Is my therapist being unethical?

[Anonymous]

I'm a therapist. This is unethical. This is a pretty classic definition of a dual relationship. While it is sometimes impossible to avoid some kind of dual relationship, this is one that it's totally possible to avoid. In this situation, my ethical interpretation is that your husband would ALWAYS be off limits to me as a client, regardless of whether you and I have terminated our relationship or not. That you are the only one who sees this problem is a huge red flag about both of these people.

The biggest issue here is your husband. Have you asked him directly to stop seeing your therapist? I actually would not assume that the therapist knows about the dual relationship and is cool with it. I think it's more likely that your husband came to therapy with her proactively and did not mention the dual relationship. She may know exactly who his wife is, but because of the confidentiality that she still must keep for you, she cannot discuss that with him. The ethical thing for her to do is to terminate the relationship with your husband and refer out due to an ethical conflict of interest.

If he refuses to stop seeing her, you are welcome to get in touch with her, bring the dual relationship formally to her attention, and tell her that you do not consent to any sharing of your information with your husband in session. You can request to revoke any kind of release that you signed about him when you were seeing her actively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is not a hard rule against this, but it is problematic because it can create conflicts, complaints to the licensing board and/or lawsuits depending on circumstances.

Are you sure that your husband's therapist knew he was your husband when the therapist agreed to see him? S/he may not have made the connection if you have a common last name and you haven't been seeing them for several years now.

I would add that if you make a complaint to the therapist and threaten a further complaint to the licensing board, they are likely to take the initiative to end the therapeutic relationship with your spouse and recommend other therapists to treat him. Whether or not they would disclose the reason for ending the therapeutic relationship with him would obviously impact your relationship with him.

But in any case, even if they've made the connection that they treated this man's wife previously, they should not be disclosing ANYTHING from your therapy with him now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH does not want to start over with someone else and I guess feels like he connects with her (i think she tells him what she wants to hear and he likes that). I guess the bigger issue is that he does not see the issue, or care that it bothers me.

Surely he can find a different female therapist to connect with.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the replies. The therapist definitely knows he is my husband! When I was working with her, she offered to do a one-off session with him for a specific reason (career coaching for a specific upcoming event). I was totally fine with that because it was not personal at all. Then they extended the therapy to more session to just talk about work issues but recently it has come to light that they are talking about me and our relationship for most of the time.

I guess I thought it was my fault since I made the initial introduction but was it really my job to manage the ethics of the situation as the nature of what they discussed started to change? I feel like that should have been her job. The second he said my name she should have referred him out. Or never offered the first meeting. I am starting to think she is just following the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies. The therapist definitely knows he is my husband! When I was working with her, she offered to do a one-off session with him for a specific reason (career coaching for a specific upcoming event). I was totally fine with that because it was not personal at all. Then they extended the therapy to more session to just talk about work issues but recently it has come to light that they are talking about me and our relationship for most of the time.

I guess I thought it was my fault since I made the initial introduction but was it really my job to manage the ethics of the situation as the nature of what they discussed started to change? I feel like that should have been her job. The second he said my name she should have referred him out. Or never offered the first meeting. I am starting to think she is just following the money?

I don’t know her reasoning but you are correct that it isn’t your job to manage her ethical duties. I would email her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies. The therapist definitely knows he is my husband! When I was working with her, she offered to do a one-off session with him for a specific reason (career coaching for a specific upcoming event). I was totally fine with that because it was not personal at all. Then they extended the therapy to more session to just talk about work issues but recently it has come to light that they are talking about me and our relationship for most of the time.

I guess I thought it was my fault since I made the initial introduction but was it really my job to manage the ethics of the situation as the nature of what they discussed started to change? I feel like that should have been her job. The second he said my name she should have referred him out. Or never offered the first meeting. I am starting to think she is just following the money?

It was absolutely not your responsibility to manage the ethics of this situation. She made an ethical error in judgment, sounds like multiple times. It sounds like she thinks this situation is okay with you because of the way it started. Tell her otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for these helpful responses. Sounds like I should email her (although I’m afraid she will tell my husband and he will get pissed off that I did this). Sigh

[Anonymous]

i agree that this is wrong. I asked my therapist (psychologist) if she would see my husband and she refused outright, and said that its forbidden bc she will always feel some loyalty to me, so she can't be a fair therapist to him.

[Anonymous]

On a very few occasions have seen family members with each parties knowledge and consent. There are no secrets about the relationship and we do not discuss the other family member during therapy.
Therapist.

[Anonymous]

I think there exists a huge conflict of interest & that your husband should find another therapist stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies. The therapist definitely knows he is my husband! When I was working with her, she offered to do a one-off session with him for a specific reason (career coaching for a specific upcoming event). I was totally fine with that because it was not personal at all. Then they extended the therapy to more session to just talk about work issues but recently it has come to light that they are talking about me and our relationship for most of the time.

I guess I thought it was my fault since I made the initial introduction but was it really my job to manage the ethics of the situation as the nature of what they discussed started to change? I feel like that should have been her job. The second he said my name she should have referred him out. Or never offered the first meeting. I am starting to think she is just following the money?

Did you waive any conflict when it came time for the career coaching and if so, was the waiver specific to career coaching? In other words, can the therapist believe that you intended to waive the conflict of interest for him and that the recent sessions are included?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for these helpful responses. Sounds like I should email her (although I’m afraid she will tell my husband and he will get pissed off that I did this). Sigh

When you send the email, specifically ask her to keep the existence and contents of your message confidential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies. The therapist definitely knows he is my husband! When I was working with her, she offered to do a one-off session with him for a specific reason (career coaching for a specific upcoming event). I was totally fine with that because it was not personal at all. Then they extended the therapy to more session to just talk about work issues but recently it has come to light that they are talking about me and our relationship for most of the time.

I guess I thought it was my fault since I made the initial introduction but was it really my job to manage the ethics of the situation as the nature of what they discussed started to change? I feel like that should have been her job. The second he said my name she should have referred him out. Or never offered the first meeting. I am starting to think she is just following the money?

Did you waive any conflict when it came time for the career coaching and if so, was the waiver specific to career coaching? In other words, can the therapist believe that you intended to waive the conflict of interest for him and that the recent sessions are included?

I never signed or waived anything when they started working together.

[Anonymous]

Did she ever see both of you together in the same session?

-therapist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% unethical

+1