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Friend offering to be a wet nurse - How would you feel?
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Anonymous
| Another approach would be to support her if she decides to solely formula feed. A happy mom equals a happy baby. |
Anonymous
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I think maybe having an "all clear" examination (as in you're disease-free, etc.) may help the issue if your friend is on the fence.
And while I wouldn't do it (accept another mother's milk), many would be open to the kind gesture. I would not, however, be offended if someone offered. I had a friend who produced so much milk she had to pump and dump in addition to feeding her child. So she often jokingly offered to save some for me! |
Anonymous
Yes, I would offer the breast milk but also be entirely supportive if she ultimately opts to go with formula. She has obviously given BF'ing her best attempt. As a failed breastfeeder myself, I cannot tell you how hurtful it is to go through all of that, both the physical effects and the guilt & emotions of not being able to nurse your baby, and then to be judged by others because you're using formula. |
Anonymous
I like this idea a lot. |
Anonymous
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I just want to plus one almost everything that's been said (except for the "creepy" poster). I think the email is perfect. If you end up talking about it in person, let her know that you support the formula decision since providing nutrition for your baby in whatever form is critical. But, it sounded to you like breastfeeding was/is important to her, and if you could help her give her baby some of those benefits of breastmilk, that you'd be honored/happy/willing to do so. What a kind person you are to even consider such a thing.
As for the 800oz person -- can I have some!? I've got 100oz in the freezer, but now am struggling to pump daily just enough for my daughter's supply at daycare the next day. |
Anonymous
OP again here. I don't judge her for whatever she wants to do for her family and I was about to post on Craigs List giving away all the formula the hospital gave us - 3 cans and one package of ready to feed - maybe I'll just throw that info in the email so she'll understand that I'm supportive to whatever she wants to do 
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aprilmayjune
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I had a similar problem. When DD was just born, I produced plenty of colostrum, but when my actual milk came in I was struggling to get more than an ounce or two at a time, which was fine when we were starting out, I was able to feed her for about two weeks strictly breastmilk, but I never produced anymore than that so soon after I ended up solely formula feeding. That's why I get so bothered by any breastfeeding mother who chooses to judge others based on their decision to formula feed. I think that you may want to add in your email that it's perfectly acceptable to formula feed her, just so that she doesn't feel like she's going to be judged if she doesn't accept, but other than that, I think you're doing a very generous thing.
I personally would probably not have accepted if it was offered to me at the time only because I was actually grieving a little bit by my inability to do it myself, and accepting it from someone else would have probably added to my personal feelings of inadequacy. It certainly wouldn't have offended or creeped me out at all though, and despite what I just said above, I would have appreciated the kindness behind the offer, though declining graciously. |
Anonymous
| Not creepy at all. If your friend doesn't want it, for whatever reason, you can look into donating through Milkshare. |
Anonymous
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I would offer to share your medical testing records from yoru pre-natal care as well - especially since you are not close. I'd also say something about I know people have different comfort levels about donated breastmilk and you would not be offended if she didn't want it, that you were going to donate it anyway and wanted to offer the milk to her first.
I've been blessed with an oversupply and donated thousands of ounces of breastmilk through milkshare. Only positive experiences. If she decides not to take it, I know there are several local families who would love to give it a good home. I also have 2 cousins with kids the same ages as mine who struggled with milk production. One was happy to have my expressed milk the other declined and supplemented with formula. I guess my point is that people have varying comfort levels with accepting donated milk, it even differs among family members. |
Anonymous
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OP - Having been in your friend's situation, I can say would have been THRILLED to get that breastmilk. I think you are wonderful to have considered it. I am a huge believer in the value of breastmilk for the baby and was devastated when I couldn't produce enough. In fact, I WAS thrilled to get breastmilk from my sister (though obviously a closer relationship). You could could also agree to do a blood test for any communicable diseases -- that's the only thing I would worry about if I were in her situation. I agree that adding the offer of formula and support for whatever choice she makes would be great -- feeding the baby is the #1 rule.
You are wonderfully considerate! aprilmayjune - sorry you struggled with this, too. |
Anonymous
Check out the Milkshare donation forums. I donated thousands of ounces of breastmilk through that site. If I had any left, I'd give it to you! |
Anonymous
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OP, I think you are a really thoughtful, considerate person to offer to do this for your friend. I just want to echo some of the sentiments above, that not being able to breastfeed, for some women (like myself) was a really horribly painful experience. So your also being supportive of her decision to formula feed would really help. I had a friend who had bf one baby but had to formula feed the other. Having her tell me "formula isn't rat poison - it's really good stuff, and you'll both benefit at this point by throwing in the towel, giving formula, and getting some sleep" was the best thing anyone could have said to me.
One question relating to something a pp said - isn't it the case that a mother's milk changes to meet the immunological needs of her child based on the environment/illnesss that are floating around at the time? I thought that was really the big difference between formula and breastmilk, and the one thing that formula can never replicate, since it's one size fits all. Wouldn't the same issue be present using someone else's breastmilk? And if that's the case, why not just use formula? (Honest question - not trying to stir a debate). But back to the OP - yours is such a nice gesture, and I think the way you have proposed to broach the issue is perfect. |
Anonymous
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THOUSANDS of ounces and then the person with 800 oz!! Holy crap-how often are you all pumping? Are you working moms???
I'm a FT working mom and I had an oversupply at the beginning, which eventually leveled out; however now my baby is 8mos and I'm so grateful that I have not had to supplement, but still barely eek by. To the thousands of ounces poster, for arguement's sake, let's say you pumped 3,000 ounces, that would be pumping and EXTRA 16oz above what your baby drinks each and every day for 6 months. |
Anonymous
OP here. My baby is 5 weeks old and I can easily picture "thousands of ounces". I have a freezer full, plus all I've dumped (watery milk), plus all I've leaked (on clothes, bed, during shower...) I pump for comfort and I can easily get around 1oz per minute in the first 3 minutes of pumping. I was getting ready for dinner out last night and as I removed my bra to change clothes it just started squirting right at the mirror - 4 freaking feet away! No wonder why my poor baby chokes during the feedings... *sigh* |
Anonymous
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I've donated close to 1000 oz too (baby refuses bottle, so a freezer stash doesn't do much good), via the milkshare website, so I can't imagine there is anything creepy about donating to a friend.
Hell, when I saw your title, I thought you were going to NURSE your friend's baby yourself. Now *that* may raise a few eyebrows. |