Sleepovers where older sibling having tough time

[Anonymous]

Anyone have an older sibling of DC’s friend struggling with substance and anger issues? If so, how did you handle get togethers with the younger siblings who are in MS? Parent of older sibling wants to keep things as normal as possible for their younger kids and planning a sleepover.

[Anonymous]

My kids aren't going to a house where I am worried about their safety. Their friend can come sleep over at our house though.

[Anonymous]

Things can be normal for the younger kids without having a sleepover at their house. Plenty of families do not host sleepovers. I wouldn’t let my child stay at your house if an older teen with anger and substance issues was present, and it would be no bearing on how much I liked you or how awesome your younger kid was. I just wouldn’t allow it.

[Anonymous]

What?

No do not do sleep overs if this is the case.

UGH parenting fail. Whether you are the family with the difficult older sibling or the one sending your kid to their house.

[Anonymous]

No. Parent of the other kid does not get what they want. When there are serious problems, no sleepovers at that house.

[Anonymous]

Why do you feel the need to host this sleepover?

I have 3 kids. Only the oldest kid has had a sleepover and it was once.

My middle kid and younger kid have asked and I have said no. They can have a regular party and kids can go home.

[Anonymous]

Give the younger kids a safe out and invite them to your house if you're comfortable. Let them have some calm and normalcy. I would not knowingly send my child into a house dealing with anger and substance abuse issues.

[Anonymous]

There's no magic formula OP. The younger sibling gets downsized events (dinner instead of sleepover, etc.) and fewer of them. Any time you can host something for the younger sibling and their friends outside the house, do it. Plan events for when you can be sure the older sibling will be out of the house.

[Anonymous]

I would take that as a clue to say “Larlo would love a sleepover too! Let’s host it at our house!”

[Anonymous]

Do the family a kindness and ask their kid to sleep over at your house. I’m liberal about sleepovers compared to most DCUM folks, but I probably wouldn’t let my kid go there.

[Anonymous]

This is a PSA to my people (1st gen South Asian immigrants), who are quite clueless about American society. No, no, no - the typical American family (all races) are not like your neighborhood aunties and uncles in Indian cities. You need to do your due diligence before sending your kid for a sleepover. My red flags were -
1) Any sex offender lives in the sleepover house address or nearby.
2) Any court cases on that parent listed online
3) The father is a step-parent or there are step-children in the family
4) Mother is living with her boyfriend
5) There is a gun in the house (Yes, you have to ask that question)
6) There is a pitbull or other aggressive dog in the family
7) Elder brother or cousins living in the house and are not respectful.
8) Parents are permissive, allow booze, vaping etc.
9) There is a danger that your kid will be videotaped or will be encouraged to sext during the sleepover.

Actually, it is better not to do sleepover. Do a half-sleepover and pick up your kid at midnight. Other alternative is that you host all the sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids aren't going to a house where I am worried about their safety. Their friend can come sleep over at our house though.

+1. I'm sure the parent wants to try to keep things "normal", but my kid's safety comes before the parents' hopes and dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a PSA to my people (1st gen South Asian immigrants), who are quite clueless about American society. No, no, no - the typical American family (all races) are not like your neighborhood aunties and uncles in Indian cities. You need to do your due diligence before sending your kid for a sleepover. My red flags were -
1) Any sex offender lives in the sleepover house address or nearby.
2) Any court cases on that parent listed online
3) The father is a step-parent or there are step-children in the family
4) Mother is living with her boyfriend
5) There is a gun in the house (Yes, you have to ask that question)
6) There is a pitbull or other aggressive dog in the family
7) Elder brother or cousins living in the house and are not respectful.
8) Parents are permissive, allow booze, vaping etc.
9) There is a danger that your kid will be videotaped or will be encouraged to sext during the sleepover.

Actually, it is better not to do sleepover. Do a half-sleepover and pick up your kid at midnight. Other alternative is that you host all the sleepovers.

A PSA to your people.
I know of a handful of Indian American women who were abused by neighborhood uncles.
Your list is necessary their too.
-2nd gen

[Anonymous]

*there

[Anonymous]

I would not bring kids to a house where older sibling has anger and substance problems.

I hosted a sleepover over my middle school kid and I took the younger siblings to visit my parents out of state. In our case, it would be younger siblings bothering and intruding on older brother’s sleepover.

I have heard of kids having a hotel sleepover.

You don’t have to have a sleepover at all.