Is it harder to adjust as an older mom?

[Anonymous]

I also had my first at 31 and at 38 am in a round of people I know well having first kids a little later. It does seem like the adjustment is harder and I think in some cases it is because they are a little more settled into their lives so it’s a big adjustment. But on the other hand, they have more money and are generally more confident with some of the things that tripped me up (boundaries with family, I pressured myself to BF, less confident in my career).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or are you more mature so it’s easier to adjust? I know being a new mom is hard no matter what but I wonder if it’s easier to adjust when you are younger or older. Obviously this is a generalization and it’s highly dependent on the person.

Physically as a younger mom. Mentally as an older mom. Obviously there are innumerous variables.

[Anonymous]

I think all the older moms congratulating themselves on their emotional maturity are looking for justification.
I know older moms who are less mature than my 19 year old (and I am really depressed for their poor kids). People are remarkably consistent, nice people tend to stay nice, snarky young people become snarky old people, teens with financial problems become adults with financial problems. People rarely become empathetic with age. Actually, there are plenty of examples of people aging into bitter mean elderlies.
So you older moms who say you are emotionally mature, either you were already emotionally mature or you are just kidding yourself that you are at this late age.

[Anonymous]

All in all, if everything aligned then choose the window of 27-35 for reproduction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - I wonder if older moms/parents have a hard time adjusting because you have an extra 10-15 years of independence and not having to think about the well being of a young kid. I had my first kid at 31 and it was exhausting and such a huge shift in how I thought about my day to day life.

for me it was the opposite - I had all the time I wanted for myself, now I wanted to focus on someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the older moms congratulating themselves on their emotional maturity are looking for justification.
I know older moms who are less mature than my 19 year old (and I am really depressed for their poor kids). People are remarkably consistent, nice people tend to stay nice, snarky young people become snarky old people, teens with financial problems become adults with financial problems. People rarely become empathetic with age. Actually, there are plenty of examples of people aging into bitter mean elderlies.
So you older moms who say you are emotionally mature, either you were already emotionally mature or you are just kidding yourself that you are at this late age.

how old are you? you don't sound very mature, honestly.

[Anonymous]

I think so. I had almost 15 years of working in a high paying industry and fun nights out, luxury travel, living in highly desirable cities.

I have not enjoyed parenting and dislike having children. Love my children but feel as though I’ve lost everything I enjoy about life especially travel and socializing.

[Anonymous]

I had mine at around age 40. Now they are grown and I’m adjusting to the possibility that we won’t see any grand children.

Our kids’ youth went by way too fast and in our demographic grand children are rare at any age. But I feel that if we had started 10 or 15 years younger we would have a better chance of enjoying that stage of life with them.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a mixed bag. I had until 35 to live life solely on my terms and that was REALLY hard to give up. But I was also more calm and wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think so. I had almost 15 years of working in a high paying industry and fun nights out, luxury travel, living in highly desirable cities.

I have not enjoyed parenting and dislike having children. Love my children but feel as though I’ve lost everything I enjoy about life especially travel and socializing.

Op - this is what I wonder the think would happen if I waited to 40 to have kids.

I have friends who are late 30s who don’t have kids yet and they sleep until 10am on the weekends and go out to concerts and bars every weekend! I can’t even imagine doing that now that I have kids (slightly jealous of the sleep!) but it would be so hard to shift from doing that for 20+ years to waking up at 7am (or before) every Saturday and Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - I wonder if older moms/parents have a hard time adjusting because you have an extra 10-15 years of independence and not having to think about the well being of a young kid. I had my first kid at 31 and it was exhausting and such a huge shift in how I thought about my day to day life.

Yes, I think this is true for many parents, because we now spend most of young adulthood focusing on ourselves only. If someone has a child in their early 20’s, it might be easier to transition to the demands because they don’t know any different. However older parents have more maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the older moms congratulating themselves on their emotional maturity are looking for justification.
I know older moms who are less mature than my 19 year old (and I am really depressed for their poor kids). People are remarkably consistent, nice people tend to stay nice, snarky young people become snarky old people, teens with financial problems become adults with financial problems. People rarely become empathetic with age. Actually, there are plenty of examples of people aging into bitter mean elderlies.
So you older moms who say you are emotionally mature, either you were already emotionally mature or you are just kidding yourself that you are at this late age.

Ok then you were always so simple minded and nasty

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it’s not going to be easier, physically or mentally. But I agree you can through money at the problems- hire a night nanny and then a FT nanny,house cleaners, get a personal trainer, a personal chef, haha. Whatever you can do…

[Anonymous]

I have a kid with disabilities - both cognitive and mental health related. I always felt like my younger self would never have been able to successfully navigate his needs nor had the fortitude and maturity to deal with all of the roadblocks to success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the older moms congratulating themselves on their emotional maturity are looking for justification.
I know older moms who are less mature than my 19 year old (and I am really depressed for their poor kids). People are remarkably consistent, nice people tend to stay nice, snarky young people become snarky old people, teens with financial problems become adults with financial problems. People rarely become empathetic with age. Actually, there are plenty of examples of people aging into bitter mean elderlies.
So you older moms who say you are emotionally mature, either you were already emotionally mature or you are just kidding yourself that you are at this late age.

I think some of the older moms must have triggered your insecurity for some reason.

Look we all 'fool' ourselves in sone way or another and honestly isn't that better than feeling doubt abd insecure. A question was asked on a annoymous site. I doubt anyone would share with you in real life if you never asked!

Either way why do you care and why bring others down?