Son is failing classes, I can’t afford another tutor.

[Anonymous]

Has he had executive function training? My kid did over last summer, and it didn't help a bit until we worked with him every_single_school night this year. He's almost up to working on his own now.

Giving up on something basic like appropriate-level homework is not an option.

DH and I break up who is helping him study for what, as needed. Telling us "I have no homework" is not an option; we look at everything, help organize his notebooks and binders if needed, and walk through everything together keep the habits alive, and it is working. He is feeling more confident in his abilities and his homework and test scores show definite improvement.

I have inattentive ADHD and the habits I cultivated in college are now working for my kid. It is painful at the start, but once you find a system and *stick with it*, it can work. It is the sticking with it that is the hardest part.

[Anonymous]

Find friends to explain to him how meds help them thrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are spending your money in the wrong place.

Stop with the tutor.

Get him a thorough neuropsych/neuroed. Find out why he doesn’t want to take meds.

With that info, figure out how to help him understand himself.

You are way overdue to do these things. The kid needs your help.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has mild ADD, doesn’t want to take the meds for it. He is not depressed, with exception to his grades but part of him doesn’t care or rather he accepts he’s not “smart” - in his words.

In math, I hired an expensive tutor and he now has a B - this is after I spent so much money on mathnasium which is futile. I cannot hire a professional tutor for religion, spanish and English too. He’s 15, Feb. birthday. I threatened to make him repeat a grade, this is after being so “good” not yelling at him the last couple years. He’s sensitive.

He is going to get a job this summer, should i make him fork over some money towards all the tutoring? I am beside myself.

How many years did you spend telling at your poor child before your finally triedna new approach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to make him take the meds. He isn’t functional without them.

NP and you can’t force a 15 yo to take meds. My 16 yo is currently not medicated after trying so many and has ADHD.

Lower your expectations. Is he going to fail the classes? Focus on the core content. It’s almost fourth quarter. If he’s in danger of actually failing, have him go see those teachers regularly. My kid is also in private and it’s much harder than public. I understand how religion and Spanish are likely required but just try to pass those and have him put energy into the others for now to earn credit for the year.

For Spanish, you could probably just hire a native speaker around here to talk with him for a couple hours a week--that shouldn't be all that costly, and it might be more fun. It's not really that hard to learn a foreign language--stupid people learn foreign languages all the time, they just say stupid things in those languages (and your son is not stupid, so he would say smart things in Spanish).

[Anonymous]

I got a weekend job to be able to afford tutor(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he go to public school? Easier grading.

+1 He'll be an A student.

[Anonymous]

Why is he against taking meds? Is he open to talking to his pediatrician to learn how these meds work? My 15yo was diagnosed with mild ADHD in 4th grade and started on meds in middle school and it's been life-changing. DH, DS and I all met with the pediatrician before he went on meds because we all had questions and were a little reluctant, but we were sold on it after learning more and I'm glad we kept an open mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a weekend job to be able to afford tutor(s).

Teacher here. I want my DS to a Catholic school. When he needed a math tutor, I started tutoring and babysitting to pay for his math tutor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he against taking meds? Is he open to talking to his pediatrician to learn how these meds work? My 15yo was diagnosed with mild ADHD in 4th grade and started on meds in middle school and it's been life-changing. DH, DS and I all met with the pediatrician before he went on meds because we all had questions and were a little reluctant, but we were sold on it after learning more and I'm glad we kept an open mind.

Same here. My son started on meds at age 15. He was also against it "why do I need them? I don't want to take them" but i laid down the law. No med today, no phone. Period. I'm a firm believer that you can't make teenagers do much against their will but I pulled out every trick (the atomic option) I had on this one.

It has been life changing. Within a few weeks (of taking the stimulant) he told me "huh, this stuff calms my brain down." Being a teenager, he still fought us for a while, mostly about the appointments ---which are virtual so hardly a major time suck but he still dislikes them--what teenage boy wants to talk to a psychiatrist?

