Is my therapist being unethical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she ever see both of you together in the same session?

-therapist

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a therapist. This is unethical. This is a pretty classic definition of a dual relationship. While it is sometimes impossible to avoid some kind of dual relationship, this is one that it's totally possible to avoid. In this situation, my ethical interpretation is that your husband would ALWAYS be off limits to me as a client, regardless of whether you and I have terminated our relationship or not. That you are the only one who sees this problem is a huge red flag about both of these people.

The biggest issue here is your husband. Have you asked him directly to stop seeing your therapist? I actually would not assume that the therapist knows about the dual relationship and is cool with it. I think it's more likely that your husband came to therapy with her proactively and did not mention the dual relationship. She may know exactly who his wife is, but because of the confidentiality that she still must keep for you, she cannot discuss that with him. The ethical thing for her to do is to terminate the relationship with your husband and refer out due to an ethical conflict of interest.

If he refuses to stop seeing her, you are welcome to get in touch with her, bring the dual relationship formally to her attention, and tell her that you do not consent to any sharing of your information with your husband in session. You can request to revoke any kind of release that you signed about him when you were seeing her actively.

The fact that you need to do any of this suggests you have a lousy marriage partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a therapist. This is unethical. This is a pretty classic definition of a dual relationship. While it is sometimes impossible to avoid some kind of dual relationship, this is one that it's totally possible to avoid. In this situation, my ethical interpretation is that your husband would ALWAYS be off limits to me as a client, regardless of whether you and I have terminated our relationship or not. That you are the only one who sees this problem is a huge red flag about both of these people.

The biggest issue here is your husband. Have you asked him directly to stop seeing your therapist? I actually would not assume that the therapist knows about the dual relationship and is cool with it. I think it's more likely that your husband came to therapy with her proactively and did not mention the dual relationship. She may know exactly who his wife is, but because of the confidentiality that she still must keep for you, she cannot discuss that with him. The ethical thing for her to do is to terminate the relationship with your husband and refer out due to an ethical conflict of interest.

If he refuses to stop seeing her, you are welcome to get in touch with her, bring the dual relationship formally to her attention, and tell her that you do not consent to any sharing of your information with your husband in session. You can request to revoke any kind of release that you signed about him when you were seeing her actively.

The fact that you need to do any of this suggests you have a lousy marriage partner.

+1
He should not be making you eat your discomfort.
As for therapists, I've found the handful I've known to be wildly unethical. I will never trust one again, feels like I paid to walk through sewage.

[Anonymous]

So it's been at least 4 years since she last saw you as a patient. I imagine there's some sort of time limit.

[Anonymous]

Google “transference in therapy.” It’s almost like this is an emotional affair he is having with the therapist. Otherwise why wouldn’t he find a different one? It’s a very common phenomenon in therapy, especially when the therapist is of the sex that the patient is attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's been at least 4 years since she last saw you as a patient. I imagine there's some sort of time limit.

Is there? I thought the confidentiality never expired. Can she go tell all my secrets at a cocktail party just because ten years have passed? I didn’t think so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH does not want to start over with someone else and I guess feels like he connects with her (i think she tells him what she wants to hear and he likes that). I guess the bigger issue is that he does not see the issue, or care that it bothers me.

I mean you don't care that he sees benefit from it and it's helpful to him so there seems to be a lack of care from both of you

Further you don't care about ethics.

Your mad because you think he's painting you in a bad light like you did to him and everything that applied to him.now applies to you.
Honestly doesn't seem like this therapist does much useful just listens to people whine and takes their money. Zero growth required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's been at least 4 years since she last saw you as a patient. I imagine there's some sort of time limit.

Is there? I thought the confidentiality never expired. Can she go tell all my secrets at a cocktail party just because ten years have passed? I didn’t think so

She can never tell your secrets. But I imagine there are time limits as to who she can take on as a patient.
You also have no proof she's telling any secrets.

I'm not the one to try your drama and manipulation with

[Anonymous]

Huh? It was a hypothetical. I never said she was telling my secrets. Odd that you are so hostile in your response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's been at least 4 years since she last saw you as a patient. I imagine there's some sort of time limit.

Is there? I thought the confidentiality never expired. Can she go tell all my secrets at a cocktail party just because ten years have passed? I didn’t think so

I guess you haven't attended a party with a therapist around. Clients are their endless source of material to seem more interesting than they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? It was a hypothetical. I never said she was telling my secrets. Odd that you are so hostile in your response.

The majority here believe it is unethical for your former therapist to be seeing your husband. Have you contacted her and addressed this yet? However this pans out, your husband is a big problem and you need to deal with him.

[Anonymous]

My sibling wanted to see my psychiatrist. I told them it was fine and gave them the doctor's number. When the psychiatrist got a message from my sibling they called me first, before calling my sibling back, to see if I knew about it and to ask how I felt about it and to reassure that things remain confidential.

Did any of that happen? It probably should have. But the therapist isn't prohibited from taking your DH on as a client, they are just prohibited from revealing things you told them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Google “transference in therapy.” It’s almost like this is an emotional affair he is having with the therapist. Otherwise why wouldn’t he find a different one? It’s a very common phenomenon in therapy, especially when the therapist is of the sex that the patient is attracted to.

Good therapists are very hard to find, and most have long waiting lists. Once you find a good one, it makes sense to stay with them. He doesn't need to be having "an emotional affair" to not want to have to find a new therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling wanted to see my psychiatrist. I told them it was fine and gave them the doctor's number. When the psychiatrist got a message from my sibling they called me first, before calling my sibling back, to see if I knew about it and to ask how I felt about it and to reassure that things remain confidential.

Did any of that happen? It probably should have. But the therapist isn't prohibited from taking your DH on as a client, they are just prohibited from revealing things you told them.

No none of that happened. I also thought it was different with spouses when they are discussing the other spouse. That is why it now feels like a conflict of interest to me, but the whole reason I posted to ask was because I really don't know, it just feels off to me. Do you think your psychiatrist would keep your sister on as a patient if she started talking about you in the sessions? Or would he refer her to someone else at that point?

[Anonymous]

So you say you havent seen her since covid, that was 2020. It's been 4 years. Idk if theres any sort of professional time frame, but is it possible she doesnt even remember you? Or that your relationship/issues/everything is wildly different than 4 years ago?

I dunno, if he is happy seeing her and you have no relationship with the therapist anymore I dont see an issue.