DH dislikes my parents and will not visit them with me

[Anonymous]

Don’t force an adult to do anything. He is not a child. He has found successful ways to cope —for him as an individual: distance and planning, little to np communication. Spouse sounds functional and smart.

[Anonymous]

I’m your DH in our relationship. My DH did a poor job of handling his parents when they were unsupportive, attacking, and derisive of me. I no longer visit and I will definitely not stay in their home. We have a cordial relationship now, but I will never forget how they treated me. 20 min away is not too far to stay in a hotel. It sounds worth it given how you describe your parents.

Leave your DH alone and visit your parents yourself with the number of kids you can handle. Have you thought about meeting your parents with your kids someplace neutral where there are actually things to do to occupy the time? Like a resort or park where you get a room for them and one for you and the kids? Toxic people + a dead area with nothing to do sounds intolerable.

[Anonymous]

He set boundaries. Why he is letting you expose the kids to those people is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Both my husband and I have had problems with my parents.

Your husband can stay home while you visit with the kids, in their house or in a hotel. See how you like it, and repeat if you want.

If they're "too young" for you to manage by yourself (really?), then you wait. You can't force your husband to go, and frankly, he's right to put his foot down. If my in-laws treated me this way, I wouldn't go either!

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t be pushing your husband on this.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is living DCUM's dream.

[Anonymous]

I'm with your husband. BUT if you are committed to your children visiting your parents, would your sister fly to you and help you fly back to your parents with your children, and help manage logistics with them while traveling? Yes it is asking a lot but it is for your parents, who are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Why would you leave your kids with them? That’s a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids and how many? I suspect you want him to go, at least in part, because you’re trying to create some happy family memories all together with your whole family and grandparents. He knows that’s not what will happen if he goes. You need to accept that too.

[Anonymous]

I like the flight with the two NT kids. Tell the grandparents that the SN kid can't handle the trip well or go with the SN kid alone another time. Or take all three but hire a caregiver when you are there. Just buy a blow up mattress and stay at their house. Much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're unpleasant, fearful, judgmental and have narcissitic tendencies that I believe are a cover for breathtaking insecurity.



DH and I would be able to leave the kids with them, go away to a nice hotel for a night or two and try to turn it into something positive.

I can not reconcile these two things. Like it's bizarre you would consider leaving your kids with someone you describe that way, that they don't even know.

I would just take your children by yourself, but only if you don't plan to leave them with your parents.

New poster. Just STFU. My mother takes the crown for narcissism and unpleasantness. Still she loves her grandkids and before she got to be old AF we’d happily leave them with her for a few days and think nothing of it. OP never said they were abusive or neglectful or child molesters for Pete’s sake.

You’re just one of those crazy black-and-white thinking DCUM women who hates old people, hates in laws, and sees everything rigidly, angrily and judgmentally without understanding the subtleties and complications in people. There are so many of you on here and it’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're unpleasant, fearful, judgmental and have narcissitic tendencies that I believe are a cover for breathtaking insecurity.



DH and I would be able to leave the kids with them, go away to a nice hotel for a night or two and try to turn it into something positive.

I can not reconcile these two things. Like it's bizarre you would consider leaving your kids with someone you describe that way, that they don't even know.

I would just take your children by yourself, but only if you don't plan to leave them with your parents.

New poster. Just STFU. My mother takes the crown for narcissism and unpleasantness. Still she loves her grandkids and before she got to be old AF we’d happily leave them with her for a few days and think nothing of it. OP never said they were abusive or neglectful or child molesters for Pete’s sake.

You’re just one of those crazy black-and-white thinking DCUM women who hates old people, hates in laws, and sees everything rigidly, angrily and judgmentally without understanding the subtleties and complications in people. There are so many of you on here and it’s sad.

Damn. Who peed in your Cheerios this morning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're unpleasant, fearful, judgmental and have narcissitic tendencies that I believe are a cover for breathtaking insecurity.



DH and I would be able to leave the kids with them, go away to a nice hotel for a night or two and try to turn it into something positive.

I can not reconcile these two things. Like it's bizarre you would consider leaving your kids with someone you describe that way, that they don't even know.

I would just take your children by yourself, but only if you don't plan to leave them with your parents.

New poster. Just STFU. My mother takes the crown for narcissism and unpleasantness. Still she loves her grandkids and before she got to be old AF we’d happily leave them with her for a few days and think nothing of it. OP never said they were abusive or neglectful or child molesters for Pete’s sake.

You’re just one of those crazy black-and-white thinking DCUM women who hates old people, hates in laws, and sees everything rigidly, angrily and judgmentally without understanding the subtleties and complications in people. There are so many of you on here and it’s sad.

Ha, yeah, it’s your mom who is unpleasant. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Is there a town or city within driving distance of your parents where he could hole up while the whole family goes to their area? You guys could fly together, he can help with the kids etc., you can rent a car and drive to your parents' house.

As a supportive spouse I'd agree to do this maybe once a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're unpleasant, fearful, judgmental and have narcissitic tendencies that I believe are a cover for breathtaking insecurity.



DH and I would be able to leave the kids with them, go away to a nice hotel for a night or two and try to turn it into something positive.

I can not reconcile these two things. Like it's bizarre you would consider leaving your kids with someone you describe that way, that they don't even know.

I would just take your children by yourself, but only if you don't plan to leave them with your parents.

New poster. Just STFU. My mother takes the crown for narcissism and unpleasantness. Still she loves her grandkids and before she got to be old AF we’d happily leave them with her for a few days and think nothing of it. OP never said they were abusive or neglectful or child molesters for Pete’s sake.

You’re just one of those crazy black-and-white thinking DCUM women who hates old people, hates in laws, and sees everything rigidly, angrily and judgmentally without understanding the subtleties and complications in people. There are so many of you on here and it’s sad.

Ha, yeah, it’s your mom who is unpleasant. Got it.

I think she might be the MIL. I’ve never heard anyone vigorously defend narcissists.