All stress No fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

I think your dilemma is you have one kid where you can see the payoff from the time and cost, and one kid where honestly the club sports are just money down the drain. Do you think kid B understands that they aren't getting recruited? Obviously, kid B could just play HS basketball and AAU is off the table.

I understand your dilemma. I guess my only advice is that the #1 regret I hear from parents is how much they wish they had forced their "non-recruited" athlete to own up to reality earlier and work on developing other interests.

NP Why though? My kids won't get recruited but LOVE their sport. Why does everything have to be about be the best or stop?

Well, the PP wants to get off the hamster wheel. If you don't then why are you interjecting?

Also, I didn't say stop entirely, but perhaps stop with club and just play HS.

Do you have a kid that plays a varsity high school sport? I have 2 over 3 sports. Each sport has 2 hour practice every day after school UNLESS they have a game and then they’re gone even longer than 2 hours. If it’s a far away game, they might not get home until 10pm. Saturday mornings have 2 hour practices unless there is also a Saturday game which is common. There are also tournaments, over weekends and holidays (including Christmas break). This is just a regular, girls, varsity basketball schedule at a DMV high school. This is not Sidwell or some other powerhouse sport basketball school.


So how exactly are sports through the school less of a commitment?

My kid’s friend dropped varsity basketball and moved to a less time intensive sport.

You do have some options. Never think you don’t. I myself am pulling my kid from their outside activity that they are committed to due to the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

I think your dilemma is you have one kid where you can see the payoff from the time and cost, and one kid where honestly the club sports are just money down the drain. Do you think kid B understands that they aren't getting recruited? Obviously, kid B could just play HS basketball and AAU is off the table.

I understand your dilemma. I guess my only advice is that the #1 regret I hear from parents is how much they wish they had forced their "non-recruited" athlete to own up to reality earlier and work on developing other interests.

NP Why though? My kids won't get recruited but LOVE their sport. Why does everything have to be about be the best or stop?

Well, the PP wants to get off the hamster wheel. If you don't then why are you interjecting?

Also, I didn't say stop entirely, but perhaps stop with club and just play HS.

Do you have a kid that plays a varsity high school sport? I have 2 over 3 sports. Each sport has 2 hour practice every day after school UNLESS they have a game and then they’re gone even longer than 2 hours. If it’s a far away game, they might not get home until 10pm. Saturday mornings have 2 hour practices unless there is also a Saturday game which is common. There are also tournaments, over weekends and holidays (including Christmas break). This is just a regular, girls, varsity basketball schedule at a DMV high school. This is not Sidwell or some other powerhouse sport basketball school.


So how exactly are sports through the school less of a commitment?

Well, for one, the season only lasts from November until basically now, right? So, if they are just playing for the school, they had all of September and October and they have the remainder of the school year.

I do have a kid that plays a HS sport, actually recruited athlete, and plays travel Summer and Fall (very short season...ends 1st week of October), but has October - now for far less time intensive off-season conditioning and to participate in other activities.

BTW, my kid drives themselves to nearly all their games and even to some overnight tournaments in places like Richmond, or other times parents take turns chaperoning 3-4 kids to tournaments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

I think your dilemma is you have one kid where you can see the payoff from the time and cost, and one kid where honestly the club sports are just money down the drain. Do you think kid B understands that they aren't getting recruited? Obviously, kid B could just play HS basketball and AAU is off the table.

I understand your dilemma. I guess my only advice is that the #1 regret I hear from parents is how much they wish they had forced their "non-recruited" athlete to own up to reality earlier and work on developing other interests.

PP here. So you suggest I treat my children differently and only support the one who plays at an elite effort and tell my other kid we aren’t supporting her because she isn’t good?! I’m playing the long game here with my children so that they build good self esteem and want a loving, long term relationship with both of them. Playing favorites is not something I’m willing to do.

So then why are you on here complaining? Did you think the answers to your problems were some kind of magic?

Sorry, there are answers...but no good answers. It would appear that your non-elite kid maybe doesn't accept or appreciate they aren't elite.

I had some sympathy for you before, and now I have none.

[Anonymous]

I disagree OP -- I am loving the teen years with my kids. Sure, they are sometimes moody and communicate in grunts, but there are other times where they are a joy. I love seeing who they are becoming, I love their sense of humor, I love getting the scoop on what's going on with their friends. We can watch movies that we ALL actually enjoy. I thought having little kids was exhausting and other than them being cute and cuddly, not all it was cracked up to be. They really blossomed after age 10 or so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

What sport is the elite level kid in? Unless they are going to be on TV playing their sport, you are spending too much time on it if you are exhausted and broke.

[Anonymous]

People have the right to complain and vent. People have the right to differing opinions. Just because you don’t agree with someone doesn’t make you right and them wrong. And we’re not holding a martyr Olympics to judge that the person with what someone deems to be the most problem the winner of the only right to complain.

I miss the early days of DCUM back when someone could say “this is hard for me” and people supported or have helpful suggestions, otherwise they moved on. Instead, people are just nasty. Hurt people hurt people. Posting rude stuff all the time, in this and other threads. It’s hard enough out there with teens. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have the right to complain and vent. People have the right to differing opinions. Just because you don’t agree with someone doesn’t make you right and them wrong. And we’re not holding a martyr Olympics to judge that the person with what someone deems to be the most problem the winner of the only right to complain.

I miss the early days of DCUM back when someone could say “this is hard for me” and people supported or have helpful suggestions, otherwise they moved on. Instead, people are just nasty. Hurt people hurt people. Posting rude stuff all the time, in this and other threads. It’s hard enough out there with teens. Just stop.

You're right especially about having differing opinions. But, when ppl complain and vent about situations they created and them seemingly unwilling to change anything it's hard to have sympathy for them .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have the right to complain and vent. People have the right to differing opinions. Just because you don’t agree with someone doesn’t make you right and them wrong. And we’re not holding a martyr Olympics to judge that the person with what someone deems to be the most problem the winner of the only right to complain.

I miss the early days of DCUM back when someone could say “this is hard for me” and people supported or have helpful suggestions, otherwise they moved on. Instead, people are just nasty. Hurt people hurt people. Posting rude stuff all the time, in this and other threads. It’s hard enough out there with teens. Just stop.

Seems like DCUM is no longer the place for you. We wish you well at your next local website.