No good deed goes unpunished

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a great example of having healthy boundaries in a helping field. If you can't/won't do it for everyone, don't do it for one person.

Also people in her situation have learned to rely on or even seek out these kinds of people, and lots of them are looking to get something for free rather than really needing it.

x10000000

[Anonymous]

I’m very surprised that the soup kitchen doesn’t have a direct policy addressing these kinds of “gifts”, especially volunteer to individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very surprised that the soup kitchen doesn’t have a direct policy addressing these kinds of “gifts”, especially volunteer to individual.

The place I have volunteered has a 100% rule that volunteers cannot give clients/customers/beneficiaries/guests anything the volunteer did not receive from the sponsoring organization. It is hard sometimes, but it prevents situations like the one OP experienced.

Soup kitchen people run the gamut, but it is not unusual for them to be desperate, protectively narcissistic and even opportunistic. As a friend with more experience once told me “to them, you’re rich.”

[Anonymous]

OP, just be grateful you had the opportunity to help someone and you have a comfortable, stable roof over your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very surprised that the soup kitchen doesn’t have a direct policy addressing these kinds of “gifts”, especially volunteer to individual.

I would bet it does. I have volunteered at two (not in DMV) soup kitchens and one refugee org and all had rules for volunteers that explicitly prohibited this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very surprised that the soup kitchen doesn’t have a direct policy addressing these kinds of “gifts”, especially volunteer to individual.

The place I have volunteered has a 100% rule that volunteers cannot give clients/customers/beneficiaries/guests anything the volunteer did not receive from the sponsoring organization. It is hard sometimes, but it prevents situations like the one OP experienced.

Soup kitchen people run the gamut, but it is not unusual for them to be desperate, protectively narcissistic and even opportunistic. As a friend with more experience once told me “to them, you’re rich.”

I’m the other quoted poster, and I’m trying to figure out if OP is a troll or not. FWIW, I’m not one that ever calls troll. I actually tend to be sucked in by trolls because I like to help.

In any case, reality is, I’ve never helped at an organization that does not have very clear cut rules about this sort of thing that volunteers train and sign off on. It doesn’t only help protect people and their finances who are trying to help from having the situation that OP is describing, but also helps prevent exploitation of the clients of the service by people who may try to leverage their resources over them.

[Anonymous]

A room was purchased directly. No money was gifted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I volunteer at a soup kitchen occasionally. Most people who come through are men. Last week we had a woman with 4 kids ages 1 through 5 come in. She had nowhere to go afterwards and the shelter was full. Out of kindness I got her an inexpensive room ($250) for the week to get them off the streets for a bit and so she could start getting paperwork in. Yesterday 4 people at the soup kitchen asked me for money for a room. This lady told people at this motel that I paid for her room and where to find me. I am not going to volunteer for a while and have learned my lesson about being nice.

This is actually a valuable lesson, OP. And very true. Your heart was in the right place, but this is what happens. Unfortunately.

Give an inch they will take a yard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask her not to share that information? You've learned a lesson that any such gifts must be conditional on preserving your anonymity.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I volunteer at a soup kitchen occasionally. Most people who come through are men. Last week we had a woman with 4 kids ages 1 through 5 come in. She had nowhere to go afterwards and the shelter was full. Out of kindness I got her an inexpensive room ($250) for the week to get them off the streets for a bit and so she could start getting paperwork in. Yesterday 4 people at the soup kitchen asked me for money for a room. This lady told people at this motel that I paid for her room and where to find me. I am not going to volunteer for a while and have learned my lesson about being nice.

This is actually a valuable lesson, OP. And very true. Your heart was in the right place, but this is what happens. Unfortunately.

Give an inch they will take a yard.

How dare people in need ask for help! Don't they know their place?

Anyway, my HHI is $800K and my husband wants to take a leave of absence this summer. I'm worried he'll never get back in the groove and our HHI will drop to $500K. If I divorce him now, can I get alimony locked in before his income adjusts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when individuals interfere in a social services system that is well funded and managed. In DC at least, there are SO many resources for street homeless people, bit they have to do things like not shoot up in shared housing or fight people. Often they don't adhere to the basic rules. You also could have had a huge hotel bill on your hands for damages that she could have caused. In the future, provide referrals to social services agencies. Don't open your own wallet.

+1000

NP and well said. You saved me from crafting a very similar response.

I’ve been an active board member and volunteer for a food pantry program for decades - we all want to change the world and do our best to help.

Try to remember that there is an established social system in place and trained staffers to orchestrate and administer such services. Is the system flawed and sometimes inefficient, seemingly ineffective and slow? Yes - but you need to be safe and that includes not going out of your volunteer role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, that’s your complaint.
Just say “No” if you don’t want to and thank God you are not homeless and/or mentally ill.

Yeah, seriously “thank God” that you choose to be a functioning adult and productive member of society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I volunteer at a soup kitchen occasionally. Most people who come through are men. Last week we had a woman with 4 kids ages 1 through 5 come in. She had nowhere to go afterwards and the shelter was full. Out of kindness I got her an inexpensive room ($250) for the week to get them off the streets for a bit and so she could start getting paperwork in. Yesterday 4 people at the soup kitchen asked me for money for a room. This lady told people at this motel that I paid for her room and where to find me. I am not going to volunteer for a while and have learned my lesson about being nice.

This is actually a valuable lesson, OP. And very true. Your heart was in the right place, but this is what happens. Unfortunately.

Give an inch they will take a yard.

How dare people in need ask for help! Don't they know their place?

Anyway, my HHI is $800K and my husband wants to take a leave of absence this summer. I'm worried he'll never get back in the groove and our HHI will drop to $500K. If I divorce him now, can I get alimony locked in before his income adjusts?

It’s clear why you’re not the high earner in your marriage…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A room was purchased directly. No money was gifted.

That doesn't mean she wasn't asked for money later. They thought they found a mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a guy who always sits on a bucket at the intersection near my office. A coworker once took him some food and she returned to work covered in the drink with a fat lip. The guy threw it at her and screamed "my sign says any amount will help not I need food, you dumb c*nt!"

I think about that incident all the time when I see someone asking for help.

A lot of these people are on the streets because of mental health issues. I give them a wide berth.

+1. Yes exactly. This type of reaction isn't unusual with severe mental illness. Combine that with poverty and other health issues that come with that and you get anger.