How do I learn self-control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medication is helping many people. It made me feel sick and I couldn't get above the lowest dose.

I eat between about 6 and 2 pm. Then I stop eating completely and do at least a 16 hour fast. I drink herbal tea and water with lemon. It's been about two months and I'm doing pretty well. I'm definitely down about 7 or so pounds and my clothes are fitting better.

I'm 100% a food addict and this has helped me understand my patterns.

Oh I like this idea.

People need to stop beating themselves up for being fat. Many people lack self-control in a lot of areas. I, for instance, have been trying to spend less time on DCUM for years to no avail, but that fact that I lack self-control in this area doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I'm not overweight so it's probably easy for me to say, but if you need medication, there is no shame in it.

This sounds kind, but isn't. Being fat is an awful drain on yourself, your family, the medical system. You likely doom your children to the same fate.

You can rewrite your whole family narrative by successfully kicking this habit.

I don't mean for it to be kind. I think it's just a fact that beating yourself up isn't the way to make any meaningful change, regardless of how bad what you're doing is. There are a lot of things that are awful drains on an individual, their family, and society, and people don't think that shaming them is the solution. Loving yourself, on the other hand, is transformative and leads to lasting change. Also, it's not true that losing weight is necessarily going to re-write your family narrative. It might but parents have much less control over their kids than they think they do. I know plenty of thin people with fat kids, and fat people with thin kids, and of course genetics is king when it comes to body size.

It is vanishingly rare to find an American who has trouble loving herself. If anything, the OP probably loves herself too much. After all, she constantly awards herself with an astonishing array of treats.

I know the Hallmark movies love this kind of thing, but it's not exactly what you might call "true".

[Anonymous]

Spend a week and write down everything you eat. Include the amount, calories, and time of day. Note how you felt when you ate. Were you experiencing hunger pains? Were you bored? Were you avoiding doing work and seeking a distraction? This is an eye opening exercise that will make you so much more aware and accountable for your food choices and how much you are consuming. You will figure out where you can reduce food and where you need to find strategies to improve habits based upon weaknesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medication is helping many people. It made me feel sick and I couldn't get above the lowest dose.

I eat between about 6 and 2 pm. Then I stop eating completely and do at least a 16 hour fast. I drink herbal tea and water with lemon. It's been about two months and I'm doing pretty well. I'm definitely down about 7 or so pounds and my clothes are fitting better.

I'm 100% a food addict and this has helped me understand my patterns.

Oh I like this idea.

People need to stop beating themselves up for being fat. Many people lack self-control in a lot of areas. I, for instance, have been trying to spend less time on DCUM for years to no avail, but that fact that I lack self-control in this area doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I'm not overweight so it's probably easy for me to say, but if you need medication, there is no shame in it.

This sounds kind, but isn't. Being fat is an awful drain on yourself, your family, the medical system. You likely doom your children to the same fate.

You can rewrite your whole family narrative by successfully kicking this habit.

I don't mean for it to be kind. I think it's just a fact that beating yourself up isn't the way to make any meaningful change, regardless of how bad what you're doing is. There are a lot of things that are awful drains on an individual, their family, and society, and people don't think that shaming them is the solution. Loving yourself, on the other hand, is transformative and leads to lasting change. Also, it's not true that losing weight is necessarily going to re-write your family narrative. It might but parents have much less control over their kids than they think they do. I know plenty of thin people with fat kids, and fat people with thin kids, and of course genetics is king when it comes to body size.

It is vanishingly rare to find an American who has trouble loving herself. If anything, the OP probably loves herself too much. After all, she constantly awards herself with an astonishing array of treats.

I know the Hallmark movies love this kind of thing, but it's not exactly what you might call "true".

You sound like yet another poster to bash Americans, particularly for their weight, so I am tempted to ignore you. But instead I will state the obvious: "constantly awards herself with an astonishing array of treats" is not love. It's the opposite. It's a terrible lack of care and regard for one's body and mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Practice self control in a different area of your life to build that muscle. Some examples: stick to a strict wake up or sleep schedule. Hold off on a purchase(s). Complete a crossword puzzle each day. Don't raise your voice or otherwise yell at your kids, especially when you really want to. You can build from these little things and then turn your attention to the foods and drinks you consume. Start with one thing: alcohol or caloric drinks and cut it out of your diet for a week. See if you can extend that to build more self control. Please don't shame yourself as soneone suggested. You be doing secondary injury to an already sore spot.

This is such great advice. One it helps you develop and exercise the self-control muscle. Two, it adds to your own identity about yourself; you are a person with self-control and discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am someone with an extreme sugar addiction, as in I would stop by Krispy Kreme and get three donuts to satisfy my sweet tooth. I have a very high risk of diabetes (both parents type 2 and I have high post meal glucose numbers even though a1c is good) and was forced to cut sugar. Only one thing worked for me, which I know goes against current discourse on food: I shamed myself for indulging in donuts and cake. Literally would berate myself every time I did it. Finally, in January the guilt and shame got so bad that I just stopped! My daily trips to Wegmans to get two slices of cake stopped! I am so happy and so proud of myself.

Unfortunately I already have extremely low self-confidence, so shaming would be the worst thing for me.

