Is it harder to adjust as an older mom?

[Anonymous]

Or are you more mature so it’s easier to adjust? I know being a new mom is hard no matter what but I wonder if it’s easier to adjust when you are younger or older. Obviously this is a generalization and it’s highly dependent on the person.

[Anonymous]

I had kids with a big age-spread. Much easier when I was older. So much more confident in my decisions, more calm in dealing with things that came up with babies/toddlers/kids.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean new mom like, first-time mom?

[Anonymous]

41 first time mom so nothing to compare it to, but I find it very easy. I have a lot of life experience and emotional maturity that I didn't have when i was younger. And now I can throw money and time at a problem

[Anonymous]

Op - I wonder if older moms/parents have a hard time adjusting because you have an extra 10-15 years of independence and not having to think about the well being of a young kid. I had my first kid at 31 and it was exhausting and such a huge shift in how I thought about my day to day life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had kids with a big age-spread. Much easier when I was older. So much more confident in my decisions, more calm in dealing with things that came up with babies/toddlers/kids.

I have the opposite. Fifteen years between 2nd and 3rd and I’m tired this time and have more worried and responsibilities I never worked full time. For the first two in my early 20s we would go all day and then I would work three nights a week. I was so much more tired as an older mother. We had more money but I’d take the energy and less stress over money.

[Anonymous]

I had my first child at 33. The advantages of being older are that most likely you have more money and more emotional maturity. It wasn't a difficult adjustment for me but I also think I got lucky with an easy tempered baby who slept easily and wasn't fussy. I didn't realize my child was easy until I was around other first time moms with babies who cried a lot more. Those early months can be really difficult if you have a colicky/fussy baby and there is no way really to tell what you are going to get ahead of time!

[Anonymous]

I had kids at 26, 28 and 40. I think it’s easier to adjust to the physical demands of the baby when you are younger. The logistical/ emotional stuff is a toss - some of it is easier when you are young, some - when you are older.

[Anonymous]

I had my last at 43 and the sleep deprivation was brutal. On the other hand, I was more assertive and sure of myself as a mother, and it was a good thing. My caboose baby ended up having a major issue and I did not have a single f@#$ to give about a couple of providers who tried to shut me down. I knew something as wrong and I was correct. I stuck to my guns and my kid got the treatment he needed early on, while his little brain was still plastic. Instead of 8 years of treatment with an uncertain outcome, he only needed one for complete remediation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or are you more mature so it’s easier to adjust? I know being a new mom is hard no matter what but I wonder if it’s easier to adjust when you are younger or older. Obviously this is a generalization and it’s highly dependent on the person.

Age of parents, OP? Are both working? Hours? So many parameters.

[Anonymous]

I had kids at 25, 35 and 39. Honestly? Being a single Mom in my 20s was a blast. We traveled the world together and had so many fun times. I find my mid to late 30s less enjoyable. Between tons of responsibilities (homes, very successful business) and my health suffering from losing a lot of pregnancies plus no doctors willing to treat my issues I'm less energetic, absolutely in years of physical and emotional pain. I don't find it easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - I wonder if older moms/parents have a hard time adjusting because you have an extra 10-15 years of independence and not having to think about the well being of a young kid. I had my first kid at 31 and it was exhausting and such a huge shift in how I thought about my day to day life.

I think this must be really personal and is probably informed by the circumstances that lead up to the pregnancy more than the age of the mom. For example, I was also 31 when my first was born and found the adjustment the easiest thing in the world. But I’d also spent better part of the preceding decade trying to organize my life to be ready for kids so I was over the moon about everything from the positive pregnancy test onward.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard if your poor and or have a bad partner. Since many of us are less likely to have that when we are older vs younger, I suspect it’s easier. Had mine ages 35-45 (surprise baby) and while the sleep deprivation is tough in your 40’s, being financially secure and more senior in your job makes the work life balance and overall stress much easier. However it’s a big risk to start late and you may wind up with infertility which is devastating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - I wonder if older moms/parents have a hard time adjusting because you have an extra 10-15 years of independence and not having to think about the well being of a young kid. I had my first kid at 31 and it was exhausting and such a huge shift in how I thought about my day to day life.

This seems to be my husband’s problem (we are 48 and 49 with a 10 year old). He seems increasingly unwilling to inconvenience himself and seems to have thought he could just shift back tj his pre kids life once we got out of the baby/toddler stage.

[Anonymous]

Op - I find my older brother in law is much much less flexible and understanding of young kids. And he had kids later in life (mid 40s).

But he is now 56 and when we bring our youngest around he just has very little patience for him. I know it’s not his kid so he doesn’t have to but sometimes I think this is why it’s hard to have kids later. You just have less patience for little kid stuff when you are in your late 40s/early 50s than in your 30s.