Suspect friend’s teen dd is on the spectrum

[Anonymous]

I’ve been friends with someone for a long time. I know her kids well. Her teen dd has had a lot of problems over the years and I feel like all signs point to her being on the spectrum. I know you’ll say “the parents know, don’t butt in” but my friend tells me a lot of what’s going on and is constantly puzzled at why her dd is the way she is. The problem is that my friend is very very sensitive, so I worry that implying this or suggesting she get it checked out would throw her and it won’t bode well for her personal mental health. I also worry it could affect our friendship, but I would take that bullet if it would help the dd and the family. I’ve thought this for a few years now and I’ve not said anything. But recently more came up and I thought of it again.

The family is generally wary of mental health professionals, so this is a road block for all of them.

I don’t want to post specifically what I see in case my friend is on here, but they are pretty textbook. Has anyone navigated something like this?

[Anonymous]

If it's a teen honestly there isn't much professionals do anyway. Maybe instead of the diagnosis comment you can just mention an issue to get looked at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's a teen honestly there isn't much professionals do anyway. Maybe instead of the diagnosis comment you can just mention an issue to get looked at.

Thank you, I didn’t know that. I would hope that there may be support or classes she could attend to help. Or knowing may help the teen understand why she’s having so much trouble. I wish they put more faith in mental health support, then I could just suggest going to see someone and that professional can lead them down the road. I know of course I may be wrong, but my instincts are generally pretty good. And I want the best for all of them, my heart hurts that they’ve struggled so much.

[Anonymous]

Too little too late

[Anonymous]

Everyone’s on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Maybe share some articles about social skills like https://socialself.com/blog/improve-social-skills/

[Anonymous]

"Have you spoken with her doctor about this?"

[Anonymous]

Why do you think she is on the spectrum? If it is just because she is socially awkward, then I think you need to realize that does not mean she has autism. The vast majority of socially awkward people do not have autism -- they are just not adept in social situations, like many others in the world. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone’s on the spectrum.

This is so dismissive and ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think she is on the spectrum? If it is just because she is socially awkward, then I think you need to realize that does not mean she has autism. The vast majority of socially awkward people do not have autism -- they are just not adept in social situations, like many others in the world. Let it go.

+1

My daughter has social anxiety and ADHD. VERY similar in how HFA presents. Especially since kids with ADHD take a little longer to mature socially.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see much value in getting an autism diagnosis as a teen. It’s not like there is a medication that helps treat it (like there is for ADHD). Therapy is often not helpful.

I don’t think there’s much value in a dx, but plenty of value in treating the symptoms that your friend’s child is struggling with. So if they are having anxiety, encourage them to see a dr for meds. If they are having social skill issues, encourage them to look into a social skills group. If they are having sensory issues or arfid, encourage looking into OT or therapy to help with that.

There is no pill or treatment that addresses autism as a whole, so the dx is less important that figuring out what specific issues she is struggling with, & finding some help for that.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should mention anything. If they only have one child, they may not know.
One of my kids probably has ADHD. He’s doing fine at school, but he’s a quirky kid. Some of his behaviors are classic ADHD things and when I get exasperated my mom is quick to remind me “you were JUST like that as a kid”. I have ADHD, but if I only had one kid I would likely write off his quirks as being generic components of his personality, not ADHD.

The difference is that I have 2 kids and my younger child does not have the same quirks and challenges. I think it’s easy to write off mild quirks as things “all kids do”, like boys being rough and wild or forgetting their water bottle at school. I mean last and found wouldn’t be overflowing if losing things was unique to your kid right? All kids are wild or forgetful or overstimulated sometimes. I think it’s only when you actually live with a kid whose brain works differently that you realize the contrast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see much value in getting an autism diagnosis as a teen. It’s not like there is a medication that helps treat it (like there is for ADHD). Therapy is often not helpful.

I don’t think there’s much value in a dx, but plenty of value in treating the symptoms that your friend’s child is struggling with. So if they are having anxiety, encourage them to see a dr for meds. If they are having social skill issues, encourage them to look into a social skills group. If they are having sensory issues or arfid, encourage looking into OT or therapy to help with that.

There is no pill or treatment that addresses autism as a whole, so the dx is less important that figuring out what specific issues she is struggling with, & finding some help for that.

Agree. I wouldn’t say anything. It’s up to the parents and the teen to addressed whatever areas she is struggling in. There is nothing helpful you can say/do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been friends with someone for a long time. I know her kids well. Her teen dd has had a lot of problems over the years and I feel like all signs point to her being on the spectrum. I know you’ll say “the parents know, don’t butt in” but my friend tells me a lot of what’s going on and is constantly puzzled at why her dd is the way she is. The problem is that my friend is very very sensitive, so I worry that implying this or suggesting she get it checked out would throw her and it won’t bode well for her personal mental health. I also worry it could affect our friendship, but I would take that bullet if it would help the dd and the family. I’ve thought this for a few years now and I’ve not said anything. But recently more came up and I thought of it again.

The family is generally wary of mental health professionals, so this is a road block for all of them.

I don’t want to post specifically what I see in case my friend is on here, but they are pretty textbook. Has anyone navigated something like this?

Mind your business

[Anonymous]

My kid is late diagnosed autistic. I suspect my cousin flagged it earlier on. She’s a social worker who works with kids with various needs. The closest she got to alerting me (and I was one who might have been open to it) was recommending a podcast for parents of kids in the spectrum. It’s called TILT. I couldn’t figure out why she had recommended it because I initially didn’t think it applied to us. Looking back - three years later, with what I know now - I see she was gently trying to steer me in that direction. My kid was 8 at the time and we’d just gotten an ADHD diagnosis. I see my cousin once a year.

Eventually through reading enough on DCUm and listening to podcasts I came to this conclusion myself and requested another neuropsych.

Another path may be the kid will self diagnosis based in TikTok - which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.