Why wouldn’t my mother allow me to nap when I was sick?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]I’m currently sick and being lazy, napping. I always feel guilty when I do, even when my husband sweetly tucks me in, brings me tea in bed, etc. Napping is normal and healthy when sick. So why didn’t my mother allow it?

When I would come home from school sick and would want to nap, my mother would get angry and tell me, “You’re not going to just nap all evening.” Not because I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, not because there were things to do, just… because. So I would get up and watch TV, or read, or sit in the living room. All idle things. But I couldn’t nap.

I’ve always wondered what her motivation was. I wasn’t missing homework or work/chores or extracurriculars. She just wouldn’t allow napping, but gave no reasons. I would ask her, but I cannot. So as I lay and ponder, I thought I’d ask here. Does anyone know?

[/b]

Obviously from you wrote and how you did: different cultures. give it up and move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was raised by an unloving parent

This is true, she was. But she was otherwise very loving to me, at times to the point of enmeshment.

Right. So, she was nuts. That’s why.

[Anonymous]

Maybe previous generation-think? I could NEVER stay home if I was sick, let alone nap. I still remember the school calling and begging my parents to take me home when I had the chicken pox. I was mortified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m currently sick and being lazy, napping. I always feel guilty when I do, even when my husband sweetly tucks me in, brings me tea in bed, etc. Napping is normal and healthy when sick. So why didn’t my mother allow it?

When I would come home from school sick and would want to nap, my mother would get angry and tell me, “You’re not going to just nap all evening.” Not because I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, not because there were things to do, just… because. So I would get up and watch TV, or read, or sit in the living room. All idle things. But I couldn’t nap.

I’ve always wondered what her motivation was. I wasn’t missing homework or work/chores or extracurriculars. She just wouldn’t allow napping, but gave no reasons. I would ask her, but I cannot. So as I lay and ponder, I thought I’d ask here. Does anyone know?

She thought it would mess up your sleep schedule or may be in her family of birth, it was looked as something lazy children did so she just repeated that without much thought.

[Anonymous]

She either wanted to keep you on your usual sleep schedule, felt you should be productive, or thought it was lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was the same. I am a high sleep needs person and probably have some sort of ADD sleep related issues where I shut down after going going going and need sleep.

She never let me nap or sleep in on weekends even when we had no where to be.

I believe with my Mom it was some weird resentment which she still has for me. Now, even as an adult, if I sleep late or nap or have a lazy day in bed I feel so guilty.

YES.

I let my inattentive, sleep apnea-perturbed son sleep in when he has nowhere to go. His body needs the sleep! I remember so well my mother forcing my father and I out of bed every single morning, because she was up by 6am no matter what, and thought early habits were some sort of moral rectitude. My father snored badly and probably needed more sleep than he got. Now in his 70s he's developing dementia. Maybe lack of sleep contributed! I am not a morning person either and have trained my 5am-waking husband and daughter to be quiet in the morning. I am convinced that waking me earlier than my natural wake-up time is going to lead me to dementia and/or an early grave.

[Anonymous]

I don't remember my mom doing this, but my mom was super-weird about illness - if you were sick it was probably because you didn't get enough rest or did something else to bring it on yourself.

She's mellowed in her old age, but I could totally see her doing this.

[Anonymous]

My mom wouldn’t either. Napping was not allowed unless it was her. I was not permitted to sit on the couch with her. (This was a large 7ft couch). If she ever caught me laying on the couch watching tv, she would flip out.

[Anonymous]

I've noticed among low income, low educated Moms they can have some very strange beliefs about sickness rituals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 99 year old grandmother just got over an illness and complained that it made her so tired that she wanted to sleep during the day. She refused to sleep when it wasn’t time and insisted that keeping to a schedule helps beat illness. Maybe OP’s mom felt similar?

I’m the same as your grandma. By nature, I am a night owl but I have a job and life that doesn’t fit that schedule. I've worked hard the last 25+ years to find out that what works for me is to get 8 hours of night sleep and rule number 1 is NO NAPPING. No matter what. Even when I’m sick I try to keep to my regular schedule and if I can’t, I know I’m really sick.

I’m not as strict with my kids. When they are sick, I encourage naps. But I don’t like it when they sleep in more than an hour on the weekends. They are getting to an age where I need to let them figure out their own patterns and what works for them. This thread is a good reminder to let them do that.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, this is borderline abusive. What kind of parent doesn't let their sick child nap? All of these justifications are bizarre. The OP's mother had/has serious issues.

[Anonymous]

OP, just a question off the top…..
Is there a particular reason why you cannot ask your Mother her reasons for this?

Is she no longer alive??

Anyway I think her reason was that for some people (not me!)…..napping is looked at as being a lazy sloth.
Many people associate sleeping with being lazy which can be the case however definitely not when someone is sick.

I am glad you are getting your rest right now w/o an ounce of guilt because you are right >> our bodies need the rest in order to heal. ❤️‍🩹

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was the same. I am a high sleep needs person and probably have some sort of ADD sleep related issues where I shut down after going going going and need sleep.

She never let me nap or sleep in on weekends even when we had no where to be.

I believe with my Mom it was some weird resentment which she still has for me. Now, even as an adult, if I sleep late or nap or have a lazy day in bed I feel so guilty.

YES.

I let my inattentive, sleep apnea-perturbed son sleep in when he has nowhere to go. His body needs the sleep! I remember so well my mother forcing my father and I out of bed every single morning, because she was up by 6am no matter what, and thought early habits were some sort of moral rectitude. My father snored badly and probably needed more sleep than he got. Now in his 70s he's developing dementia. Maybe lack of sleep contributed! I am not a morning person either and have trained my 5am-waking husband and daughter to be quiet in the morning. I am convinced that waking me earlier than my natural wake-up time is going to lead me to dementia and/or an early grave.

It's healthiest to go to sleep at the same time and wake up at the same time every day. It's best for the body, for those people who naturally are regulated and scheduled and even moreso for those who aren't.

[Anonymous]

My mom would send me with a fever looking and feeling like death and she would belittle me if I complained. The only thing she allowed me to stay home for was a stomach bug. She wanted her "me time."

[Anonymous]

People just have weird things in their heads. We weren't allowed to take our shoes off. That's right, NOT allowed. If we took our shoes off before bedtime my dad would yell at us. "You must be tired, so go upstairs and go to sleep." If my mother was cold she'd insist I go put on a sweatshirt. She'd literally say "I'm cold; go put on a sweatshirt." If I suggested SHE put on a sweatshirt since SHE was cold, I'd get in trouble. Parents are weird. Let it go and be glad you have a husband who takes good care of you now.