Narcissistic women?

[Anonymous]

I read a lot about horrible narcissist husbands and boyfriends. What are narcissist wives and girlfriends like?

[Anonymous]

Well if they're like my mom (I'm a woman), everything has to revolve around her, and she tries to turn any event - someone else's wedding, or funeral - into her show. Doesn't know how to listen to someone else's troubles without trying to "win" it with her own story, interrupts, doesn't listen, only talks about herself. As a child, I was supposed to be her accessory and give her bragging rights, but couldn't ever complain about her. If I did complain, it turned into a vicious vitriolic attack against my whole life. For example, I was told I was a bad baby. My mother is the "church lady" and has been a Sunday School teacher for decades.

Narcissists can be men or women.

[Anonymous]

Usually on their third husband

[Anonymous]

The exact same. Can't see beyond their own needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well if they're like my mom (I'm a woman), everything has to revolve around her, and she tries to turn any event - someone else's wedding, or funeral - into her show. Doesn't know how to listen to someone else's troubles without trying to "win" it with her own story, interrupts, doesn't listen, only talks about herself. As a child, I was supposed to be her accessory and give her bragging rights, but couldn't ever complain about her. If I did complain, it turned into a vicious vitriolic attack against my whole life. For example, I was told I was a bad baby. My mother is the "church lady" and has been a Sunday School teacher for decades.

Narcissists can be men or women.

Ugh, sounds like my mother -- especially the whole having to "win it with her own story" stuff. No one could talk to her about any kind of hardship or even physical pain without her launching into how she had it harder. And everything, literally everything, was about her -- when my brother was going to vote for a candidate she wasn't voting for and it came up at dinner she flew into a rage and ran crying out of the restaurant (this kind of thing happened a lot and was designed to get people to stop her and sympathize with her). She accused him of making it up to upset her; in other words, he wasn't really interested in voting for this candidate, he just wanted to vote for the candidate to upset her. She literally accused him of deciding on his choice of presidential candidate solely to upset her. Because every decision everyone makes was surely all about her. Insane.

Oh, and I was a "bad baby" too.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play. Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately. They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning. They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this. They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens. They don't love deeply or unselfishly. They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious. They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

[Anonymous]

They're bores. Once you get to know them you see the lack of flexibility, empathy, and real connection. A lot of bullsh*tting too. Facade may look good for a time but just like the story, the emperor will have no clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually on their third husband

Or on Ashley Madison banging half the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play. Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately. They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning. They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this. They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens. They don't love deeply or unselfishly. They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious. They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

This is it. Super insightful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well if they're like my mom (I'm a woman), everything has to revolve around her, and she tries to turn any event - someone else's wedding, or funeral - into her show. Doesn't know how to listen to someone else's troubles without trying to "win" it with her own story, interrupts, doesn't listen, only talks about herself. As a child, I was supposed to be her accessory and give her bragging rights, but couldn't ever complain about her. If I did complain, it turned into a vicious vitriolic attack against my whole life. For example, I was told I was a bad baby. My mother is the "church lady" and has been a Sunday School teacher for decades.

Narcissists can be men or women.

That sounds self centered or too talkative or anxious.

Narcs are way more calculating and manipulative, and in a sweet way, then you don’t know what hit you. Then they gaslight you and walk off. The hidden agendas. Over and over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play.

Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately.

They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning.

They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this.

They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens.

They don't love deeply or unselfishly.

They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious.

They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

Spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're bores. Once you get to know them you see the lack of flexibility, empathy, and real connection. A lot of bullsh*tting too. Facade may look good for a time but just like the story, the emperor will have no clothes.

Agree.

So unauthentic as people. Total empty suits. Maybe have a hyper interest or two, about themselves or their food or their work. Never put someone before themselves , unless it’s their narc mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well if they're like my mom (I'm a woman), everything has to revolve around her, and she tries to turn any event - someone else's wedding, or funeral - into her show. Doesn't know how to listen to someone else's troubles without trying to "win" it with her own story, interrupts, doesn't listen, only talks about herself. As a child, I was supposed to be her accessory and give her bragging rights, but couldn't ever complain about her. If I did complain, it turned into a vicious vitriolic attack against my whole life. For example, I was told I was a bad baby. My mother is the "church lady" and has been a Sunday School teacher for decades.

Narcissists can be men or women.

My mom loves telling stories about how what difficult kids we were, where she's some kind of long-suffering hero and we were terrible. The truth is, she was frequently neglectful and occasionally physically abusive. And we were pretty well-behaved kids. In general, she loves telling stories over and over where the theme is someone else being terrible and her being good. She has no idea what I do for a living and hasn't in years because she does not care.

[Anonymous]

I could easily see a narcissistic mother raising a narcissistic son who can do no wrong.

[Anonymous]

They LOVE social media and selfies. They pretend to be very charitable but are usually very superficially so—it’s all just to appear like a good person. They are blameless. They have little true empathy but feign it quite well. Passive aggressive as h@ll.