you be so positive? I asked teachers at every single parent teacher conference in elementary school about ADHD/ASD because of behaviors I saw at home. They all said variations of "no, her grades are fine, she just needs to be more careful." "No, she has friends." "No, she's just impulsive sometimes." "No she's outgoing enough." "No she's really smart" (?!?!).

It wasn't until a neuropsych evaluation in middle school that diagnoses of ADHD and Autism came through.

Teachers are not universally trained to recognize ASD or ADHD traits. There are stereotypes that if you can navigate school well enough and have friends you couldn't possibly be on the spectrum. Those aren't true for many kids, especially girls.

What helped give me confidence in scheduling a neuropsych exam was a friend with ADHD/ASD gently pointed out some similarities. My family has been helped tremendously by the diagnosis.

Because of this, I'd suggest op can gently suggest looking into it. She can even say she has a friend (me, online, but no need to mention that) who was going through similar things with her daughter and everyone was surprised by the diagnosis, but they realized after learning more that it was a fit.

Teachers are not qualified to diagnose anything, and most (!) know that. They are able to speak to behaviors they are seeing.

OP, you may be correct, but it will be hard for your friend to hear it from you if she's not asking. Diagnosis in girls is often delayed, so it's not surprising; CAAT is one local nueropsychology practice that specializes in autism in girls, but again, not sure how you would bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is allowed to have weaknesses anymore. They all get a diagnosis or label.

We are overpatholigizing kids. Some aren't great socially, some aren't great academically, some aren't fast readers, some aren't as focused, some are immature, some are perfectionists and stressed out. That is being human - not having a disorder.

I know someone who took themselves out. May have not happened had we known and helped. Nobody knew.