My teens stopped wanting to hang out with us

[Anonymous]

I have a friend with a teen daughter who has some social anxiety. She is still very attached To her mom. I couldn’t help but be a bit envious as my two teens don’t seem like they want anything to do with us. The only family time we seem to get these days is in the car when we are driving them to sports.

How much do you hang out with your teens?

My teens are all about their friends. We still try to eat meals as much as possible but it is becoming less with 3 kids and their sports and activities.

[Anonymous]

Just wait til the oldest goes to college. Another big shift in family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

My teen sounds like your friend’s kid. A little social anxiety and big homebody tendencies, so we spend a ton of time together. It’s great and I know it’s fleeting, but I am so, so happy when she very occasionally gets together with other kids and I wish she did it way more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait til the oldest goes to college. Another big shift in family dynamics.

What kind of shift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen sounds like your friend’s kid. A little social anxiety and big homebody tendencies, so we spend a ton of time together. It’s great and I know it’s fleeting, but I am so, so happy when she very occasionally gets together with other kids and I wish she did it way more often.

OP here. My friend seemed concerned but I couldn’t help but be envious. Her daughter only wants to be home and hangs out with my friend ALL the time. My kids have not been that way since they were in preschool. My kids always liked and preferred friends over us, the parents.

[Anonymous]

We hang out with our teen sons (Senior and Sophomore) a lot.

We often go out to dinner once over the weekend. The Senior will see friends after. We have a few series we watch together when HW is done on school nights they don't have sports practices...currently The Sopranos.

I feel like we are together a lot. My older one tends to have his friends at our house many weekends. We have the smallest house in the group, btw. They are a great group of kids--friends since kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

It's really hard. We almost always have dinner together during the week, even if it has to be a little late or one of them can't be there.

Sometimes we can carve out going to a movie together. Once a year, we ski together.

I miss when they were little and we did everything together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hang out with our teen sons (Senior and Sophomore) a lot.

We often go out to dinner once over the weekend. The Senior will see friends after. We have a few series we watch together when HW is done on school nights they don't have sports practices...currently The Sopranos.

I feel like we are together a lot. My older one tends to have his friends at our house many weekends. We have the smallest house in the group, btw. They are a great group of kids--friends since kindergarten.

Oh--one thing that helped was having a very early dinner so we all eat together before they go off to different sports practices. Spouse and I both WAH so that makes it easy to do.

[Anonymous]

I mean, we hang out at home. That's what home is for. Why would you expect a teenager to include their parents in their social lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen sounds like your friend’s kid. A little social anxiety and big homebody tendencies, so we spend a ton of time together. It’s great and I know it’s fleeting, but I am so, so happy when she very occasionally gets together with other kids and I wish she did it way more often.

This is me too. I have 2 teens, one is happy to be with me all the time and I love it, but I do love if she goes out. I guess I wouldn't mind her being a "mommy's girl" if I knew that she'll be okay at college, etc. I'm worried that transition will be so hard for her.

But I totally get why you miss spending time with your teens, OP. My oldest is much more independent, and I miss the old days with her too.

[Anonymous]

We eat together. Dd and I still go on errands together or the movies or watch shows. Ds is much less interested, but randomly will come and watch something with us. As far as outings, he just wants to do that with friends.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 teens--17 17, 15.

My son (17) is super social. He's out every Friday and Saturday night. Sometimes during the day on Saturdays too (golfing or playing sports or going out to lunch). Sunday he's home doing homework all day. He often goes away for weekend trips (skiing, road trips to NYC, etc). It's always something.

My girls are less social. They go out either Friday or Saturday night. Sometimes during the day on Saturdays. Again, always home Sundays for homework.

We eat together most weeknights but again, my son is with us for a few minutes and then back to his room, etc. My girls will linger and talk for 30 minutes. I very much miss the days when we all just hung out together for blocks of time.

[Anonymous]

Our high school teens are quite close to us. Both have completely different personalities. Our extrovert DS fits in time with friends around mealtimes so that he always has dinner with us. And then he’ll game with friends before or after. DD is an introvert and spends more time with us but goes out with friends occasionally too.

[Anonymous]

Part of the job of a teenager is to start developing themselves outside of the home. In a healthy scenario, home/family is the nest and they explore from there.

I make sure we connect as a family by doing family dinners as often as possible, getting away for a weekend here and there, celebrating milestones/holidays together, showing up at sporting events, etc.

We only have sons so I do get jealous of the mother/daughter relationships I see sometimes and how close they appear. But if your child is exploring their world they are doing the right developmental task and getting ready to launch. Social anxiety is a burden on a kid and not something to be envious of.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations. You are functioning as a parent and not their friend. Your kids are the well-adjusted ones who are naturally separating from their parents. Enjoy the win and focus on figuring out how you want to spend your free time. Because face it - you (hopefully) have decades in front of you after your job as a primary caretaker is over.