High School Friends

[Anonymous]

I only keep in touch with one person from high school. All the others were more friendships of convenience and not really that deep.

I found much better friends in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Particularly sad is some of my DC’s high school friends are deep into substance abuse and significant others who are more born of loneliness and convenience than anything else. These kids are no longer kids I say as an adult. Sad for me to watch as an adult. They are kind of settling and aiming too low.

[Anonymous]

High school friends really are the North Star for a lot of kids. It’s nice to know that some kids come back to their high school friends after the whirlwind and intensity of college. I hope this happens to my kid. His high school friends really are very special people. I hope they figure that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only keep in touch with one person from high school. All the others were more friendships of convenience and not really that deep.

I found much better friends in adulthood.

Same. I don’t even keep in contact with anyone from college. All of my close friends I met as an adult except for one childhood friend. That’s all I still talk to.

[Anonymous]

Lol, "T10"... had to get that into the first sentence. Must be a major dopamine hit everytime you think it, write it, or say it.

[Anonymous]

Wow I walked out of HS and never spoke to anyone there again. My kids each have one best friend they still see from HS. Each year in college, they see less of the HS friends and more college friends. Why would that be sad? Friendships evolve and change over time and naturally they see college friends much more often so they are far more relatable.

I’d actually be more “sad” if my kid only had HS close friends and hadn’t grown beyond them.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the idea that one “outgrows” their high school friends and somehow moves on. The most impressive people I have met in my life who are truly self actualized have continued to grow and improve as people and have a gift for carrying friendships forward from all periods of their lives. In many cases, the high school friends, college friends, graduate school friends, and work friends have blended together in an ever widening circle. There is something special about friendships that one sustains since grade school. I really believe that.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t spoken to anyone from high school since the day we graduated almost 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the idea that one “outgrows” their high school friends and somehow moves on. The most impressive people I have met in my life who are truly self actualized have continued to grow and improve as people and have a gift for carrying friendships forward from all periods of their lives. In many cases, the high school friends, college friends, graduate school friends, and work friends have blended together in an ever widening circle. There is something special about friendships that one sustains since grade school. I really believe that.

Well sometimes you don’t meet your “people” in HS. I didn’t. My college friends were the ones who were in my wedding, along with friends I’d met in the workplace. I have gained new friends in every stage of life but HS is more about surviving for many, as it was for me. My kids enjoyed HS and had a good friend circle but again the people they’ve met in college are the ones that I know are the real friends.

I would say it’s completely normal for college kids to see less and less of their HS friends. Completely normal and common.

[Anonymous]

This generation doesn’t care about high school reunions and things like that. They might reconnect if they end up in the same city after college.

[Anonymous]

I get it. Feel your feelings privately (!) but step back and let it evolve naturally. Friendships are not something that can or should be forced - especially by parents!

For what it’s worth, DH is still very close to his HS friends, 30+ years later. They’re a special group - far-flung but regularly in touch, and they meet up once a year, at least.

On the other hand, most of my high school friendships fell away slowly during my freshman year in college, and the rest really petered out the summer after. I’m loosely in touch with everyone via FB, but I don’t consider any of them close friends.

No drama or animosity - we just grew apart. Looking back, we all had amazing college experiences and fell hard for our college friends. Those are the groups we’re now most close with. (I see on FB how many of my high school friends get together with their college friends, as do I.)

It is what it is. I get why you’re sad - these kids grew up in your home. But it’s not about you. Let your DS find his way and support him without trying to steer him back to his HS friends.

He’ll be fine and so will you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the idea that one “outgrows” their high school friends and somehow moves on. The most impressive people I have met in my life who are truly self actualized have continued to grow and improve as people and have a gift for carrying friendships forward from all periods of their lives. In many cases, the high school friends, college friends, graduate school friends, and work friends have blended together in an ever widening circle. There is something special about friendships that one sustains since grade school. I really believe that.

I’m so glad that works for you. It sounds like it makes you really happy.

For me, that would be exhausting. Different people are different.

I don’t have the time, energy, or interest to keep up with that many people. I’ve always been more about being present and investing deeply in a big circle and community of friends at the stage of life I’m in where I am in life. From there, maybe one or two of the friendships carry forward to the next phase - the ones that are deeper, not just based on our shared experience in that phase of life.

It’s not some conscious strategy. And there’s never been any drama. But I don’t like like “checking in” with people by text or short phone calls. My connections are either deep or they naturally fall away over time.

Maybe it’s a lack of self-actualization? But I see it as the opposite. As I grow and evolve, I remain committed to the friends with whom I have deep connections. And I treasure and enjoy the friends I meet along the way. Both are true.

I think there’s a saying - Some friends are in our lives for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. I’m 50 years old, and that rings true to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this happened to my sophomore as well. He’s hanging out much more with his new friends in college. It is kind of sad

It happens. People drift apart, and as they mature and change, their friend group will change.

I have been pushing my kids to widen their social circle and make new friends at college. That may mean they drift away from their old friends a bit. It's not because I don't like their old friends. But, college is a time to establish new relationships and venture beyond your comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC’s high school friends, even those he’d had for a decade plus, gradually cut off contact with him with the justification “it’s college, people drift apart.” It’s been years and he still talks about he much he misses them…

I’m sorry, I hope they reconnect down the road.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the same thing about my son and his HS friends. He has a super tight group of friends and is friends w kids outside that circle too, all from HS. Good kids and I hope they stay friends and keep connected through the years. He’s only a college freshman, so far so good. But with future summer internships for many, relocating, etc people sometimes move on. Time will tell, but I can hope!