I am so over the disrespect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would lean more towards the ignore than the swift punishment. If she says something snarky pretend you don't hear. If she sticks out her tounge, say "thats rude and disrespectful" and then walk away. If youre in the middle of an activity, stop.

If shes being willfully disobedient, like you ask her to clear her dishes and she says "no!" and sticks out her tongue, then you remind her what the consequence is and calmly ask her again.

This sounds like attention seeking, which is why i made these suggestions. Are your younger kids going through any changea right now? Did one of them just start school or potty training or anything like that? If so she may sense your attention is on them more than her and this is her "please pay attention to me again" reaction.

My neighbors 8 year old kid once stuck her tongue out at neighbor while we were out. Another kid walking by said "what are you 2 years old?". Never happened again.

[Anonymous]

Could there be an underlying cause to the rudeness - anger or anxiety, that a 7yo is unable to yet express or even fully understand herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Many questions I’ll try to answer.

She’s my oldest
DH and I are not perfect but 99% of the time very respectful to each other and always to others. We definitely lose our cool with her when she’s disrespecting us.
We take away TV, dessert, iPad and Uno (that’s our special time, maybe I shouldn’t take that away).
They rarely watch tv on weeknights. YouTube and TikTok are not allowed at all. She really just plays Minecraft on the weekends. We do dance parties, hide and seek or color after school.
Her teacher talks like she’s teachers pet and is never disrespectful. She says she's her best listener (wtf?)
I took a parenting class for this reason in fall.

Maybe I need to manage my expectations.

It’s not possible to “punish someone into being kind.” Loving connection and talking about how those behaviors make you feel are key. Also, are you treating HER with respect or do you consider her a lesser person? Please stop taking things away and instead remain calm and model for her a kinder tone. You’ve got this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A quick spanking will be worth a thousand time outs or confiscations or lectures, OP. I know DCUM doesn't condone corporal punishment, but it has the merit of being swift and effective.

If you don't want to do that, then you need to mete out much more immediate and awe-inspiring punishment than what you've been doing.

Please please do not do this. Consider how your child will feel towards you now, and as an adult, if you resort to physically hurting them. It will not turn out well. Though if might appear effective in the immediate term since you child will be terrified, you cannot punish a child into being kind. It will only make them angry at both you and put them on the defensive with the rest of the world. This is terribly harmful advice.