High School Friends

[Anonymous]

I have 2 friends from HS I still keep in touch with after all of these years. Not super close but nice to have touch points to that time in my life. And some friends from college, some from grad school, some from work, some parents of my kids friends. You keep friends you are around + those you have deep connections to + those who you both make efforts to stay connected. Natural that some from HS will drift away (but may come back)...but also have to leave room for new connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the idea that one “outgrows” their high school friends and somehow moves on. The most impressive people I have met in my life who are truly self actualized have continued to grow and improve as people and have a gift for carrying friendships forward from all periods of their lives. In many cases, the high school friends, college friends, graduate school friends, and work friends have blended together in an ever widening circle. There is something special about friendships that one sustains since grade school. I really believe that.

Well sometimes you don’t meet your “people” in HS. I didn’t. My college friends were the ones who were in my wedding, along with friends I’d met in the workplace. I have gained new friends in every stage of life but HS is more about surviving for many, as it was for me. My kids enjoyed HS and had a good friend circle but again the people they’ve met in college are the ones that I know are the real friends.

I would say it’s completely normal for college kids to see less and less of their HS friends. Completely normal and common.

I agree it's normal and common but also really great if you are the person who does have those friendships that have remained good since ES/MS/HS. I don't have that. I hardly saw anyone from HS once I went to college but do have a couple college friends I'm still close with. It is easier now, however, to stay at least loosely connected with old friends through social media and texting.

DS is a junior and his college roommate is a guy he's been friends with since sometime in mid elementary school. They hang out (at college) with a couple other friends from HS (and also with new people) and when he's home that group gets together + a few other HS guys. I expect he'll move back to DC after college and continue to center his social life with this life-long friend group and I think that's great. It would also have been great if he'd met a whole new group of friends.

DD is a freshman and hasn't found her people in college yet but talks/texts regularly with her two BFFs (they have been a tight unit since 3rd grade). They are more sisters than friends now and I can see them staying in each others' lives to some degree even as they all add more new friends.

As someone who didn't find my people in high school, I'm really happy for my kids that they did find strong sustaining friendships early in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the idea that one “outgrows” their high school friends and somehow moves on. The most impressive people I have met in my life who are truly self actualized have continued to grow and improve as people and have a gift for carrying friendships forward from all periods of their lives. In many cases, the high school friends, college friends, graduate school friends, and work friends have blended together in an ever widening circle. There is something special about friendships that one sustains since grade school. I really believe that.

Well sometimes you don’t meet your “people” in HS. I didn’t. My college friends were the ones who were in my wedding, along with friends I’d met in the workplace. I have gained new friends in every stage of life but HS is more about surviving for many, as it was for me. My kids enjoyed HS and had a good friend circle but again the people they’ve met in college are the ones that I know are the real friends.

I would say it’s completely normal for college kids to see less and less of their HS friends. Completely normal and common.

I agree it's normal and common but also really great if you are the person who does have those friendships that have remained good since ES/MS/HS. I don't have that. I hardly saw anyone from HS once I went to college but do have a couple college friends I'm still close with. It is easier now, however, to stay at least loosely connected with old friends through social media and texting.

DS is a junior and his college roommate is a guy he's been friends with since sometime in mid elementary school. They hang out (at college) with a couple other friends from HS (and also with new people) and when he's home that group gets together + a few other HS guys. I expect he'll move back to DC after college and continue to center his social life with this life-long friend group and I think that's great. It would also have been great if he'd met a whole new group of friends.

DD is a freshman and hasn't found her people in college yet but talks/texts regularly with her two BFFs (they have been a tight unit since 3rd grade). They are more sisters than friends now and I can see them staying in each others' lives to some degree even as they all add more new friends.

As someone who didn't find my people in high school, I'm really happy for my kids that they did find strong sustaining friendships early in life.

+1. Same thoughts for my son.

[Anonymous]

Those of you with older college students, or graduates , are their college friendships lasting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, I kept talking to my DD about her HS friends and she kept gently blowing me off. For well over a year. Finally she told me they'd all started using more drugs than just weed and were deep into it. I dropped it then.

Well into his 40s, my MIL would pester DH to get in touch with his HS friends. They were alcoholics and drug addicts which is why he'd distanced himself and no interest in reconnecting. He was lucky to have gotten out of that environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with older college students, or graduates , are their college friendships lasting?

I have older college students and I think my DS will always be friends with his small close group of friends. My DD has dealt with other issues among her friend groups and drama and doesn't feel like she has a "best" friend, though her circle of friends is much wider. I hope that changes next year when she is living with a big group of them (9 of them!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very normal. He will most likely reconnnect with the hs friends who share his interests/life path after college.
College is a time of intense in person bonding- normal to lose closeness with hs friends who aren't sharing the intimacy of being in a dorm together, sharing a major, all of those unique experiences to being on a college campus, etc.
The ones who stay in touch and continue to share the same values/life plan will gravitate towards each other again after college.

+1

You want your child to learn and GROW, OP! Friends may come and go as the DCs are still growing, evolving, learning, and meeting new people. That does not mean the moms (and dads) can not still be in touch, be respectful and grateful, and enjoy each other's company, if that is what they choose.

[Anonymous]

I lost contact with high school friends after being raped in a car after prom. I didn’t tell anyone but the nurse I went to after, but the rapist had a lot of friends and spread a bunch of rumors about me, so I left them all behind.

I don’t think I missed a thing. Most people are fickle. But those who really love you are few but lasting.

Don’t push your experiences onto your grown children. You’ll just be pushing them away from you if you do.