Any of you forbid fraternities for DS? Dumb idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I try to let our children have control of their decisions. But fraternities scare me. We also have no direct experience as my DH and I went to a school that didn’t have fraternities or sororities.

Our DS is a high school junior so it’s not an issue facing us right now, but trying to begin thinking about it.

Did any of you tell your children, for their safety, fraternies were not an option? Is that even a silly restriction since we don’t have direct experience but just hear what is in the news? And it’s not about them paying for it vs us paying for it - it’s about safety.

What precisely are you scared about, OP? What are the safety issues with fraternities writ large?

Also, it appears you are talking about just joining fraternities. But I am guessing that many (or most) of the "dangers" you likely are "scared of" will be present just from going to fraternity parties, or hanging out with fraternity members. Are you thinking of forbidding your some from doing that, as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I try to let our children have control of their decisions. But fraternities scare me. We also have no direct experience as my DH and I went to a school that didn’t have fraternities or sororities.

Our DS is a high school junior so it’s not an issue facing us right now, but trying to begin thinking about it.

Did any of you tell your children, for their safety, fraternies were not an option? Is that even a silly restriction since we don’t have direct experience but just hear what is in the news? And it’s not about them paying for it vs us paying for it - it’s about safety.

Dumb idea joining a frat? Yes.
forbid kid from joining? No.

[Anonymous]

Not sure how you will even know if they did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how you will even know if they did

Greek dues can be hundreds/thousands per semester, so unless the kid has a way of paying those out of their own pocket, the parents will find out when the dues need to be paid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have zero control over what your kid does in college unless you keep them at home in a local college and instill a curfew. Hopefully by 18 you’ve taught them to evaluate situations before they get into them and leave immediately when they feel uncomfortable, there’s not much else you can do.

Actually, very few of these college students are paying for their education.

A parent cannot control the (adult) student's behavior, but they hold the purse strings and can certainly outline what they are willing to pay for, including not being willing to pay for fraternities or sororities.

For our kids, we have made it clear that frats and sororities are a no go. We ill not pay for them u der any circumstances.

Professional fraternities are a completely different ballgame. We are happy to pay for those.

But buying friends, excessive alcohol consumption and hazing are not a worthwhile return on our investment. If they want to go greek, then they need to get a job and pay for it aling with luving expenses on their own.

Adults pay their own way.

Adults who rely upon someone else to foot the bill sometimes do not get to do all the fun stuff they want to do.

Btw professional fraternities are not a “completely different ballgame”. If you think they are you are deluded. At UVA last year the following organizations we investigated for hazing: club gymnastics, UGuides and Theta Tau (the engineering frat).

I suspect PP meant professional societies like ACM.org, or the Phi Beta Kappa academic honor societies, not the kinds of groups you mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have zero control over what your kid does in college unless you keep them at home in a local college and instill a curfew. Hopefully by 18 you’ve taught them to evaluate situations before they get into them and leave immediately when they feel uncomfortable, there’s not much else you can do.

Actually, very few of these college students are paying for their education.

A parent cannot control the (adult) student's behavior, but they hold the purse strings and can certainly outline what they are willing to pay for, including not being willing to pay for fraternities or sororities.

For our kids, we have made it clear that frats and sororities are a no go. We ill not pay for them u der any circumstances.

Professional fraternities are a completely different ballgame. We are happy to pay for those.

But buying friends, excessive alcohol consumption and hazing are not a worthwhile return on our investment. If they want to go greek, then they need to get a job and pay for it aling with luving expenses on their own.

Adults pay their own way.

Adults who rely upon someone else to foot the bill sometimes do not get to do all the fun stuff they want to do.

Btw professional fraternities are not a “completely different ballgame”. If you think they are you are deluded. At UVA last year the following organizations we investigated for hazing: club gymnastics, UGuides and Theta Tau (the engineering frat).

I suspect PP meant professional societies like ACM.org, or the Phi Beta Kappa academic honor societies, not the kinds of groups you mentioned.

