Friend offering to be a wet nurse - How would you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are a really thoughtful, considerate person to offer to do this for your friend. I just want to echo some of the sentiments above, that not being able to breastfeed, for some women (like myself) was a really horribly painful experience. So your also being supportive of her decision to formula feed would really help. I had a friend who had bf one baby but had to formula feed the other. Having her tell me "formula isn't rat poison - it's really good stuff, and you'll both benefit at this point by throwing in the towel, giving formula, and getting some sleep" was the best thing anyone could have said to me.

One question relating to something a pp said - isn't it the case that a mother's milk changes to meet the immunological needs of her child based on the environment/illnesss that are floating around at the time? I thought that was really the big difference between formula and breastmilk, and the one thing that formula can never replicate, since it's one size fits all. Wouldn't the same issue be present using someone else's breastmilk? And if that's the case, why not just use formula? (Honest question - not trying to stir a debate).

But back to the OP - yours is such a nice gesture, and I think the way you have proposed to broach the issue is perfect.

This is just one of the differences between breast milk and formula.
Breast milk's content changes during the day - more watery, less calories in the morning versus fattier in the end of the day. This doesn't happen to formula, the ratio of water is the same always.
Another difference is the kind of sugars it has. Some formulas are soy based, others are cow's milk based. Only breast milk is human based.
Also, the nutrients are in an "easier to digest" form in breast milk than they are in formula. What places breast milk babies at a lower risk for SIDS since they sleep less deeply than FF babies.
Now talking about vitamins and minerals - as the baby grows the need for specific vitamins and minerals also changes and only BM can keep up with baby's needs. Formula stays the same all along.
And the latest, scientists just discovered the use of a mysterious sugar in BM: serve as nutrition to the bacterial flora in the child's intestines. Formula doesn't have this kind of sugars yet.

But as said before, BM is the ideal but Formula is not poison, it's the safest alternative

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to chime in that I think that is so so generous of you to think of your friend, and to consider the gentlest way to approach her with the offer.

[Anonymous]

I think your email is phrased well, OP. Sounds generous and kind and also not assuming she will say yes, so she won't feel pressured.

Also... I hope your DH isn't as mean as he's sounded in your posts... yelling at you for offering to help a friend, or for asking a question of DCUM instead of him?

[Anonymous]

I think the offer is clearly coming from a good place and it's very thoughtful. It's good that you would say something like, I'm thinking about donating and thought I would ask you first and you also might want to add the bit about giving her the formula if she wants it. That way, she knows you are just trying to be as supportive as possible, whatever route she chooses.
I personally probably would decline the offer but this is obviously such a personal issue and at least you're giving her the choice instead of assuming what her answer might be. And kudos to you for also considering her feelings in how you approach the topic with her. Well done.

[Anonymous]

Another person chiming in to say that your approach and idea are really thoughtful, OP. Don't be offended if she declines, but I agree that you should offer. I was in your friend's position; no matter what, I never could make enough milk. I was devastated and I looked into buying from milk banks (it costs a fortune). I had to turn to formula but if someone I trusted had extra milk, I would have happily used it.

As for your own supply, have you talked to a LC? If not, I would just note that my sister had a complete oversupply (too bad nature didn't even us out and too bad our kids are 4 years apart) when she had her baby. When she needed to pump for comfort she was told not to pump too much--just enough to take the edge off. The more you pump, the more you'll make. If you want your supply to even out, never pump more than your baby would drink in one feeding. Congrats on your baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THOUSANDS of ounces and then the person with 800 oz!! Holy crap-how often are you all pumping? Are you working moms???

I'm a FT working mom and I had an oversupply at the beginning, which eventually leveled out; however now my baby is 8mos and I'm so grateful that I have not had to supplement, but still barely eek by.

To the thousands of ounces poster, for arguement's sake, let's say you pumped 3,000 ounces, that would be pumping and EXTRA 16oz above what your baby drinks each and every day for 6 months.

Thousands of ounces poster here - Yes, I'm a working mom. I'm someone who doesn't mind pumping and can work (and check DCUM) while I pump so it's really no big deal. I love my hands free easy expressions pump bra. We have a second fridge/freezer and I would donate milk once it was almost full. Honestly, I had enough milk for twins. I ended up supplying milk primarily for 2 adopted children (over the course of nursing my own 2 children) but when I had milk that those families didn't have room for I also donated on a one-time basis to other families. When I traveled to visit my family, I donated milk to local families or my own realatives.

