I hate work travel but I make too much money to quit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have kids and a wonderful spouse who works from home. I took a new job five years ago that I enjoy, and can be stressful and challenging but in a good way, and requires me to travel away from home 4-6 days per month (think 2-3 overnight trips to a major city not far away).

For this job, I get paid over $600k annually. We’re trying hard to manage this money wisely to save for college, invest, do things for the kids, etc.

Lately I have been gut-wrenchingly sad every time I leave my kids. The excitement of the new position has fully worn off and I still enjoy the work, but I miss my kids and spouse so, so much. My kids and spouse are okay without me; we even have involved grandparents nearby.

Can someone help me here with some advice? I’m not thinking of quitting- I’ll never find another job like this and we have a financial plan for the next five years to help pay for the kids. But I miss them so, so much and I feel awful every time I am away.

You are lucky. My spouse travels a ton and has to go in office. They were gone 12 weeks in a row this fall (one or two 2 days a week, others M-F, other weeks included weekends) and they make less than you by a lot! If we could make $600K on one salary for only 4-6 days a month we would take it! They also work crazy hours and are in the office as I type this! What do you do?

Spouse is looking for a new job. Likes the travel and we like the points/miles/status we get, but salary is low for all the work and travel. It isn't worth it anymore. 4-6 days a month is not hard to travel imo. An uncle traveled basically every week to US and Canada (management consulting) for 20+ years and his kids are fine. Both went to Ivies and are totally fine/ happy. He finally changed careers and makes less $ but is MUCH happier.

Have special days with just you your kids when back. Give spouse a break if did work while your traveled. Or save your $ and cut spending and change your job, but honestly yours sounds so wonderful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Yes, I’m the wife. I earn more than my husband, but he does well too. I get to work from home the 25 days I’m not traveling. My kids miss me, but they are busy and happy when I’m not there.

There’s no way I could walk away from this job until college is funded. There’s no job that would even pay me half as much for this type of flexibility and I actually enjoy most of the work. This job is end game for me; my plan is to milk it for as long as I can and then semi-retire and just do fun stuff like freelance writing.

But man - I don’t want to have regrets as a parent. Being financially responsible sucks and I love the romantic idea of quitting, but it just won’t work. I love my kids so so much and it just feels wrong to be away from them. I appreciate the PP who suggested having family events to celebrate when I get back home from a trip. Any and all ideas here are welcome.

If your husband “does well too” I’m gonna guess you all are almost clearing $1M a year. Your kids are in middle school and you haven’t fully funded college?!!! In 2 months time you could have what I have scrimped and scraped the stash in my kid’s accounts over 9 years. I still feel like I’m on track. You are delusional.

What the hell are you blowing your money on? I’ll guess. A $5M house. A country club. Private schools.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are growing up, and they need less and less of their parents. I think you miss the time when they were little, and would like to catch the tail end of their childhood. You want to feel needed. These are valid feelings, but in a few short years your kids will respect you more for working hard. You have achieved so much, and you are not done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all are right. I’m having a pity party being stuck in an airport in zero degree weather after a 20 hour day. I’m incredibly grateful for everything I have and I am incredibly blessed. I’ll go back to focusing on the positive soon. Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am.

Yes, go do that. My DH had to travel 4 days a week early in his career. Now that would be something to complain about.

[Anonymous]

OP, what kind of work do you do?!?!?

[Anonymous]

Think about what the income can bring you in terms of time and memories with the kids as they get older. You miss a couple of nights a month now, but the high income means you can take some amazing trips together on school breaks now, and even when they are adults. I bet if you can offer to take them on a long weekend to London when they are in their 20s, vs a weekend at Bethany beach, they will be much more inclined to join you! You can retire earlier, and spend more time/money visiting them when they eventually move out of your house. You’ll be able to afford a nicer, bigger house that the kids can come home to when they have their own kids. If you were gone 4 days a week, that would probably not be worth the trade off. But MS/HS kids, involved grandparents, and only missing a few nights a month seems well worth it! Heck, my husband rarely travels for work but he can go entire days without seeing the kids when he is super busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do a daily zoom with them while you're travelling. Maybe you guys could eat dinner or watch a show together.

I think the above is a good idea.

Also I'm not a fan of phones for middle schoolers, but my kids got phones at 9th grade age. I like that we keep in touch by text and they send me funny things randomly. I encourage that. It makes the day more enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Wow are you a Nancy Girl. In 2017 and 2018 I spent 240 nights a year away from home with three kids and a wife.

Between 2000 when first born to 2006 I left for work at 645 am and got home 730 pm when in office but also took 6-15 business trips a year.

I am a man and just my job. I was always there for kids. I had every weekend, holiday, 4 weeks vacation.

I usually fly but one year I worked in NYC and did 50 Amtrak Roundtrips in a single year DC to NYC! Got super high status!

[Anonymous]

OP please tell us what you do so I can recommend to my DD! Dream job. Where do you travel to? Anyplace interesting?

[Anonymous]

Golden handcuffs OP, it sounds like your DH makes at least 200k and maybe more? If you don’t like it, find another job even if it pays a lot less, guessing you could find something w/o travel for 300??? How would that not be enough for college etc???

[Anonymous]

Op, take your hubby and kids with you if you could and have fun in bed on your off time.

[Anonymous]

If you wfh for 25 days a month, you probably see your kids more than people who commute to an office every day. Id really reevaluate your attitude here.

[Anonymous]

OMG I am having so much difficulty empathizing with you.

[Anonymous]

“I’m incredibly grateful for everything I have and I am incredibly blessed.”

Really? If you really think that, just own your decision. You have prioritised making money and early retirement over extra time with your children. You could get another job tomorrow paying half that amount and still be better off than most of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Yes, I’m the wife. I earn more than my husband, but he does well too. I get to work from home the 25 days I’m not traveling. My kids miss me, but they are busy and happy when I’m not there.

There’s no way I could walk away from this job until college is funded. There’s no job that would even pay me half as much for this type of flexibility and I actually enjoy most of the work. This job is end game for me; my plan is to milk it for as long as I can and then semi-retire and just do fun stuff like freelance writing.

But man - I don’t want to have regrets as a parent. Being financially responsible sucks and I love the romantic idea of quitting, but it just won’t work. I love my kids so so much and it just feels wrong to be away from them. I appreciate the PP who suggested having family events to celebrate when I get back home from a trip. Any and all ideas here are welcome.

So your household income is about $1M. And you WFH 80% of the time. I admit I'm very jealous of your setup. Our combined HHI is half of your income alone, and we barely see our kids between our commutes and "fire drill" long hours. What do you do, I'll happily take your job!

+1000 it’s kind of unbelievable that you’re whining about a setup that 99% of the population would kill for. Maybe try to get some perspective and a little gratitude.