The reality your family members just aren’t good people

[Anonymous]

My parents raced at ages 74 and 75 to bail out my mother’s brother from charges of a child porn ring. They drive all night from Florida to NC.

I will never forgive them.

Believe me that was not the worst my family had done.

So yes I unfortunately understand.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry your family is going through this. I too have seen kids suffer from their parents’ lack of maturity, mild neglect, or emotionally abusive behavior. However, if it doesn't rise to legally actionable behavior, there is so little that can be done. As you’ve already noted, when you try to do more, the parents reduce their contact with you.

What you can do is continue to be a part of these teens’ lives in the capacity their parents allow. Demonstrate in words and actions that you are a safe, non-judgmental person. (This includes not judging their parents in front of them.) If they need and want your support as young adults, they will know how to reach you.

Remember also that these kids may have a wider support network than what you see. Teachers, friends, neighbors, and others may be keeping an eye out and supporting them in ways you don’t know about. While that doesn’t always make life easy, it can provide esteem and a feeling of love and value that helps young adults to launch successfully.