My second child just turned one and my supply tanked when I started on hormonal BC, 3 months age, so I'm using 10oz a day of my frozen milk. But there was a time when I was freezing an extra 20-25 ounces a day and baby was drinking 20-25 at daycare. I would pump before leaving for work, usually 10 ounces, and send that as well as fresh milk form the day before. At work I would pump 30-35 ounces. I'd also pump before going to bed and nurse at night. Crazy, I know. I never really thougth about reducing the amount I pumped because I know so many people struggle with supply and I'd rather pump and donate extra milk and have a freezer supply than have to stress about increasing my supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THOUSANDS of ounces and then the person with 800 oz!! Holy crap-how often are you all pumping? Are you working moms???

I'm a FT working mom and I had an oversupply at the beginning, which eventually leveled out; however now my baby is 8mos and I'm so grateful that I have not had to supplement, but still barely eek by.

To the thousands of ounces poster, for arguement's sake, let's say you pumped 3,000 ounces, that would be pumping and EXTRA 16oz above what your baby drinks each and every day for 6 months.

Thousands of ounces poster here - Yes, I'm a working mom. I'm someone who doesn't mind pumping and can work (and check DCUM) while I pump so it's really no big deal. I love my hands free easy expressions pump bra. We have a second fridge/freezer and I would donate milk once it was almost full. Honestly, I had enough milk for twins. I ended up supplying milk primarily for 2 adopted children (over the course of nursing my own 2 children) but when I had milk that those families didn't have room for I also donated on a one-time basis to other families. When I traveled to visit my family, I donated milk to local families or my own realatives.

My second child just turned one and my supply tanked when I started on hormonal BC, 3 months age, so I'm using 10oz a day of my frozen milk. But there was a time when I was freezing an extra 20-25 ounces a day and baby was drinking 20-25 at daycare. I would pump before leaving for work, usually 10 ounces, and send that as well as fresh milk form the day before. At work I would pump 30-35 ounces. I'd also pump before going to bed and nurse at night. Crazy, I know. I never really thougth about reducing the amount I pumped because I know so many people struggle with supply and I'd rather pump and donate extra milk and have a freezer supply than have to stress about increasing my supply.

I meant - started hormonal BC 3 months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a lovely offer, and I think the person who thinks it's creepy has real issues.

I think it is an incredibly generous offer and has been noted women donate breast milk to milk banks all the time and this has saved the lives of many babies. What a kind and loving offer. Good luck to both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THOUSANDS of ounces and then the person with 800 oz!! Holy crap-how often are you all pumping? Are you working moms???

I'm a FT working mom and I had an oversupply at the beginning, which eventually leveled out; however now my baby is 8mos and I'm so grateful that I have not had to supplement, but still barely eek by.

To the thousands of ounces poster, for arguement's sake, let's say you pumped 3,000 ounces, that would be pumping and EXTRA 16oz above what your baby drinks each and every day for 6 months.

Thousands of ounces poster here - Yes, I'm a working mom. I'm someone who doesn't mind pumping and can work (and check DCUM) while I pump so it's really no big deal. I love my hands free easy expressions pump bra. We have a second fridge/freezer and I would donate milk once it was almost full. Honestly, I had enough milk for twins. I ended up supplying milk primarily for 2 adopted children (over the course of nursing my own 2 children) but when I had milk that those families didn't have room for I also donated on a one-time basis to other families. When I traveled to visit my family, I donated milk to local families or my own realatives.

My second child just turned one and my supply tanked when I started on hormonal BC, 3 months age, so I'm using 10oz a day of my frozen milk. But there was a time when I was freezing an extra 20-25 ounces a day and baby was drinking 20-25 at daycare. I would pump before leaving for work, usually 10 ounces, and send that as well as fresh milk form the day before. At work I would pump 30-35 ounces. I'd also pump before going to bed and nurse at night. Crazy, I know. I never really thougth about reducing the amount I pumped because I know so many people struggle with supply and I'd rather pump and donate extra milk and have a freezer supply than have to stress about increasing my supply.

800 oz here. I pump after I nurse DS in the morning, yield about 10 oz, then 3 times at work (roughly 15 oz), then sometimes once before going to bed (3 oz), he only eats 15 oz at day care, so I am able to freeze roughly 2 6 oz bags a day. In the beginning when I was on maternity leave, I used to pump after every other feeding into the early afternoon and then once overnight after a feeding. I've cut way back, but still have plenty. I am very fortunate. So is DS! But unlike many, I don't really mind pumping. Plus it is great to see the stash growing in our extra freezer (with a back up generator). Hopefully I can keep cutting back on pumping sessions and with the frozen milk (which I give him a bag a day to ensure none expire), I can quit before the year mark, but make it on BM solely.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a great idea, and if I were your friend I would take it in a heartbeat, and be very grateful.

