What other options are there for adults beyond dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends and I talking about having micro houses on the same property.

I recently saw something where a group of childhood friends bought small homes in the same neighborhood. It was cute.

My friends and I have joked we will retiree in the same cul de sac.

[Anonymous]

Any five year old available for adoption is not going to be an easy adoptee. Especially to someone with no parenting experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unusual and not welcome by dcum solution: adopt a 5 yo child at 50yo. A girl, preferably, who has a good attention span and is kind. Ignore her cuteness and race. Girls are great companions in aye 50s -60s for their moms while growing up and even through college. Then you’ll have grand children to visit. A real family.

I’m dating but have myself a deadline : if not partnered by 50 I’ll adopt

Wow this is a terrible reason to adopt.

Why? Plenty of women take on foster kids or adopt. They have the time, money, and availability.

It’s actually a great reason to adopt - to create a family of your own and social connections when older. Much better than relying on strangers. Yes, I do have one grown child and want to adopt a 3-5 yo at my 50 as I have energy and money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unusual and not welcome by dcum solution: adopt a 5 yo child at 50yo. A girl, preferably, who has a good attention span and is kind. Ignore her cuteness and race. Girls are great companions in aye 50s -60s for their moms while growing up and even through college. Then you’ll have grand children to visit. A real family.

I’m dating but have myself a deadline : if not partnered by 50 I’ll adopt

What a selfish motive but anyway they don’t let 50 yo single women adopt

My grandmother adopted some kids when she was older. I think she thought she was helping these orphaned girls. Guess the motive matters.

I don’t think fostering or adopting to have a family or companionship is necessarily wrong. I’m still busy with my own 3 kids but I have mentioned adoption to DH and he said no. If I was a widow one day, I absolutely would foster or adopt.

It was customary since Ancient Rome for wealthy women who are windowed or otherwise left unmarried in older age to adopt. Much safer and stable economically from wealth preservation standpoint than remarrying in older age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unusual and not welcome by dcum solution: adopt a 5 yo child at 50yo. A girl, preferably, who has a good attention span and is kind. Ignore her cuteness and race. Girls are great companions in aye 50s -60s for their moms while growing up and even through college. Then you’ll have grand children to visit. A real family.

I’m dating but have myself a deadline : if not partnered by 50 I’ll adopt

What a selfish motive but anyway they don’t let 50 yo single women adopt

Disagree. I’ve known 3 different single women in their 50s adopt baby girls. This was overseas and these girls were taken from poverty and given wonderful lives.

True - there is a famous painting by Karl Brullov of a noble woman with her adopted daughter. That was in 19th century in Russia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unusual and not welcome by dcum solution: adopt a 5 yo child at 50yo. A girl, preferably, who has a good attention span and is kind. Ignore her cuteness and race. Girls are great companions in aye 50s -60s for their moms while growing up and even through college. Then you’ll have grand children to visit. A real family.

I’m dating but have myself a deadline : if not partnered by 50 I’ll adopt

Wow this is a terrible reason to adopt.

Why? Plenty of women take on foster kids or adopt. They have the time, money, and availability.

It’s one thing to adopt because you want to be a mother, but for female companionship? And to have grandchildren in your 80s? Nutty!

Not true - life expectancy for current 45-50 yo women is 94 years. She can see grand children well into their 20s and have a real second family or only family she never received from a man

[Anonymous]

Best solution:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Co-housing.

My friends live in a co-housing building in Canada and it is amazing. They have their own condo, but the building has amazing shared living spaces including a massive kitchen and there are always people around if you want company. They have communal dinners 3x a week, trade dog walking or babysitting, share their cars if needed, etc. It was really lovely. It reminded me of living in a college dorm (with less drunk people.)

They have the same thing in Europe (I think Belgium or Switzerland, can’t remember but it was a French-speaking area-saw a documentary on it). Each person has their own small condo but meals are communal where everyone sits at big tables to eat dinner together (the cooking is done on a rotating basis). Everyone looks out for each other and they all seem very happy.

Yes. This was my version of the 50 and older community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to put up with an abusive addictive deceptive cheating husband and all the OLD discussions just give me a headache thinking about them and the effort just to find a man who isn't interested in someone younger or using me. Are there other options for living together with someone else that are formal like with OLD? I do better living with someone or near someone with lots of people to keep me engaged during the day and night but maybe my future is more like the Golden Girls rather than with a man. Do people do this type of thing as they age or are older women also too set in their ways to cohabitate? Am I just looking for a 55 and up retirement community?

Best friends and siblings do this still. As a society, we devalue these non-romantic life partnerships because we see it as a sign that they “failed”.

I have two sets of great aunts that paired up and spent their lives together. In one set, neither ever married or had kids. In the other, one had a brief, young marriage that produced a child. She and her sister raised that child together. All four of these aunts had much happier lives than most of the women I saw around me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any five year old available for adoption is not going to be an easy adoptee. Especially to someone with no parenting experience

Sadly, this is true. There’s going to be significant trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any five year old available for adoption is not going to be an easy adoptee. Especially to someone with no parenting experience

Sadly, this is true. There’s going to be significant trauma.

I don’t know, a dear friend of mine adopted a 10 year old out of foster care and I am surprised at how “normal” (for lack of a better word) the kid is. Of course there’s trauma in the background, but it seems like the adoptive parents have a strong enough will to work through it in a loving way.

Granted, I don’t know the full picture, but from what I see and what my friend tells me, it’s a very positive experience. They’re a gay couple with a boy child if it matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Co-housing.

My friends live in a co-housing building in Canada and it is amazing. They have their own condo, but the building has amazing shared living spaces including a massive kitchen and there are always people around if you want company. They have communal dinners 3x a week, trade dog walking or babysitting, share their cars if needed, etc. It was really lovely. It reminded me of living in a college dorm (with less drunk people.)

They have the same thing in Europe (I think Belgium or Switzerland, can’t remember but it was a French-speaking area-saw a documentary on it). Each person has their own small condo but meals are communal where everyone sits at big tables to eat dinner together (the cooking is done on a rotating basis). Everyone looks out for each other and they all seem very happy.

Yes. This was my version of the 50 and older community.

Sign me up.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose single mom died young at age 8 and she was never adopted. She's one of the most amazing people I know and anyone would have been lucky to have her as a daughter. She would have probably been less challenging to raise since she was coming from a stable home. I have seen adoptive situations where there was neglect or abuse prove challenging but I commend the parents for their bravery. If the primary motivator is companionship, I agree it's a terrible idea as this person is probably not well equipped for the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meant to say ability as the 3rd reason. I think an older women who is still healthy is a very good person to take on a foster child or adopt and older child. Most of these kids just stay in a foster care system if no one will take on their care.

+1 this is so true or adopting a child who's not a newborn. If you can provide a good life, why does it matter that part of the reason is companionship and potential grandkids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unusual and not welcome by dcum solution: adopt a 5 yo child at 50yo. A girl, preferably, who has a good attention span and is kind. Ignore her cuteness and race. Girls are great companions in aye 50s -60s for their moms while growing up and even through college. Then you’ll have grand children to visit. A real family.

I’m dating but have myself a deadline : if not partnered by 50 I’ll adopt

Wow this is a terrible reason to adopt.

Why? Plenty of women take on foster kids or adopt. They have the time, money, and availability.

It’s one thing to adopt because you want to be a mother, but for female companionship? And to have grandchildren in your 80s? Nutty!

Someone need to open their eyes...