Is my therapist being unethical?

[Anonymous]

I started seeing a therapist several years ago for individual therapy. I saw her for about 2 years, then covid hit and the relationship fizzled out (I never signed anything formally terminating the agreement). My husband is now seeing the same therapist for individual therapy and has told me he talks to her about me and our marriage. This feels like a huge violation of confidentiality to me, as I was under a confidentiality agreement with her and I can't imagine how she can pretend to not know things I told her in confidence when she is meeting with my husband. Am I off-base or is this an ethics violation? Can any therapists weigh in?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure. Your husband states that he talks to her about your relationship - but its unclear if the therapist has responded with insights that they gained from sessions that were only with you. If you are uncomfortable, you could ask that your husband find a new therapist. Or you could schedule a session with this one to discuss your discomfort and ask how they handle it.

[Anonymous]

100% unethical

[Anonymous]

It is a conflict of interest. It may be unethical. Why did your dh choose her of all people? Have you asked him to stop seeing her?

[Anonymous]

Op here. DH does not want to start over with someone else and I guess feels like he connects with her (i think she tells him what she wants to hear and he likes that). I guess the bigger issue is that he does not see the issue, or care that it bothers me.

[Anonymous]

It’s not absolutely forbidden like a relationship with a former patient would be but the therapist absolutely must maintain confidentiality to the point of not even acknowledging you are a former patient at all.

[Anonymous]

The therapist should terminate with him immediately. This is way too close for comfort and is a dual relationship--once a client, always a client, with few exceptions. Unless you live in a rural area, there should be plenty of other competent therapists he can choose from. This is not couples therapy or family therapy. She's seeing him individually after being YOUR therapist for a time. She needs to know this is not okay. You didn't need to formally sign anything.

[Anonymous]

Of all the therpaists out there how did he end up seeing yours? He needs to switch immediately.

[Anonymous]

OP did you recommend the therapist to your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Totally unethical. Can’t believe the therapist did that. My husband sees our marriage counselor for individual therapy and she checked with us multiple times to be sure we were okay with that dual relationship.

I get that it bothers you that your husband doesn’t see the problem. He’s probably both clueless and feeling defensive. Don’t try to change his mind; he might change it on his own but you’ll just feel worse if you keep talking about it and he digs in.

[Anonymous]

14:32 here adding that I think it would be appropriate for you to tell your husband he needs to find someone new. I just don’t think you should try to change his opinion on the matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of all the therpaists out there how did he end up seeing yours? He needs to switch immediately.

They have serious boundary issues. Op has a big problem in her dh. Why would he see someone you saw for 2 years? I'd feel this way if it were 2 weeks. There is something wrong with your dh as well as the therapist. I would file a complaint with whomever supervise her or the licensing board.

[Anonymous]

The therapist should have refused to take on the DH as a client. Very inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH does not want to start over with someone else and I guess feels like he connects with her (i think she tells him what she wants to hear and he likes that). I guess the bigger issue is that he does not see the issue, or care that it bothers me.

What does the bold part mean?

Something is missing from the story here. Was the therapist actually a couples therapist for the two of you? That’s entirely different.

I’m not sure what else it would mean for your DH to be starting over with someone else, unless he had a prior connection to this therapist.

[Anonymous]

There is not a hard rule against this, but it is problematic because it can create conflicts, complaints to the licensing board and/or lawsuits depending on circumstances.

Are you sure that your husband's therapist knew he was your husband when the therapist agreed to see him? S/he may not have made the connection if you have a common last name and you haven't been seeing them for several years now.