How do you cope with having to physically stop or force your large child to do things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Is it legal to create a safe room that I can lock DS inside of? We have a safe room that locks from the inside and we sometimes lock ourselves in that room with him. It has a bed and we can lie in it and the room is safe.

But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.

Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.

I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.

Op here. To clarify some of our therapies happen at home and we sometimes have caseworkers from DDD come to our house so I don’t want to do anything that is illegal or would cause them to report me for something.

I think it would depend on the laws of your state. And the fire code.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Is it legal to create a safe room that I can lock DS inside of? We have a safe room that locks from the inside and we sometimes lock ourselves in that room with him. It has a bed and we can lie in it and the room is safe.

But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.

Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.

I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.

NP. When my DS was around that age, he screamed very loudly in my ear and I lost hearing in that ear. I immediately saw an ENT, started steroid drops and other medication but never recovered the hearing loss. Of course he didn't mean to harm me, he was just mad about something (I don't remember, probably I told him to put on his shoes when he wasn't ready to go).

Be mindful of your own safety. Think things through as best as you can to take care of yourself as well as your DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Is it legal to create a safe room that I can lock DS inside of? We have a safe room that locks from the inside and we sometimes lock ourselves in that room with him. It has a bed and we can lie in it and the room is safe.

But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.

Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.

I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.

NP. When my DS was around that age, he screamed very loudly in my ear and I lost hearing in that ear. I immediately saw an ENT, started steroid drops and other medication but never recovered the hearing loss. Of course he didn't mean to harm me, he was just mad about something (I don't remember, probably I told him to put on his shoes when he wasn't ready to go).

Be mindful of your own safety. Think things through as best as you can to take care of yourself as well as your DC.

Op here. Yes. My situation is similar. My whole body hurts today after yesterday’s incidents. I’m so tired. I actually had to leave my job just this last week because the situation with DS has become so untenable. I’m so incredibly sad. I feel like a loser and completely alone and like i will never recover and life will never get easier.

[Anonymous]

I really question whether one hour a week ABA is getting you any results. I think you could take a hard look at all your expenditures related to this, make some cuts, and spend it on a special needs caregiver instead. Then at least you'd get to lie down by yourself for an hour.

[Anonymous]

I would figure out what the next steps are from your service providers, and really emphasize to them how much you and your child are struggling and how unsafe your situation is, in the hopes they can expedite things for you. If you're waiting on any paperwork, recommendations, IEP stuff, insurance stuff, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really question whether one hour a week ABA is getting you any results. I think you could take a hard look at all your expenditures related to this, make some cuts, and spend it on a special needs caregiver instead. Then at least you'd get to lie down by yourself for an hour.

Op here. I just quit my job last week because things have become so untenable


But we did recently get him on our state’s version of Medicaid so I think we will be getting respite hours soon, if we can find someone to take the job. I wondered if we can supplement the pay that the agency gives to the worker? I think they only make $15/hour and I wonder if we could throw in an extra $10 to get someone to take the job (we don’t live in DC, we live in a smaller city in the Midwest so pay is much lower)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Is it legal to create a safe room that I can lock DS inside of? We have a safe room that locks from the inside and we sometimes lock ourselves in that room with him. It has a bed and we can lie in it and the room is safe.

But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.

Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.

I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.

This sounds like a good idea.

[Anonymous]

My kid was like this. It’s awful. I would ask your psych for a PRN like klonapin. Of course you have to get him to take it which is tough. If you don’t have a mild sedative Benadryl can work.

Now let me ask you this. While he was naked and outside, was he safe? Was he running in and out of the streets? Or was it just a naked 5 year old laying on your neighbors lawn?

If he was just naked and laying on the ground, you don’t need to move him. I know it’s embarrassing to you but when he’s in full blown meltdown you just need to give him some space to regulate. Just sit with him. As the other poster said, let him know you want to help him. If engaging with him makes it worse, just sit with him until he’s ready. Yes people walking by will look and judge—that’s on them and no reflection of you.

Now if he’s running into the street he needs to moved to a safe environment. Restraint training is a great place to start. The foster care system is another great place. There are therapeutic foster placements. These parents go through extensive therapeutic training to handle kids like ours. Be honest with them if you apply, make a nice donation, and get the training.