I had an oversupply, and donated about 800 oz of breastmilk to an adoptive mom in our area. She was thrilled.

[Anonymous]

I would be so grateful!

In fact I think all of you who donate breastmilk are so, so generous. Wow. Especially since few of us really enjoy pumping. What a loving thing to do.

Because while it's true that formula is a godsend for many women, being able to choose the nutrition you prefer for your baby is a gift.

OP, hope it turns out well.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are an angel for even offering this to your friend. I would be so touched if you offered this to me, or even offered to cross-nurse my baby. I am not offput by this in any way, personally, especially since the babies are so close in age, it seems like the make up of the milk would be pretty appropriate.

I hope she takes you up on it and, if she doesn't, I hope she's able to work through her feelings about bfing. I know I was surprised at how emotional the whole process turned out to be, when I was determined to be laid back about it.

And all of you who are donating milk, you are angels too. So many families are benefiting from your help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:THOUSANDS of ounces and then the person with 800 oz!! Holy crap-how often are you all pumping? Are you working moms???

I'm a FT working mom and I had an oversupply at the beginning, which eventually leveled out; however now my baby is 8mos and I'm so grateful that I have not had to supplement, but still barely eek by.

To the thousands of ounces poster, for arguement's sake, let's say you pumped 3,000 ounces, that would be pumping and EXTRA 16oz above what your baby drinks each and every day for 6 months.

Thousands of ounces poster here - Yes, I'm a working mom. I'm someone who doesn't mind pumping and can work (and check DCUM) while I pump so it's really no big deal. I love my hands free easy expressions pump bra. We have a second fridge/freezer and I would donate milk once it was almost full. Honestly, I had enough milk for twins. I ended up supplying milk primarily for 2 adopted children (over the course of nursing my own 2 children) but when I had milk that those families didn't have room for I also donated on a one-time basis to other families. When I traveled to visit my family, I donated milk to local families or my own realatives.

My second child just turned one and my supply tanked when I started on hormonal BC, 3 months age, so I'm using 10oz a day of my frozen milk. But there was a time when I was freezing an extra 20-25 ounces a day and baby was drinking 20-25 at daycare. I would pump before leaving for work, usually 10 ounces, and send that as well as fresh milk form the day before. At work I would pump 30-35 ounces. I'd also pump before going to bed and nurse at night. Crazy, I know. I never really thougth about reducing the amount I pumped because I know so many people struggle with supply and I'd rather pump and donate extra milk and have a freezer supply than have to stress about increasing my supply.

800 oz here. I pump after I nurse DS in the morning, yield about 10 oz, then 3 times at work (roughly 15 oz), then sometimes once before going to bed (3 oz), he only eats 15 oz at day care, so I am able to freeze roughly 2 6 oz bags a day. In the beginning when I was on maternity leave, I used to pump after every other feeding into the early afternoon and then once overnight after a feeding. I've cut way back, but still have plenty. I am very fortunate. So is DS! But unlike many, I don't really mind pumping. Plus it is great to see the stash growing in our extra freezer (with a back up generator). Hopefully I can keep cutting back on pumping sessions and with the frozen milk (which I give him a bag a day to ensure none expire), I can quit before the year mark, but make it on BM solely.

Wow. I'm the first poster here and had an oversupply at the beginning, but is made me so uncomfortable that i worked to level it out plus I HATE the pump, so I don't think I could work that hard for milk. I wish I had 800oz now, so I could quit pumping during the day and only nurse morning and night. I can't WAIT to get my body back and I'm one of the unfortunate few who cannot lose weight while breastfeeding, it actually causes my body's metabolism to come to a screeching hault.

[Anonymous]

Just a thought...with my firstborn I had an oversupply in the beginning..frankly because newborns don't drink as much and I was pumping in addition ot BFing. I was kind of cavalier about it assuming this is the way it would always be..when I didn't have room in the freezer I actually got rid of some of it...DUH...

a few months down the road and back at work i would have killed to have that extra frozen BM. What seems like an oversupply at 6 weeks may not be there in a few months....it is a generous thought but you might want to consider that YOUR baby may actually need it down the road.

I would be a little creeped out by the BM offer, but I know you are coming from a good place.

[Anonymous]

OP- let us know what your friend says.