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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well if they're like my mom (I'm a woman), everything has to revolve around her, and she tries to turn any event - someone else's wedding, or funeral - into her show. Doesn't know how to listen to someone else's troubles without trying to "win" it with her own story, interrupts, doesn't listen, only talks about herself. As a child, I was supposed to be her accessory and give her bragging rights, but couldn't ever complain about her. If I did complain, it turned into a vicious vitriolic attack against my whole life. For example, I was told I was a bad baby. My mother is the "church lady" and has been a Sunday School teacher for decades.

Narcissists can be men or women.[/quote]

That sounds self centered or too talkative or anxious.

Narcs are way more calculating and manipulative, and in a sweet way, then you don’t know what hit you. Then they gaslight you and walk off. The hidden agendas. Over and over [/quote]
Question: do they know that they're calculating and manipulative or are these behaviors a kind of defense mechanism due to their inner deficits? I can see both possibilities. I am never sure how much they know what they're doing and how much is unconscious behavior. Or are there different types/spectrums of behavior?[/quote]

Yes they know. They’ll sweet talk you down to get their way.

I have an aspergers spouse who has zero empathy and gaslights but can’t remember stuff. But most of the time you see it’s stemming from cluelessness not malice like from a narcissist.[/quote]

You just described my husband to a T, I've been struggling to figure out if all this is intentional or not. I will feel bad if its not intentional and he really is this clueless. Any insight or advice for me? I'd love some help here...thanks[/quote]

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