Is there anything that helps him calm down? For my kid, it was ( and still is) quiet car rides.

Good luck. This is not an easy journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Is it legal to create a safe room that I can lock DS inside of? We have a safe room that locks from the inside and we sometimes lock ourselves in that room with him. It has a bed and we can lie in it and the room is safe.

But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.

Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.

I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.

We've done the exact same thing with DC's bedroom. Set a timer he can see and put him in the room for that time. Agree with the pp who suggested plastic plates (and cups). I also use paper plates to cut down on dishes since DC makes up for that with 3x as much laundry. Aide uses headphones to protect her hearing when DC is yelling. Gloves, long sleeves, arm and leg guards. It's not the life I envisioned but we are getting through it.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure I would put him in the safe room by himself, at this age.
I use ear plugs, they are the small foam ones & I have long hair so hard to see.
Only put soft things in there that won’t hurt you or DS.
Have DH take turns in there with him too, sometimes a different person helps.
Bolts on doors to the outside at the top of the door frame, out of DS’s reach. Alarms on doors.
Drastically safety proof home. No breakables, knives stored away, etc.
In my experience, it got a little better as they got older. But start now to do everything you can to avoid the physical confrontations. Things have to be really, really unsafe to intervene - like more than being naked outside in a warm climate. Because the physical confrontation with a child in the middle of a race could be worse.

[Anonymous]

*rage

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I’m not sure I would put him in the safe room by himself, at this age.
I use ear plugs, they are the small foam ones & I have long hair so hard to see.
Only put soft things in there that won’t hurt you or DS.
Have DH take turns in there with him too, sometimes a different person helps.
Bolts on doors to the outside at the top of the door frame, out of DS’s reach. Alarms on doors.
Drastically safety proof home. No breakables, knives stored away, etc.
In my experience, it got a little better as they got older. But start now to do everything you can to avoid the physical confrontations. Things have to be really, really unsafe to intervene - like more than being naked outside in a warm climate. Because the physical confrontation with a child in the middle of a race could be worse. [/quote]

I would. He needs time to deescalate, and so does the caregiver. It can be a very pleasant space, with soft toys, music, tunnel, special lighting, etc. Have your tried adaptive gymnastics? I'd build a fence around your yard if possible so you don't have to run after him if he gets out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Is it legal to create a safe room that I can lock DS inside of? We have a safe room that locks from the inside and we sometimes lock ourselves in that room with him. It has a bed and we can lie in it and the room is safe.

But what happens when I go in there with DS is he will scream directly in my ear or throw things at me, so it’s not restful.

Wondering if I could create a room I could lock DS in from the outside, what a camera on the inside. So I could keep him safe but get away from him.

I’m
At the absolute end of my rope today.

Op here. To clarify some of our therapies happen at home and we sometimes have caseworkers from DDD come to our house so I don’t want to do anything that is illegal or would cause them to report me for something.

This is a legitimate worry but you obviously you do not lock him in the room when they are there. This is just for when you or DH are alone and at the end of your rope. Better to put him in a safe, familiar room for a short time than have something worse happen. I've been at the edge and this allows me to regroup and be with DC later when I am calmer and can handle the moment.

[Anonymous]

If misery loves company' I went through this with my son and at one time I had to physically protect my wife from him.
They can grow out of it, but when it was going on it was bat chit crazy in our house.
My wife and son are now very close now.
I occasionally will jokingly say "Hey! Remember when you _____?
(My wife will shoot me this Oh! My! God! look)
My son will sheepishly reply " Yeah...".
It will get better.

[Anonymous]

I would ask your professional team about respite services for you. Can he have other caretakers for a weekend? I don’t know what is available where you are. I would also look into a residential placement or hospitalization if Medicaid will fund that. I know Fairfax used to have Foster Care Prevent funds for that kind of thing. I’m so sorry you are struggling with this. There might also be a mobile health crisis unit that can come assist. I’d be very clear with your team about exactly how this looks and is impacting you and his safety. I’m sure you are speaking up, but keep at it.