All stress No fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Save money to give them more college choices. Don't saddle them with in-state only, only the top few. Don't saddle them w/the expectation of a certain level of prestige.

What?

[Anonymous]

I am the opposite, was always exhausted and worried when they were little. Now I love being with my two teens even if my 14 old is moody as hell! My 16.5 is now a pleasure to have around, but was terrible at 14-15. I don’t stress about grades or activities, sometimes they do but I don’t mind them venting to me. Lisa D’amour book on teenagers is great for learning to love this stage. We also make an effort to have a manageable schedule so not too many activities.

[Anonymous]

It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You can control this in a way. I won't overschedule in the first place. And right off the bat some activities were off the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is really hard. Younger kid years were my happy place.

Same. They were so enthusiastic! The joy little kids have is irreplaceable. They were game for everything- and just wanted to be with us, their parents. We used to spend weekends exploring and going on outings, to museums, restaurants, climbing and running through nature. Honestly I think my kids miss those days too. Being a teen is miserable now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

I think your dilemma is you have one kid where you can see the payoff from the time and cost, and one kid where honestly the club sports are just money down the drain. Do you think kid B understands that they aren't getting recruited? Obviously, kid B could just play HS basketball and AAU is off the table.

I understand your dilemma. I guess my only advice is that the #1 regret I hear from parents is how much they wish they had forced their "non-recruited" athlete to own up to reality earlier and work on developing other interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

I think your dilemma is you have one kid where you can see the payoff from the time and cost, and one kid where honestly the club sports are just money down the drain. Do you think kid B understands that they aren't getting recruited? Obviously, kid B could just play HS basketball and AAU is off the table.

I understand your dilemma. I guess my only advice is that the #1 regret I hear from parents is how much they wish they had forced their "non-recruited" athlete to own up to reality earlier and work on developing other interests.

NP Why though? My kids won't get recruited but LOVE their sport. Why does everything have to be about be the best or stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

I think your dilemma is you have one kid where you can see the payoff from the time and cost, and one kid where honestly the club sports are just money down the drain. Do you think kid B understands that they aren't getting recruited? Obviously, kid B could just play HS basketball and AAU is off the table.

I understand your dilemma. I guess my only advice is that the #1 regret I hear from parents is how much they wish they had forced their "non-recruited" athlete to own up to reality earlier and work on developing other interests.

NP Why though? My kids won't get recruited but LOVE their sport. Why does everything have to be about be the best or stop?

Well, the PP wants to get off the hamster wheel. If you don't then why are you interjecting?

Also, I didn't say stop entirely, but perhaps stop with club and just play HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only way to reverse things: stop worrying and stressing about all these things. Let them do activities they enjoy and don’t pressure them. Let them have some fun and you go & do the same!

I did not put them in any activities. This is just school and sports at school. They unload everything on me, all the time.

You do not have to take on their emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having teens is horrible for me. There is always one in a bad mood, nothing is fun anymore. There is too much to worry about with grades, activities, college coming up. Am I the only one? I hate it.

+1

[Anonymous]

My 12 yr old got her period and even though young I feel like she's 16 OMG! So nuts. I'm hoping by the time she's 16 and an actual teen I'll be over this phase!

And to PPs - I agree with the mom who said you really can't control the activities. Once they start at a young age and engage in an activity it's all in. You totally cannot pull them out once committed. Unless you never put your kid in an activity that was only rec, you're pretty much going to be overextended. That's how it works now. My bet is that the parents who don't feel overcommitted have kids either playing a rec sport or not doing anything or possibly only 1 music lesson at most. Even if they did anything in school, there's a commitment of play in HS. Travel teams are a commitment but I'd say to the mom that finds it hard, you're not alone but it's better your kid is doing something v nothing. I am 10000% sure of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

I think your dilemma is you have one kid where you can see the payoff from the time and cost, and one kid where honestly the club sports are just money down the drain. Do you think kid B understands that they aren't getting recruited? Obviously, kid B could just play HS basketball and AAU is off the table.

I understand your dilemma. I guess my only advice is that the #1 regret I hear from parents is how much they wish they had forced their "non-recruited" athlete to own up to reality earlier and work on developing other interests.

PP here. So you suggest I treat my children differently and only support the one who plays at an elite effort and tell my other kid we aren’t supporting her because she isn’t good?! I’m playing the long game here with my children so that they build good self esteem and want a loving, long term relationship with both of them. Playing favorites is not something I’m willing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really irks me when people brag about not having too many activities or not over scheduling as if you can just magically control how an activity evolves.

My kids are each in ONE activity (a sport) but as they get in high school, the number of commitments for that one activity have just exploded. Practices every single day after school. Games several days a week (including weekends). Tournaments (usually out of town requiring hotels, super expensive and sometimes kids even have to miss some school). It never ends.

Mine don’t do an instrument or robotics or volunteer or have a job (I wish). They can’t. These club and school sports want more more more more time and money. My kids love their sports, their teams and playing. One is at an elite level and the other is just ok at their respective sports. But the amount of time is almost the same.

There is no fun for parents. I am so exhausted. And broke.

You absolutely can control this.

Exactly how since you have the answer? I’m sincere here. I’m supposed to tell my kid they can’t be on the varsity basketball team when it’s the only activity they have?

I have carpools and an active partner who also does driving. So just how do I control this? I didn’t allow my kids to do ice skating or ice hockey when they were young bc of the hours but all sports in high school are crazy IMO. Maybe I have a low threshold. But like I said people make these “yes you can” statements and that’s it, yeah, wish it was so easy.

I think your dilemma is you have one kid where you can see the payoff from the time and cost, and one kid where honestly the club sports are just money down the drain. Do you think kid B understands that they aren't getting recruited? Obviously, kid B could just play HS basketball and AAU is off the table.

I understand your dilemma. I guess my only advice is that the #1 regret I hear from parents is how much they wish they had forced their "non-recruited" athlete to own up to reality earlier and work on developing other interests.

NP Why though? My kids won't get recruited but LOVE their sport. Why does everything have to be about be the best or stop?

Well, the PP wants to get off the hamster wheel. If you don't then why are you interjecting?

Also, I didn't say stop entirely, but perhaps stop with club and just play HS.

Do you have a kid that plays a varsity high school sport? I have 2 over 3 sports. Each sport has 2 hour practice every day after school UNLESS they have a game and then they’re gone even longer than 2 hours. If it’s a far away game, they might not get home until 10pm. Saturday mornings have 2 hour practices unless there is also a Saturday game which is common. There are also tournaments, over weekends and holidays (including Christmas break). This is just a regular, girls, varsity basketball schedule at a DMV high school. This is not Sidwell or some other powerhouse sport basketball school.


So how exactly are sports through the school less of a commitment?