Is it harder to adjust as an older mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at around age 40. Now they are grown and I’m adjusting to the possibility that we won’t see any grand children.

Our kids’ youth went by way too fast and in our demographic grand children are rare at any age. But I feel that if we had started 10 or 15 years younger we would have a better chance of enjoying that stage of life with them.

Even if you had you kids younger there is no guarantee if they want children. After all I 'm assuming your parents had you young? Honestly you want your kids to want kids not just to fulfil what you think you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had kids with a big age-spread. Much easier when I was older. So much more confident in my decisions, more calm in dealing with things that came up with babies/toddlers/kids.

I have the opposite. Fifteen years between 2nd and 3rd and I’m tired this time and have more worried and responsibilities I never worked full time. For the first two in my early 20s we would go all day and then I would work three nights a week. I was so much more tired as an older mother. We had more money but I’d take the energy and less stress over money.

Just to be clear, I was not an "old" mom when I had my 3rd and 4th, just significantly older than when I had my first two quite young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the older moms congratulating themselves on their emotional maturity are looking for justification.
I know older moms who are less mature than my 19 year old (and I am really depressed for their poor kids). People are remarkably consistent, nice people tend to stay nice, snarky young people become snarky old people, teens with financial problems become adults with financial problems. People rarely become empathetic with age. Actually, there are plenty of examples of people aging into bitter mean elderlies.
So you older moms who say you are emotionally mature, either you were already emotionally mature or you are just kidding yourself that you are at this late age.

So I see we have the graceless perspective of the snarky young person who stayed snarky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the older moms congratulating themselves on their emotional maturity are looking for justification.
I know older moms who are less mature than my 19 year old (and I am really depressed for their poor kids). People are remarkably consistent, nice people tend to stay nice, snarky young people become snarky old people, teens with financial problems become adults with financial problems. People rarely become empathetic with age. Actually, there are plenty of examples of people aging into bitter mean elderlies.
So you older moms who say you are emotionally mature, either you were already emotionally mature or you are just kidding yourself that you are at this late age.

So I see we have the graceless perspective of the snarky young person who stayed snarky.

Read enough of these threads and a you’ll see a few posts with this writing style being very critical of “old moms”. Not sure why others choices affect these folks so much. Defensive, I guess.

[Anonymous]

I’m 62 with a 17 yo son. Adopted. I would like to have more vitality. And I’m pretty engaged. I know I look older and could technically be his grandma or great grandma. And it is what it is. I’m a good mom!

[Anonymous]

I also have a big age spread, having had kids at 26, 27, and 40. I think I was a more fun mom with the older two because I had the energy but I was also a much more stressed mom because I was broke and felt like I had tons to prove to other mothers (I was often the youngest mother in the room at parties and other spaces). Now I'm in a space where I definitely feel my age and I'm not nearly as get-on-the-floor-and-play like I was for the first two, but I'm also much more comfortable, both financially and in my own skin. So I think it all evens out in the wash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had kids with a big age-spread. Much easier when I was older. So much more confident in my decisions, more calm in dealing with things that came up with babies/toddlers/kids.

You had also patented other children for years when you were parenting your younger children. Most people are more confident as they parent more. It probably has more to do with that than age.

This question is another thinly veiled attempt to make everyone argue about a stupid subject. Number of children, whether and how much to work, breast or bottle, private or public, daycare vs nanny. Who cares? We’re all making the best possible choices that we can based on imperfect circumstances.

I see frazzled older first time moms who are rigid and struggle to relate to their children. I also see this in first time younger moms. Personality and circumstances and the child or children themselves determine the extent to which we struggle or thrive as parents and of course this changes based on all of the above too.

[Anonymous]

First and only at 41.

It was an easy transition because I'd had decades to prepare for it and do all of the things I could potentially miss out on after kids. I had 20 years in a "big" career, traveled to dozens of countries, moved a lot, dated a lot, did a lot of soul seeking, therapy, and spiritual work. All the hobbies. There was basically nothing left on my list but becoming a parent. Then a long fertility journey. I just felt so damn lucky to get to the parenting part.

And because I have an only, now that she's five, I don't feel like I've given up much? We once again travel a lot, I'm doing work I really love, I have pleny of childcare and I (most of the time) really enjoy my kid.

I think if I'd become a parent in my 20s or 30s at least for me personally I would have always been a bit jealous of what I was missing out on.

[Anonymous]

Had my kids at 40 and 42. I did okay in terms of the physical aspects. But the biggest downside was my parents' deteriorating health. My parents had me in their mid 30s, so they were already older parents (especially for their generation). They both died when my kids were very little. They'd have been fantastic grandparents. I get wistful seeing my peers getting help from their parents and having 3 generational outings.

[Anonymous]

I had my child at 39. I was better educated about my health and was fitter then than I was in my young 20s. The physical stuff was not a problem. DD was a difficult baby who never slept, and my mom (who is very much a kid person while I’m not) tells me that I was infinitely more patient than she was with us when we were little (she had us when she was in early 20s). We certainly had enough money to make our lives easier by outsourcing whatever we didn’t want to do. The sleep deprivation was still brutal.

I do worry about not being there for DD as long as my parents have been there for me. I think that’s the biggest drawback to having kids late.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 36 and 38. I think it’s easier being an older mom. I don’t have “mom guilt” or feel competitive with other moms because I am confident in my choices and don’t feel peer pressure to dress a certain way or have a certain stroller. I had a lot of seniority at work that made balancing work and home easier. I didn’t have FOMO about friends going out and doing fun things because I had my whole 20s as a single person with disposable income and by the time I got married and had kids all my friends had been living the minivan suburb life for years already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First and only at 41.

It was an easy transition because I'd had decades to prepare for it and do all of the things I could potentially miss out on after kids. I had 20 years in a "big" career, traveled to dozens of countries, moved a lot, dated a lot, did a lot of soul seeking, therapy, and spiritual work. All the hobbies. There was basically nothing left on my list but becoming a parent. Then a long fertility journey. I just felt so damn lucky to get to the parenting part.

And because I have an only, now that she's five, I don't feel like I've given up much? We once again travel a lot, I'm doing work I really love, I have pleny of childcare and I (most of the time) really enjoy my kid.

I think if I'd become a parent in my 20s or 30s at least for me personally I would have always been a bit jealous of what I was missing out on.

Yeah the women who had kids in their 30s are super jealous of you.

[Anonymous]

Easier emotionally, harder on the body.