Narcissistic women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anything around their envy or jealousy or desire to hurt someone....they are likely more unconscious about. (Though not always). They have stirrings about those affects but they don't really own them or understand them deeply and may tgerefore project it outward, that you are the one with the problem. They have fragile egos and resort to immature defenses (denial, projection) when confronted.

Don't forget silent treatment and triangulation!

💯

The "storytelling" that was referenced earlier can be part of this, trying to gain sympathy from other people by portraying your victimhood and"hardship. " More aggressive types will full on slander you and your reputation. They can be quite destructive. It's not just harmless gossip in those cases.

[Anonymous]

Classic "mean girl behavior" (in adults) may dovetail with classic narc behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play. Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately. They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning. They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this. They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens. They don't love deeply or unselfishly. They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious. They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

This is my mom and my sister ( although my sister is slightly different)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anything around their envy or jealousy or desire to hurt someone....they are likely more unconscious about. (Though not always). They have stirrings about those affects but they don't really own them or understand them deeply and may tgerefore project it outward, that you are the one with the problem. They have fragile egos and resort to immature defenses (denial, projection) when confronted.

Don't forget silent treatment and triangulation!

OMG Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play. Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately. They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning. They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this. They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens. They don't love deeply or unselfishly. They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious. They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

This is my mom and my sister ( although my sister is slightly different)

Sorry to hear that, hope you can find your own happiness. Yes to good boundaries with those two.

[Anonymous]

If someone appears to not like them or is “mean” to them, it’s because that person is envious of them.

[Anonymous]

This thread resonates with me as my mom displays many of the characteristics mentioned. She also often rewrites history and plays the role of a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone appears to not like them or is “mean” to them, it’s because that person is envious of them.

Yes, or if the narc is a psychotherapist they can label everyone else with some personality disorder. Or say “they’re sick.”

[Anonymous]

The difference between the two genders, is that a narcissistic man usually has the financial and social power to obliterate you, in court, in the classroom, in the boardroom.

Women may be histrionic (telling stories and exaggerating). Borderline. Bipolar.

Not an excuse, but women often lack any real power to obliterate another human being.

Think of the story "Flowers in the Attic." Who was the narcissistic abuser? The grandmother or the mother? The mother seemed very narcissistic to me, the way she abandoned her children following her DH's death. The backstory showed how the grandmother was abused and she became the abuser. The mental health issues were rampant in the family, mostly on the father's side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play. Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately. They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning. They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this. They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens. They don't love deeply or unselfishly. They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious. They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

This is my mom and my sister (although my sister is slightly different)

+1. This is my SIL and MIL, and to a degree my sister (all with different combinations of the aforementioned). Rewriting the narrative in their favor, and pretending they did not know how egregious their offense is, is big with them (oh did I do that? And mostly flat out denial - they would rather ask forgiveness than permission, and it always has to be their way). They are the star in their own show. Being aware of this behavior gave me valuable tools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone appears to not like them or is “mean” to them, it’s because that person is envious of them.

Someoen can be a mean person, in general - without necessarily being mean to them, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anything around their envy or jealousy or desire to hurt someone....they are likely more unconscious about. (Though not always). They have stirrings about those affects but they don't really own them or understand them deeply and may tgerefore project it outward, that you are the one with the problem. They have fragile egos and resort to immature defenses (denial, projection) when confronted.

Don't forget silent treatment and triangulation!

💯

The "storytelling" that was referenced earlier can be part of this, trying to gain sympathy from other people by portraying your victimhood and"hardship. " More aggressive types will full on slander you and your reputation. They can be quite destructive. It's not just harmless gossip in those cases.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if they're like my mom (I'm a woman), everything has to revolve around her, and she tries to turn any event - someone else's wedding, or funeral - into her show. Doesn't know how to listen to someone else's troubles without trying to "win" it with her own story, interrupts, doesn't listen, only talks about herself. As a child, I was supposed to be her accessory and give her bragging rights, but couldn't ever complain about her. If I did complain, it turned into a vicious vitriolic attack against my whole life. For example, I was told I was a bad baby. My mother is the "church lady" and has been a Sunday School teacher for decades.

Narcissists can be men or women.

That sounds self centered or too talkative or anxious.

Narcs are way more calculating and manipulative, and in a sweet way, then you don’t know what hit you. Then they gaslight you and walk off. The hidden agendas. Over and over

Question: do they know that they're calculating and manipulative or are these behaviors a kind of defense mechanism due to their inner deficits? I can see both possibilities. I am never sure how much they know what they're doing and how much is unconscious behavior. Or are there different types/spectrums of behavior?

Yes they know. They’ll sweet talk you down to get their way.

I have an aspergers spouse who has zero empathy and gaslights but can’t remember stuff. But most of the time you see it’s stemming from cluelessness not malice like from a narcissist.

You just described my husband to a T, I've been struggling to figure out if all this is intentional or not. I will feel bad if its not intentional and he really is this clueless. Any insight or advice for me? I'd love some help here...thanks

[Anonymous]

My fiancés ex-wife only sees the kids on the first day of school to take pictures she will post on social media to show everyone what a great mom she is, and whenever her family is visiting from out of town to make it seem like she sees them regularly. Aside from that she has no use for them. That’s a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference between the two genders, is that a narcissistic man usually has the financial and social power to obliterate you, in court, in the classroom, in the boardroom.

Women may be histrionic (telling stories and exaggerating). Borderline. Bipolar.

Not an excuse, but women often lack any real power to obliterate another human being.

Think of the story "Flowers in the Attic." Who was the narcissistic abuser? The grandmother or the mother? The mother seemed very narcissistic to me, the way she abandoned her children following her DH's death. The backstory showed how the grandmother was abused and she became the abuser. The mental health issues were rampant in the family, mostly on the father's side.

Agree. Women cheat/affair too