As a Phi Beta Kappa member, I feel compelled to mention that it was started by a group of drinking friends at the Raleigh Tavern near William & Mary. Though it's gotten boring since 1776.

[Anonymous]

They are too expensive. If ds wants to be in a fraternity, he needs to earn the money himself.

[Anonymous]

Safety?

Once they are away there is little you can do to ensure their safety. You put in the time beforehand to try to encourage them to make good decisions.

Is the death/injury rate of kids in fraternities significantly higher than those not in fraternities?

I don’t know that forbidding random things in advance that you have chosen to get anxious about is the best way to raise resilient kids.

[Anonymous]

“forbid”? No. I don’t “forbid” my gown children. The chopper stopped hovering at high school graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have zero control over what your kid does in college unless you keep them at home in a local college and instill a curfew. Hopefully by 18 you’ve taught them to evaluate situations before they get into them and leave immediately when they feel uncomfortable, there’s not much else you can do.

Actually, very few of these college students are paying for their education.

A parent cannot control the (adult) student's behavior, but they hold the purse strings and can certainly outline what they are willing to pay for, including not being willing to pay for fraternities or sororities.

For our kids, we have made it clear that frats and sororities are a no go. We ill not pay for them u der any circumstances.

Professional fraternities are a completely different ballgame. We are happy to pay for those.

But buying friends, excessive alcohol consumption and hazing are not a worthwhile return on our investment. If they want to go greek, then they need to get a job and pay for it aling with luving expenses on their own.

Adults pay their own way.

Adults who rely upon someone else to foot the bill sometimes do not get to do all the fun stuff they want to do.

So you also wouldn't join a country club, a swim club, a professional organization, a social club like The Cosmos Club, or any class/meetup related to a hobby (writing, hiking, etc), correct?

[Anonymous]

Nope financial

Although we could easily afford it we were not paying for that shit

If they wanted to pay then sure. One of mine out of six did he regrets that decision to this day

They are adults this is not your decision however you don’t have to fund it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have zero control over what your kid does in college unless you keep them at home in a local college and instill a curfew. Hopefully by 18 you’ve taught them to evaluate situations before they get into them and leave immediately when they feel uncomfortable, there’s not much else you can do.

Actually, very few of these college students are paying for their education.

A parent cannot control the (adult) student's behavior, but they hold the purse strings and can certainly outline what they are willing to pay for, including not being willing to pay for fraternities or sororities.

For our kids, we have made it clear that frats and sororities are a no go. We ill not pay for them u der any circumstances.

Not the same

You paid for your kid to do this they are an adult
Professional fraternities are a completely different ballgame. We are happy to pay for those.

But buying friends, excessive alcohol consumption and hazing are not a worthwhile return on our investment. If they want to go greek, then they need to get a job and pay for it aling with luving expenses on their own.

Adults pay their own way.

Adults who rely upon someone else to foot the bill sometimes do not get to do all the fun stuff they want to do.

So you also wouldn't join a country club, a swim club, a professional organization, a social club like The Cosmos Club, or any class/meetup related to a hobby (writing, hiking, etc), correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I try to let our children have control of their decisions. But fraternities scare me. We also have no direct experience as my DH and I went to a school that didn’t have fraternities or sororities.

Our DS is a high school junior so it’s not an issue facing us right now, but trying to begin thinking about it.

Did any of you tell your children, for their safety, fraternies were not an option? Is that even a silly restriction since we don’t have direct experience but just hear what is in the news? And it’s not about them paying for it vs us paying for it - it’s about safety.

I was in a sorority. I didn't like it. I didn't like the value system at all. It all kind of repulsed me.

I would NOT tell my kids not to do it. I told them my experience, then told them if they valued that kind of crap, go for it. But, they would pay for it on their own. I reminded them it isn't just dues; its also a lot of extras that were required (clothing, admission fees, dance fees, initiation fees, etc., etc.)

[Anonymous]

I won't even need to mention it to either of my kids who find the whole concept completely barbaric and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No need to forbid. My kids did not once consider those organizations. They are discriminatory by definition. Repulsive.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.