Sleepovers where older sibling having tough time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids aren't going to a house where I am worried about their safety. Their friend can come sleep over at our house though.

+1. I'm sure the parent wants to try to keep things "normal", but my kid's safety comes before the parents' hopes and dreams.

The problem is that the parent who is desperate to keep things “normal” is definitely never going to tell you about the older brother’s anger and substance abuse issues.

You can say you’d “never” allow your kid to go to this house, but seriously, how would you know???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids aren't going to a house where I am worried about their safety. Their friend can come sleep over at our house though.

+1. I'm sure the parent wants to try to keep things "normal", but my kid's safety comes before the parents' hopes and dreams.

The problem is that the parent who is desperate to keep things “normal” is definitely never going to tell you about the older brother’s anger and substance abuse issues.

You can say you’d “never” allow your kid to go to this house, but seriously, how would you know???

You would not. We don't do sleepovers. You really never know who has issues and who doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things can be normal for the younger kids without having a sleepover at their house. Plenty of families do not host sleepovers. I wouldn’t let my child stay at your house if an older teen with anger and substance issues was present, and it would be no bearing on how much I liked you or how awesome your younger kid was. I just wouldn’t allow it.

OP please do not host sleep overs, or else let the older sibling go somewhere else. If you told the parents 80% would nope out of the sleep over invite. Stuff like this is why I am totally against all sleep overs. People are ok with things I am not ok with. I have no way of knowing what goes on in their house behind closed doors.

I am totally confused why OP shouldn't host the sleepover, when she knows the other family is struggling.

Our family had a different struggle, with a physically rather than mentally ill sibling. When I said to parents "we're really trying to keep things normal" what I meant is "please include my children". I didn't need the sleepover or playdate to be at my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a PSA to my people (1st gen South Asian immigrants), who are quite clueless about American society. No, no, no - the typical American family (all races) are not like your neighborhood aunties and uncles in Indian cities. You need to do your due diligence before sending your kid for a sleepover. My red flags were -
1) Any sex offender lives in the sleepover house address or nearby.
2) Any court cases on that parent listed online
3) The father is a step-parent or there are step-children in the family
4) Mother is living with her boyfriend
5) There is a gun in the house (Yes, you have to ask that question)
6) There is a pitbull or other aggressive dog in the family
7) Elder brother or cousins living in the house and are not respectful.
8) Parents are permissive, allow booze, vaping etc.
9) There is a danger that your kid will be videotaped or will be encouraged to sext during the sleepover.

Actually, it is better not to do sleepover. Do a half-sleepover and pick up your kid at midnight. Other alternative is that you host all the sleepovers.

1-9 are just common sense. You don’t need to be first gen Indian to have these ideas about safety.

[Anonymous]

If they are open enough to tell your the issues of their older kid, I’d have a conversation. We were that family and didn’t have any sleepovers of have our younger kid have any friends over at all when things were not stable. We made huge efforts to do things with friends outside the home and host that way to try to keep life normal. The closet people to us knew what was going on. Younger kid was able to have friends over when things were rough at times when older kid was away for a weekend or an evening. Right now you could offer to host the sleepover if that would be better for all.

Months later when things got stable with our older kid, more social things resumed. We also have a big house where they don’t need to interact when they have friends over, that’s a factor too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a PSA to my people (1st gen South Asian immigrants), who are quite clueless about American society. No, no, no - the typical American family (all races) are not like your neighborhood aunties and uncles in Indian cities. You need to do your due diligence before sending your kid for a sleepover. My red flags were -
1) Any sex offender lives in the sleepover house address or nearby.
2) Any court cases on that parent listed online
3) The father is a step-parent or there are step-children in the family
4) Mother is living with her boyfriend
5) There is a gun in the house (Yes, you have to ask that question)
6) There is a pitbull or other aggressive dog in the family
7) Elder brother or cousins living in the house and are not respectful.
8) Parents are permissive, allow booze, vaping etc.
9) There is a danger that your kid will be videotaped or will be encouraged to sext during the sleepover.

Actually, it is better not to do sleepover. Do a half-sleepover and pick up your kid at midnight. Other alternative is that you host all the sleepovers.

1-9 are just common sense. You don’t need to be first gen Indian to have these ideas about safety.

You have issues with all families that are divorced and remarried? I don’t understand the step father or step children concern.