Mid-career crisis: Resigning to preserve a reference

[Anonymous]

"But I feel my bad attitude is chipping away at this good will. My impatience is showing and I’m resisting the changes that are good for the organization because I don’t want to do this work anymore. I’m dead weight and I know it."

OP - you need to learn how to fake it. They are paying you. Fake a good attitude when you have to interact with people.

It sounds like you need a vacation. Try to schedule a good one if you haven't already.

[Anonymous]

I never understand this mindset. Why half-ass your current job? The foundation of self-respect is self-control, and if you cannot control your feelings enough to perform at the highest level (even just for the sake of your own pride), the problem is you, not your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are massively overvaluing the value of references.

References come in to the process once you have already been selected for the new role, IME. Reference checks are a formality these days as many places won’t give references, only confirm dates of employment. You can use a colleague, partner/vendor, or manager from a very long-ago job. You do not need this person.

This 100%. The past two jobs I only had to give them HR's phone number so they could confirm my employment. I don't think I've had a real reference contacted in over a decade...

Just start looking for the new job OP. People are moving all the time. Don't overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Don't quit. Take a week of vacation and try to get your head straight. Maybe when you find another gig your current employer (which has promoted your three time) would sweeten the pot to get you to stay where you get to unload some of the stuff you don't like and get to hire a direct report. It's nice that you like your boss but you don't owe that person anything. You owe it to yourself to make the most of your life and career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are massively overvaluing the value of references.

References come in to the process once you have already been selected for the new role, IME. Reference checks are a formality these days as many places won’t give references, only confirm dates of employment. You can use a colleague, partner/vendor, or manager from a very long-ago job. You do not need this person.

This 100%. The past two jobs I only had to give them HR's phone number so they could confirm my employment. I don't think I've had a real reference contacted in over a decade...

Just start looking for the new job OP. People are moving all the time. Don't overthink it.

Most organizations don't allow for substantive references beyond confirming that you worked there, that your title was what you said it was, that your dates of employment line up, etc. Plus if you've worked at your place for nearly a decade, the potential hiring employers KNOWS they can't reach out to your current boss for a reference if you're still working there. Let's say you take the route you are considering and quit and THEN look for a job. SO then they DO call your (now) former boss and she's pissed that you left and trashes you. What's better? No reference because you still work for the person (meaning you still have a nice VP job; weren't run out, weren't laid off...all pluses in a potential employer's eyes) or hoping for a good reference from your former employer when you don't have a job and the potential employers doesn't really know the circumstances of you no longer working there....stay employed. References don't count.

[Anonymous]

OP here and I really appreciate everyone’s responses.

I do need a vacation. In the past three years I’ve lost 10 weeks of leave because I never feel I can leave my work behind. So I guess I’m not really half-assing. I’m pretty burnt out, actually. I’m working very hard on the things I’m good at, which have firm deliverables and strict deadlines (e.g. proposals, contracts, and reports), but I’m not developing in areas I don’t enjoy (e.g. cultivating wealthy donors about to die). The latter is what my organization needs right now and it’s just not me.

But it’s true I’m getting paid to do this job, not the one I want. Maybe I’ll feel better after that vacation. And I’ll keep looking for a new job that’s a better fit.