What 50-50 custody schedule worked best for your 7 year old?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

I’m not the PP but I will own up to this. If I got to decide, the children would live with the default parent after divorce (and that’s usually mom) and would visit the parent who has been more secondary in their life. So that the children have a clear home. I will own that opinion.

I think in some situations, that's best (particularly in cases of abuse) but many studies have shown that kids do best when they see both parents frequently.

Fine. But let them stay in one home 80 percent of the time.

Don't make your kids vagabonds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did 2-2-5 work best for your 7 year old?

Right now, I have lots more job flexibility, so I get my kid from aftercare at 4:30 every day. My STBX is a good parent, but has a much more rigid job. He'd have to get a sitter from the end of aftercare (4:30) until 5:30/6 on his days. I will continue living near the school and would be happy to continue picking up from school at 4:30....but I worry that it'd be hard for my kid to come home to my house and then get picked up to go to her father's house at 5:30/6. On the one hand, I currently crave every hour possible with my kid....but I don't want to make it harder for her.

Thoughts?

2-2-5 or 2-2-3 are always good

[Anonymous]

What is 2-2-5? Mon-Tues, then Wednesday-Thursday, then Friday-Tuesday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

I’m not the PP but I will own up to this. If I got to decide, the children would live with the default parent after divorce (and that’s usually mom) and would visit the parent who has been more secondary in their life. So that the children have a clear home. I will own that opinion.

I think in some situations, that's best (particularly in cases of abuse) but many studies have shown that kids do best when they see both parents frequently.

Fine. But let them stay in one home 80 percent of the time.

Don't make your kids vagabonds.

They are children who live with both their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is 2-2-5? Mon-Tues, then Wednesday-Thursday, then Friday-Tuesday?

One parent always has M/T, one always has W/Th, and then F-Sun swap, so you end up with a 5-day block. It ends up being 2-2-5-5.

So you get M/T, W/Th, Fri-Tuesday, Wed-Sunday over a 2-week period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

I’m not the PP but I will own up to this. If I got to decide, the children would live with the default parent after divorce (and that’s usually mom) and would visit the parent who has been more secondary in their life. So that the children have a clear home. I will own that opinion.

I think in some situations, that's best (particularly in cases of abuse) but many studies have shown that kids do best when they see both parents frequently.

Fine. But let them stay in one home 80 percent of the time.

Don't make your kids vagabonds.

They are children who live with both their parents.

Garbage!

They are basically orphans for as much as their parents care about them.

Kids stay put in one home. This is the only way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about 2/2/5 is it's inconsistent as to days of the week. Some children do better with a schedule they can more easily understand, or there are logistical reasons to have them always in a certain home on a certain day of the week.

It's not inconsistent. Ex. Dc with Dad Mon/Tues, Dc with Mom Wed/Thu, rotate Fri Sat Sun.

Right, so Fri Sat Sun are inconsistent. Some kids or families find this hard, others don't.

OP, ask yourself if you would like to live on this schedule yourself. Would you find it burdensome, even if someone else packed your suitcase for you?

No, they are not inconsistent. One with Dad, one with Mom, repeat. And no suitcase needed-you live with your mother and your father and have needed items.

OP's not asking for your permission to divorce.

They are not consistent because the child has to alternate and consistently shuffle around. Of course we know OP does not need anyone's permission for divorce, but it is foolish to pretend that it won't be very damaging to the child. If the parents choose to have the child shuffle between two homes, then they are not choosing what is best for the child. They don't need anyone's permission, but should own up to their choice.

Quite a bit of evidence proves that kids do best in divorce when they get to keep being with both parents. I guess you would rather relegate one-probably Dad-to be the one the child 'visits'. My dc live with their parents and see them both nearly daily. But if you prefer to cut Dad (most likely) out-you should own up to your choice.

I’m not the PP but I will own up to this. If I got to decide, the children would live with the default parent after divorce (and that’s usually mom) and would visit the parent who has been more secondary in their life. So that the children have a clear home. I will own that opinion.

I think in some situations, that's best (particularly in cases of abuse) but many studies have shown that kids do best when they see both parents frequently.

Fine. But let them stay in one home 80 percent of the time.

Don't make your kids vagabonds.

They are children who live with both their parents.

Garbage!

They are basically orphans for as much as their parents care about them.

Kids stay put in one home. This is the only way!

It's not, in fact, the only way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ceded custody to make it easier for the child. I’m (mom) about to that place. My child doesn’t do well shuffling about so to protect him I’m willing to go 80/20 so he has stability.

My ex did. Every other Wednesday from after school until after dinner, and every other weekend. Wednesdays were like a playdate with Dad.

[Anonymous]

the transitions might not be a problem if it's part of a regular routine. My ex and I would keep the same nights each week until it made sense to change nights. He would have every mon/wed/fri for months, and then if activity schedules changed, we'd change. But she always knew who was picking her up that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ceded custody to make it easier for the child. I’m (mom) about to that place. My child doesn’t do well shuffling about so to protect him I’m willing to go 80/20 so he has stability.

My ex did. Every other Wednesday from after school until after dinner, and every other weekend. Wednesdays were like a playdate with Dad.

That was my schedule growing up.

[Anonymous]

Oh my. This breaks my heart. The kids are pillar to post. Can’t you see that? Imagine if that was your schedule right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my. This breaks my heart. The kids are pillar to post. Can’t you see that? Imagine if that was your schedule right now?

It’s the worst; the absolute worst. Everything they thought was (an intact family) isn’t. And then they have to move around from place to place.

I didnt want a divorce once I had children but it happened anyway. We tried to make it as easy as possible on
the kids. But it is simply horrible. People try to defend it but wait until your kids grow up and then ask them what it was really like.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re asking us, which is a good way to think about different options, but PLEASE also ask your kid. I’m not saying that the child should have the only say in how things get decided, but you /both adults can discuss different options and make it clear that you’re able to be flexible to suit your child’s needs. You might find out that things really matter — like spending time with friends on particular days, or having a particular activity with a one parent on a particular day of the week — that you might not have considered.

I say this as someone whose parents had an acrimonious divorce. One parent was adamant about getting their “fair share” — without even asking what my needs and preferences might have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my. This breaks my heart. The kids are pillar to post. Can’t you see that? Imagine if that was your schedule right now?

It's not 'pillar to post', drama queen. The child is living with their own parents, seeing them both regularly.

[Anonymous]

Can someone explain why any parent or child would choose this over one week with one and one week with the other?

Unless parents live next door this sounds incredibly depleting for the kids. And burdensome logistics must only encourage repression of feelings since it becomes clear they have no agency