Give it a shot. It will help.

But more importantly, join something like a CrossFit gym. This worked for me AND for my wife. The group workouts and community are fun, everyone is very encouraging. And you quickly enter a cycle where when you start to reach for the donut, you recognize what it's going to cost you during tomorrow's workout. So it's way easier to eat a banana instead. Seriously--fighting this with diet alone is the absolute hardest way.

Literally not true.

While the statement is literally not true, replacing snacking with exercise will work. And exercise will make you feel better, which will make you want to continue, which will make it easier to fight the cravings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am someone with an extreme sugar addiction, as in I would stop by Krispy Kreme and get three donuts to satisfy my sweet tooth. I have a very high risk of diabetes (both parents type 2 and I have high post meal glucose numbers even though a1c is good) and was forced to cut sugar. Only one thing worked for me, which I know goes against current discourse on food: I shamed myself for indulging in donuts and cake. Literally would berate myself every time I did it. Finally, in January the guilt and shame got so bad that I just stopped! My daily trips to Wegmans to get two slices of cake stopped! I am so happy and so proud of myself.

Unfortunately I already have extremely low self-confidence, so shaming would be the worst thing for me.

Give it a shot. It will help.

But more importantly, join something like a CrossFit gym. This worked for me AND for my wife. The group workouts and community are fun, everyone is very encouraging. And you quickly enter a cycle where when you start to reach for the donut, you recognize what it's going to cost you during tomorrow's workout. So it's way easier to eat a banana instead. Seriously--fighting this with diet alone is the absolute hardest way.

Literally not true.

While the statement is literally not true, replacing snacking with exercise will work. And exercise will make you feel better, which will make you want to continue, which will make it easier to fight the cravings.

This exactly. Endurance sports helped me kick alcohol for this exact reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medication is helping many people. It made me feel sick and I couldn't get above the lowest dose.

I eat between about 6 and 2 pm. Then I stop eating completely and do at least a 16 hour fast. I drink herbal tea and water with lemon. It's been about two months and I'm doing pretty well. I'm definitely down about 7 or so pounds and my clothes are fitting better.

I'm 100% a food addict and this has helped me understand my patterns.

Oh I like this idea.

People need to stop beating themselves up for being fat. Many people lack self-control in a lot of areas. I, for instance, have been trying to spend less time on DCUM for years to no avail, but that fact that I lack self-control in this area doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I'm not overweight so it's probably easy for me to say, but if you need medication, there is no shame in it.

This sounds kind, but isn't. Being fat is an awful drain on yourself, your family, the medical system. You likely doom your children to the same fate.

You can rewrite your whole family narrative by successfully kicking this habit.

I don't mean for it to be kind. I think it's just a fact that beating yourself up isn't the way to make any meaningful change, regardless of how bad what you're doing is. There are a lot of things that are awful drains on an individual, their family, and society, and people don't think that shaming them is the solution. Loving yourself, on the other hand, is transformative and leads to lasting change. Also, it's not true that losing weight is necessarily going to re-write your family narrative. It might but parents have much less control over their kids than they think they do. I know plenty of thin people with fat kids, and fat people with thin kids, and of course genetics is king when it comes to body size.

It is vanishingly rare to find an American who has trouble loving herself. If anything, the OP probably loves herself too much. After all, she constantly awards herself with an astonishing array of treats.

I know the Hallmark movies love this kind of thing, but it's not exactly what you might call "true".

It sounds like you don't love yourself very much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Medication is helping many people. It made me feel sick and I couldn't get above the lowest dose.

I eat between about 6 and 2 pm. Then I stop eating completely and do at least a 16 hour fast. I drink herbal tea and water with lemon. It's been about two months and I'm doing pretty well. I'm definitely down about 7 or so pounds and my clothes are fitting better.

I'm 100% a food addict and this has helped me understand my patterns.

Oh I like this idea.

People need to stop beating themselves up for being fat. Many people lack self-control in a lot of areas. I, for instance, have been trying to spend less time on DCUM for years to no avail, but that fact that I lack self-control in this area doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I'm not overweight so it's probably easy for me to say, but if you need medication, there is no shame in it.

This sounds kind, but isn't. Being fat is an awful drain on yourself, your family, the medical system. You likely doom your children to the same fate.

You can rewrite your whole family narrative by successfully kicking this habit.

I don't mean for it to be kind. I think it's just a fact that beating yourself up isn't the way to make any meaningful change, regardless of how bad what you're doing is. There are a lot of things that are awful drains on an individual, their family, and society, and people don't think that shaming them is the solution. Loving yourself, on the other hand, is transformative and leads to lasting change. Also, it's not true that losing weight is necessarily going to re-write your family narrative. It might but parents have much less control over their kids than they think they do. I know plenty of thin people with fat kids, and fat people with thin kids, and of course genetics is king when it comes to body size.

It is vanishingly rare to find an American who has trouble loving herself. If anything, the OP probably loves herself too much. After all, she constantly awards herself with an astonishing array of treats.

I know the Hallmark movies love this kind of thing, but it's not exactly what you might call "true".

It sounds like you don't love yourself very much.

Uh no. Like nearly everyone, I love myself too much. I am at constant war against it.