My teens stopped wanting to hang out with us

[Anonymous]

The grass is always greener. I have a child like your friend’s, 16 years old. I wish all the time that she had friends, fun high school activities, dates or crushes in her life. Getting through the school day & watching movies with your parents every weekend doesn’t seem like an ideal high school experience…I am envious of your situation. Sure, I would miss hanging out with her, but I would happily give that up in exchange for a life she would enjoy & engage in fully.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are acting developmentally appropriately. That said, you need to institute a weekly family activity. Could just be dinner. Sunday night usually works best. Could be going out to pizza. 1-2 hours, priority for everyone to attend. Excused for emergencies only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations. You are functioning as a parent and not their friend. Your kids are the well-adjusted ones who are naturally separating from their parents. Enjoy the win and focus on figuring out how you want to spend your free time. Because face it - you (hopefully) have decades in front of you after your job as a primary caretaker is over.

+1. Your teens are doing what they are supposed to be doing. I wouldn't feel jealous of someone whose teen hangs out with them all the time.

OP here. 14DS just came home with DH and I told him how he doesn’t hang out with me and mentioned my friend and her daughter. Both DH and DS said it would be weird if DS wanted to hang out with his mom all the time.

DH seems to think we spend plenty of quality time together.

This is…not great. You are guilt tripping your kid, telling him you wish he had crippling anxiety so he could be available to entertain you more?

I’m sorry OP, but now is the time to start separating. I’d start investing in your hobbies, career, marriage, or health. Yes, your role as a parent & family unit is decreasing. Try to find a way to make the best of it, and also make the time you do spend together as a family fun. Plan vacations over the next couple of years, make a couple fun nights out/in, etc. But my advice is not to guilt trip the kids about living their lives - that’s a fast track to a college, & then a life, a cross-country flight away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all hang out in the family room after shower time, tv is on a sport and everyone is likely scrolling through their phone but chit chat is happening...then they huff and puff when i say its time to get upstairs to bed....they brush teeth and chat amongst themselves till i come up and take phones and say good night.

10th grade 9th grade 6th grade

You aren’t there yet. It changes when they can drive.

You take their phones at night? WTAF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen sounds like your friend’s kid. A little social anxiety and big homebody tendencies, so we spend a ton of time together. It’s great and I know it’s fleeting, but I am so, so happy when she very occasionally gets together with other kids and I wish she did it way more often.

OP here. My friend seemed concerned but I couldn’t help but be envious. Her daughter only wants to be home and hangs out with my friend ALL the time. My kids have not been that way since they were in preschool. My kids always liked and preferred friends over us, the parents.

That sounds like a difficult spot for your friend, hopefully you are not humble bragging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations. You are functioning as a parent and not their friend. Your kids are the well-adjusted ones who are naturally separating from their parents. Enjoy the win and focus on figuring out how you want to spend your free time. Because face it - you (hopefully) have decades in front of you after your job as a primary caretaker is over.

+1. Your teens are doing what they are supposed to be doing. I wouldn't feel jealous of someone whose teen hangs out with them all the time.

OP here. 14DS just came home with DH and I told him how he doesn’t hang out with me and mentioned my friend and her daughter. Both DH and DS said it would be weird if DS wanted to hang out with his mom all the time.

DH seems to think we spend plenty of quality time together.

Why would you tell your DS that your friend’s daughter has anxiety? You probably need to be a better friend (keep confidences) AND work on not guilt-tripping your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all hang out in the family room after shower time, tv is on a sport and everyone is likely scrolling through their phone but chit chat is happening...then they huff and puff when i say its time to get upstairs to bed....they brush teeth and chat amongst themselves till i come up and take phones and say good night.

10th grade 9th grade 6th grade

You aren’t there yet. It changes when they can drive.

You take their phones at night? WTAF?

DP here but lots of parents do this. It’s even recommended as a good practice for managing screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen sounds like your friend’s kid. A little social anxiety and big homebody tendencies, so we spend a ton of time together. It’s great and I know it’s fleeting, but I am so, so happy when she very occasionally gets together with other kids and I wish she did it way more often.

OP here. My friend seemed concerned but I couldn’t help but be envious. Her daughter only wants to be home and hangs out with my friend ALL the time. My kids have not been that way since they were in preschool. My kids always liked and preferred friends over us, the parents.

That sounds like a difficult spot for your friend, hopefully you are not humble bragging?

In what world is this humble bragging? My teen sons don’t want to hang out with me and it hurts my feelings.

I have plenty of friends. I realized that I don’t have much time with them at home so I try to prioritize spending time with them but they don’t want to hang out with me. ☹️

[Anonymous]

Adults need to form some adult friendships. A child isn't a pet.

[Anonymous]

Serve alcohol and weed and dress up. You'll get plenty of company from your teen and his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations. You are functioning as a parent and not their friend. Your kids are the well-adjusted ones who are naturally separating from their parents. Enjoy the win and focus on figuring out how you want to spend your free time. Because face it - you (hopefully) have decades in front of you after your job as a primary caretaker is over.

My maiden daughter will become my caretaker.

[Anonymous]

I think boys in particular want to go off and pave their own way. This is normal. I would be more worried if my son didn’t have that instinct and was just loitering around the house watching TV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen sounds like your friend’s kid. A little social anxiety and big homebody tendencies, so we spend a ton of time together. It’s great and I know it’s fleeting, but I am so, so happy when she very occasionally gets together with other kids and I wish she did it way more often.

OP here. My friend seemed concerned but I couldn’t help but be envious. Her daughter only wants to be home and hangs out with my friend ALL the time. My kids have not been that way since they were in preschool. My kids always liked and preferred friends over us, the parents.

That sounds like a difficult spot for your friend, hopefully you are not humble bragging?

In what world is this humble bragging? My teen sons don’t want to hang out with me and it hurts my feelings.

I have plenty of friends. I realized that I don’t have much time with them at home so I try to prioritize spending time with them but they don’t want to hang out with me. ☹️

Honey don’t take it personally. Teenage boys don’t want to hang out with their moms. Spend more time with your friends, your husband, wellness, and hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend with a teen daughter who has some social anxiety. She is still very attached To her mom. I couldn’t help but be a bit envious as my two teens don’t seem like they want anything to do with us. The only family time we seem to get these days is in the car when we are driving them to sports.

How much do you hang out with your teens?

My teens are all about their friends. We still try to eat meals as much as possible but it is becoming less with 3 kids and their sports and activities.

I guarantee you your friend’s teen DD wishes she didn’t have social anxiety to the point where she is a homebody.

As envious of you are of her being at home, I GUARANTEE you that she wishes she was more like your kids.

-Former teen, with major anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adults need to form some adult friendships. A child isn't a pet.

They aren’t supposed to be your friend until they’re well into their 20s.

But minors are, IMO, comparable to pets. Except more high maintenance. It’s why a good bit of advice to a couple thinking about having children is to get a puppy first; and to see how that goes.