What 50-50 custody schedule worked best for your 7 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

You like to think they live with each parent, but your children might feel like they live nowhere and visit each. But you're so hostile that they'll never feel like they can tell you how they really feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

You like to think they live with each parent, but your children might feel like they live nowhere and visit each. But you're so hostile that they'll never feel like they can tell you how they really feel.

Well, I'm going to take the word of my wonderful children over you, internet stranger!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

You like to think they live with each parent, but your children might feel like they live nowhere and visit each. But you're so hostile that they'll never feel like they can tell you how they really feel.

Well, I'm going to take the word of my wonderful children over you, internet stranger!

Okay. Just something to think about. Not being allowed to have negative opinions about divorce and custody is a common theme for ACOD, and you can listen to us or you can ignore us. It's up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

You like to think they live with each parent, but your children might feel like they live nowhere and visit each. But you're so hostile that they'll never feel like they can tell you how they really feel.

Well, I'm going to take the word of my wonderful children over you, internet stranger!

Okay. Just something to think about. Not being allowed to have negative opinions about divorce and custody is a common theme for ACOD, and you can listen to us or you can ignore us. It's up to you.

I'm not sure why you're referring to yourself in the plural, but you may want to speak to your doctor about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

You like to think they live with each parent, but your children might feel like they live nowhere and visit each. But you're so hostile that they'll never feel like they can tell you how they really feel.

Well, I'm going to take the word of my wonderful children over you, internet stranger!

Okay. Just something to think about. Not being allowed to have negative opinions about divorce and custody is a common theme for ACOD, and you can listen to us or you can ignore us. It's up to you.

I'm not sure why you're referring to yourself in the plural, but you may want to speak to your doctor about that.

ACOD stands for Adult Child of Divorce and there are many of us. Each with our own unique experience and perspective, to be sure, but there are certain common threads. One common thread is divorced parents' denial of any negative impact on the children, their pressure on their children to express positive feedback, and their anger and hostility when any negative opinions are expressed. Ask yourself if you're reacting that way.

[Anonymous]

There is no good answer. It’s horrible to go back and forth, to not have regular exposure to one or another parent (in most situations). But it’s also horrible for kids to live in a house where one parent is being abused. And I imagine it would be very stressful to live in a house where parents were sucking it up to nest with each other. If the parents could manage to coexist, they probably wouldn’t be getting divorced.

For what it’s worth, we do 2-2-3. So kids know they are always with parent 1 on Monday, Tuesday, alway with parent 2 on Wednesday, Thursday, and just have the weekends to flip.

Most activities are during the week, and a lot of kids miss weekend events all the time for travel or other family commitments, so my kids don’t stand out when a parent refuses to take them to an activity. Of course this wouldn’t work with all activities, but it works with most.

Is it ideal for anyone? No. But divorce isn’t ideal. Neither is staying in a divorce-worthy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ceded custody to make it easier for the child. I’m (mom) about to that place. My child doesn’t do well shuffling about so to protect him I’m willing to go 80/20 so he has stability.

I’m a mom and we’re doing 50/50 and the thought is crossing my mind. It kills me how much my kids hate it. My ex has the bigger house.

It’s the worst feeling.

I’m also the mom and agreed to drop down to just every other weekend and some of the breaks/ summer because of this. My ex has no desire to think creatively so I gave in. I pay much more in child support also. Something to think about. However, my child’s behavior has improved and emotions have stabilized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ceded custody to make it easier for the child. I’m (mom) about to that place. My child doesn’t do well shuffling about so to protect him I’m willing to go 80/20 so he has stability.

I’m a mom and we’re doing 50/50 and the thought is crossing my mind. It kills me how much my kids hate it. My ex has the bigger house.

It’s the worst feeling.

Why do your kids feel this way? Is it possible their other parent is influencing these feelings? Is there things you and the other parent can do to help dc feel better? I don't think the answer is, not see your dc because he's got a bigger house. Are your kids in therapy? Kids usually do best when they see both parents frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

You like to think they live with each parent, but your children might feel like they live nowhere and visit each. But you're so hostile that they'll never feel like they can tell you how they really feel.

Well, I'm going to take the word of my wonderful children over you, internet stranger!

Okay. Just something to think about. Not being allowed to have negative opinions about divorce and custody is a common theme for ACOD, and you can listen to us or you can ignore us. It's up to you.

I'm not sure why you're referring to yourself in the plural, but you may want to speak to your doctor about that.

ACOD stands for Adult Child of Divorce and there are many of us. Each with our own unique experience and perspective, to be sure, but there are certain common threads. One common thread is divorced parents' denial of any negative impact on the children, their pressure on their children to express positive feedback, and their anger and hostility when any negative opinions are expressed. Ask yourself if you're reacting that way.

I'm not reacting that way, thanks for your input! My dc are happy and have good relationships with both parents, and this is noted by their therapist and school counselors. The drop in tension and anger in the family after the divorce has been good for all of us. I think being able to coparent effectively is a big factor to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

That’s an unfair question. There’s no perfect solution here and OP just has to find the best solution out of a range of imperfect ones. Most of us know divorce isn’t great for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

I’m not the PP but I will own up to this. If I got to decide, the children would live with the default parent after divorce (and that’s usually mom) and would visit the parent who has been more secondary in their life. So that the children have a clear home. I will own that opinion.

[Anonymous]

We do every other weekend and 2 weeknights with Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

That’s an unfair question. There’s no perfect solution here and OP just has to find the best solution out of a range of imperfect ones. Most of us know divorce isn’t great for the kids.

It's a perfectly fair question, if you're not willing to do something yourself then you shouldn't expect the same from your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

I’m not the PP but I will own up to this. If I got to decide, the children would live with the default parent after divorce (and that’s usually mom) and would visit the parent who has been more secondary in their life. So that the children have a clear home. I will own that opinion.

I think in some situations, that's best (particularly in cases of abuse) but many studies have shown that kids do best when they see both parents frequently.