Mid-career crisis: Resigning to preserve a reference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not anywhere near a VP level. However, my understanding is that you can negotiate 2 months to start your new role thereby allowing a smooth transition to your replacement. I agree with your husband that you should not quit without something lined up.

lol, this isn't Europe.

lol, you must be junior or a terrible negotiator. Anyone of any seniority can absolutely negotiate the start date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m ready to leave my nonprofit job where I’ve been for the past nine years. My feelings are beginning to show and I’m afraid if I stay much longer, my relationship with my boss will become strained. I’ve been promoted three times and now that I’ve reached the VP level, I’m ready for something new in an adjacent industry. There’s no room to grow in my current role, I dislike 60% of the work I’m doing, and I’m underpaid. But I have ultimate flexibility and I like my boss and coworkers.

I know I’m not performing to the best of my ability and my confidence and ego are suffering because of it. I need to preserve my relationship with my boss because she’s my best reference for new jobs. But it feels like a betrayal to look actively for a new job while I’m half-assing my current one, and I certainly can’t use my current boss as a reference while I’m looking.

I’m considering resigning to allow my boss to hire someone else, which would free me to network actively with her blessing. I could propose keeping some responsibilities as a consultant if that helps with the transition. My husband thinks this is a crazy idea and I’ll be stressed and miserable without a job. But I’m stressed and miserable now.

WWYD?

Moving in and looking whilst working at a nonprofit or think tank at your level is common.

You can do it.

Those places can get stagnant, boring and the pay sux. They never want more ppl on the 990 comp section.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t your employer give you a good reference if you secured another job and then gave her a good amount of notice and were graceful about it? If she really is a good boss, she will be a grown up about it and continue to support you. And even be happy for your professional growth, if you feel this is the next best step for yourself. If your boss is instead the type of person who will see your move as betrayal and will ice you out and not give you a good recommendation, then she’s not a good boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not anywhere near a VP level. However, my understanding is that you can negotiate 2 months to start your new role thereby allowing a smooth transition to your replacement. I agree with your husband that you should not quit without something lined up.

lol, this isn't Europe.

lol, you must be junior or a terrible negotiator. Anyone of any seniority can absolutely negotiate the start date.

The start date sure, but not so much the end date.

[Anonymous]

Depending on your relationship, you can have a discussion with your boss, too. If you know your discontent is showing, it's better to acknowledge it and 1) say you're working to turn it around and 2) see if they have any solutions you haven't considered - all while looking for a new job. I've been on both sides of such a discussion and they've always gone well, though I certainly wouldn't have it with just any boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t your employer give you a good reference if you secured another job and then gave her a good amount of notice and were graceful about it? If she really is a good boss, she will be a grown up about it and continue to support you. And even be happy for your professional growth, if you feel this is the next best step for yourself. If your boss is instead the type of person who will see your move as betrayal and will ice you out and not give you a good recommendation, then she’s not a good boss.

I don’t care if you were Mother Teresa in my company and my last three companies if I gave a current employee a reference I can get fired.

In my current I can’t even do it even ex employees.

And when I done it in past if I liked you I give you a reference even if I fired you. References are a popularity contest

[Anonymous]

OP here. A year ago I told my boss I was feeling the need for a change. I have 10 years left before I retire and I’m ready to move from fundraising to the other side - grant making and/or government. If I wait much longer, I won’t be able to move. She promoted me and gave me a bit more money, but I’m maxed out now in my mid-50s.

Meanwhile, I’m applying to government and foundation jobs and haven’t landed one yet. These are competitive jobs and I’m competing against all the other burnt out fundraisers who feel like I do following three years of pandemic madness. I haven’t leveraged my network because it feels inappropriate to approach a current funder to ask about a job while working at an organization they support. This has limited my network considerably.

I have a good relationship with my boss. She’s done what she can for me. But the needs of the organization have changed my job into something I don’t want to do anymore. I know she will be a good reference if I leave on good terms. But I feel my bad attitude is chipping away at this good will. My impatience is showing and I’m resisting the changes that are good for the organization because I don’t want to do this work anymore. I’m dead weight and I know it.

It’s important for me to feel like I’m making a meaningful contribution - like my work matters - but instead I feel like I’m holding the organization back. Maybe I just need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A year ago I told my boss I was feeling the need for a change. I have 10 years left before I retire and I’m ready to move from fundraising to the other side - grant making and/or government. If I wait much longer, I won’t be able to move. She promoted me and gave me a bit more money, but I’m maxed out now in my mid-50s.

Meanwhile, I’m applying to government and foundation jobs and haven’t landed one yet. These are competitive jobs and I’m competing against all the other burnt out fundraisers who feel like I do following three years of pandemic madness. I haven’t leveraged my network because it feels inappropriate to approach a current funder to ask about a job while working at an organization they support. This has limited my network considerably.

I have a good relationship with my boss. She’s done what she can for me. But the needs of the organization have changed my job into something I don’t want to do anymore. I know she will be a good reference if I leave on good terms. But I feel my bad attitude is chipping away at this good will. My impatience is showing and I’m resisting the changes that are good for the organization because I don’t want to do this work anymore. I’m dead weight and I know it.

It’s important for me to feel like I’m making a meaningful contribution - like my work matters - but instead I feel like I’m holding the organization back. Maybe I just need therapy.

Blah blah blah. I want to be a lifeguard in Malibu or a DJ in South Beach we can’t always get what we want

[Anonymous]

You need to get out of the organizations way if you can’t be helpful. Ask how you can be helpful, do what they say. If you can’t, yeah, resign.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. Quitting is a terrible idea and preserving a reference is a weak justification.

Look for a job while simultaneously actively working on improving your attitude and work output. You may be able to find a coach or therapist to help with this.

[Anonymous]

Alternate evenings between job hunting and reading this
https://www.amazon.com/Love-Dont-Leave-Ways-What/dp/157675250X

[Anonymous]

You need to put a smile on your face and say “sure!” while looking for another job. Learn to fake it.

[Anonymous]

Create your own new nonprofit and "work" there while you look for a new gig. Think of it like an educational exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get out of the organizations way if you can’t be helpful. Ask how you can be helpful, do what they say. If you can’t, yeah, resign.

No, this isn't good advice. OP should continue working until they land a new gig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A year ago I told my boss I was feeling the need for a change. I have 10 years left before I retire and I’m ready to move from fundraising to the other side - grant making and/or government. If I wait much longer, I won’t be able to move. She promoted me and gave me a bit more money, but I’m maxed out now in my mid-50s.

Meanwhile, I’m applying to government and foundation jobs and haven’t landed one yet. These are competitive jobs and I’m competing against all the other burnt out fundraisers who feel like I do following three years of pandemic madness. I haven’t leveraged my network because it feels inappropriate to approach a current funder to ask about a job while working at an organization they support. This has limited my network considerably.

I have a good relationship with my boss. She’s done what she can for me. But the needs of the organization have changed my job into something I don’t want to do anymore. I know she will be a good reference if I leave on good terms. But I feel my bad attitude is chipping away at this good will. My impatience is showing and I’m resisting the changes that are good for the organization because I don’t want to do this work anymore. I’m dead weight and I know it.

It’s important for me to feel like I’m making a meaningful contribution - like my work matters - but instead I feel like I’m holding the organization back. Maybe I just need therapy.

OP, how do you think all those people get those jobs? Do you really think they don't ever mention to others (current funders) that they are looking for a new job?

I'm in a different role, but I have a network of peers in similar roles at different organizations. When I'm looking to move, I reach out to them to see what may be available. And in turn I share opportunities with them. And yes, these people work at competitors to my current company but that's the way the world works.