Divorce - who gets what? How should it be split?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine was a SAHM for ten+ years at the time of their divorce. Her staying at home allowed her exH to move up in his career. She absolutely deserved 50%. She sacrificed her career and earning power for her ex. Consider that, OP.

Stay at home wives do not increase a man’s job success. Stop saying this. It’s just a line sahms repeat over and over to avoid the more shameful truth - that they just didn’t have the same drive as other women. Their husbands may also be lazy and not want to put in a second shift after work. But there is absolutely zero benefit to a stay at home wife in 2024. Stop perpetuating the myth.

[Anonymous]

What if the wife can’t even earn 75k in her field. After taxes that’s barely enough to pay the daycare around here. Let alone a full time nanny …..that was my case.(new poster ). My time was better spent as the full time care giver. And yes I did contribute to the business and his success. I do everything at the house as well as some administrative work for him. If we divorce I think I’m entitled to half. And what about the kids. Wouldn’t it make sense for the kids to see both parents living comfortably and not a mother struggling to make ends meet while the father continues with his standard of living ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if the wife can’t even earn 75k in her field. After taxes that’s barely enough to pay the daycare around here. Let alone a full time nanny …..that was my case.(new poster ). My time was better spent as the full time care giver. And yes I did contribute to the business and his success. I do everything at the house as well as some administrative work for him. If we divorce I think I’m entitled to half. And what about the kids. Wouldn’t it make sense for the kids to see both parents living comfortably and not a mother struggling to make ends meet while the father continues with his standard of living ?

You.did.not.contribute.to.his.success.

You are a low earner, you get to live like a low earner. If you want to live better do better.

You are not a child,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if the wife can’t even earn 75k in her field. After taxes that’s barely enough to pay the daycare around here. Let alone a full time nanny …..that was my case.(new poster ). My time was better spent as the full time care giver. And yes I did contribute to the business and his success. I do everything at the house as well as some administrative work for him. If we divorce I think I’m entitled to half. And what about the kids. Wouldn’t it make sense for the kids to see both parents living comfortably and not a mother struggling to make ends meet while the father continues with his standard of living ?

You.did.not.contribute.to.his.success.

You are a low earner, you get to live like a low earner. If you want to live better do better.

You are not a child,

This. It’s fine your income and potential was low. Remarkably, men don’t find themselves in the same trap. They make career decisions that don’t seem to lead to this “it doesn’t even make sense for me to work because my income is so low” cycle. So, you didn’t focus on making a high income and it therefore made sense for you to not work. Fine. But this has nothing to do with your spouses earning potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again - I’m hoping to settle matters in mediation, but need to have a rough idea of what is right or fair. I suspect that it’s going to be a blindside and that I’m going to have to be prepared with a plan. We have very few liquid assets and some other complications and I think it’s best i go in with an idea of what I want or what is fair. I will definitely have a lawyer helping me.

Mediation is a waste of money

No, fighting with lawyers is a waste. I divorced an attorney. We mediated. It cost less than 5k

OP needs a lawyer to do the mediation. The goal should be to resolve everything in mediation prior to litigation. But this only works if all parties are being sane and rational, which is not always the case.

No. I did not have a lawyer present at mediation. I hired a lawyer by the hour to review the agreement and file. My ex was not rational. I was not going to spend our money fighting with a non rational person. People lose more doing that. I took slightly less and got the eff out for cheap. Only stupid people fight with attorneys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced over two years ago and consulted with two local law firms. Both highly experienced. This is what we did.

1. I wanted a clean and simple separation (in VA so we needed to be separated for 12 months first). No haggling over items, money, etc.

2. I had my attorney draft the documents and my wife initially agreed she would not get her own attorney because we didn't want to waste money. The more you send on attorneys the left you get.

We laid it out like this (in general terms)

1. We have been married for 12 years and have one kid. VA law states I pay six years of alimony based on her own income.

2. She has one rental property with her parents. She keeps it.

3. I have one rental property with my parents. I keep it.

4. All cash in all accounts we had DURING our marriage is split 50/50. I had two 401k accounts prior to us getting married. I kept those. I also had a stock market account well prior to marriage. I kept that.

5. I rented a house nearby and she stayed in our primary residence with our kid. We sold her home a year after separating and we split the profits 50/50.

6. We share custody with our kid 50/50. There are many schedules you can select from. We choose one where she would see us both each week.

The only outlier was our weekend home. We bought a small house on the water nearby I wanted to keep. She did not want it. So, after we sold our primary residence I gave her in cash 50% of the value of the weekend home.

Done. I'm out. My kid is with me 50% of the time and some weeks longer. I'm happy. I've been dating and very very very happy with my life. Even people at work told me they can tell. But, the best part is coming home is no longer a dread of stress and tension. I come home, even to an empty house, and I feel peace. And I love time with my kid.

this worked because you are low-drama and fair. not everyone is!

That is correct. My ex can be high drama. But, I told her the facts. If we fight we both lose money. She knows I can earn more money. Her, she doesn't have the drive like I do. So, she knows it's better to gain more from the separation. Plus, her parents would never approve of her trying to take more than 50% of what was ours (her parents love me still, even begged me not to divorce her).

In the end, I had to prove to my ex that if we just used one attorney and followed Virginia law and split everything 50/50 we'd be better off than dealing two attorneys and fighting over things. 50/50 is fair and I was fine with it. She was also fine with it considering she got $400,000 cash and after we sold our primary she got an additional $600,000 cash.

Truth in bold