However, what really helped him develop his own agency was seeing his grades. They literally went from a mix of As and Bs (at a challenging private) to straight As. Looking back at his report card (it's now another year later) there is pretty much a definitive line in the sand. He now takes the pill and leaves the house before I even wake up.

From a parent's perspective, his is a different kid when medicated. He was never a hyperactive teen but he would come home (with 3 hours of work to do) and just start and stop and get up and sit down and get up and sit down for hours each evening. It was commonly 10 or 11pm and I'd talk with him to find out that he still had 3 hours of homework to go. He was also chronically unable to start an assignment--especially if it was something difficult like a paper or major exam. Now (medicated) he comes home and cranks through work. He plans ahead. He's not perfect but he's literally 90% improved. AND he has to do less studying at home because he's far more engaged in class and really maximizes what he can get out of lectures.

It sounds like I'm pushing meds and if you knew me in real life you wouldn't believe this because I'm one of the most "natural, organic, etc" people you'd meet. I hate taking medications myself. But man, this has been life changing for my kid and my marriage. I share my story because so often I read about boys like your son (and many others) and think about how familiar the story is to my own kid.

[Anonymous]

Can an honors student tutor him? Not sure how receptive he would be to that. Talk to the counselor and put together a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he against taking meds? Is he open to talking to his pediatrician to learn how these meds work? My 15yo was diagnosed with mild ADHD in 4th grade and started on meds in middle school and it's been life-changing. DH, DS and I all met with the pediatrician before he went on meds because we all had questions and were a little reluctant, but we were sold on it after learning more and I'm glad we kept an open mind.

Same here. My son started on meds at age 15. He was also against it "why do I need them? I don't want to take them" but i laid down the law. No med today, no phone. Period. I'm a firm believer that you can't make teenagers do much against their will but I pulled out every trick (the atomic option) I had on this one.

It has been life changing. Within a few weeks (of taking the stimulant) he told me "huh, this stuff calms my brain down." Being a teenager, he still fought us for a while, mostly about the appointments ---which are virtual so hardly a major time suck but he still dislikes them--what teenage boy wants to talk to a psychiatrist?

However, what really helped him develop his own agency was seeing his grades. They literally went from a mix of As and Bs (at a challenging private) to straight As. Looking back at his report card (it's now another year later) there is pretty much a definitive line in the sand. He now takes the pill and leaves the house before I even wake up.

From a parent's perspective, his is a different kid when medicated. He was never a hyperactive teen but he would come home (with 3 hours of work to do) and just start and stop and get up and sit down and get up and sit down for hours each evening. It was commonly 10 or 11pm and I'd talk with him to find out that he still had 3 hours of homework to go. He was also chronically unable to start an assignment--especially if it was something difficult like a paper or major exam. Now (medicated) he comes home and cranks through work. He plans ahead. He's not perfect but he's literally 90% improved. AND he has to do less studying at home because he's far more engaged in class and really maximizes what he can get out of lectures.

It sounds like I'm pushing meds and if you knew me in real life you wouldn't believe this because I'm one of the most "natural, organic, etc" people you'd meet. I hate taking medications myself. But man, this has been life changing for my kid and my marriage. I share my story because so often I read about boys like your son (and many others) and think about how familiar the story is to my own kid.

I'm the PP who was quoted here. I would add that you don't necessarily have to go through a psychiatrist. Our pediatrician prescribes my son's meds and they have a med check every six months to make sure the dosage is still right. Just make sure your pediatrician is knowledgeable enough about ADHD meds to talk you through the different types, start at the lowest dose and adjust from there.

[Anonymous]

The meds, OP. Right now you are essentially asking him to work against his brain, so it’s never going to work well. I wouldn’t let a diabetic teen refuse insulin and I don’t let my ADHD teen skip meds either - we talk about/mitigate side effects, experiment with dosages, etc., but he takes the meds. Because you arent allowed to ruin the life/mood of everyone around you because you won’t use a simple, safe solution.

[Anonymous]

It is the social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he go to public school? Easier grading.

+1 He'll be an A student.

Comments like this are so obnoxious. DD is a top student and works very hard for her A’s.