Bringing date to work party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he cute ? I’ll take him to mine

He’s very handsome and the life of the party type. I didn’t ran to offend him, I just not sure where things are going with us after only 6 months.

If it's 6 months, you should know where things are going

And if he's being a crybaby about a work party, that should tell you a lot right there.

Under no circumstances should you bring anything but a life partner to a work gathering. And most life partners are not going to like it anyway.

Some dude craving to go to your office party is quite weird. It's not healthy. Most men will avoid that like the plague. They do it out of necessity. No man thinks there's a good time.

Agree. I can honestly see being a little bummed about it but that's something I would keep to myself. Like, I wouldn't even bring up my insecurity up to my boyfriend, much less complain about not going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, consider taking him to the party, but as your neighbor or even cousin. Someone you have along history with and is lots of fun especially in a holiday setting. Arrive together, leave separately, then return together. Might sound like overthinking it, but better safe than sorry, lol.

Ugh, no. This is not just "overthinking it," this is silly game-playing. And the BF would have to be willing to go along with this, which he might not be.

This isn't how adults handle things like this.

OP said no, he's being a child about it, and maybe it's time for her to break up if he can't handle a simple no and she can't decide if they're serious.

PP, maybe it is a matter of a more fleshed out back story. If neighbor or cousin aren't fitting roles, maybe BF could be a widower (widow was OP's dear friend going back to middle school days, science fairs, late-night rap sessions and so on.) He is in town looking at some prize real estate (plans to start an equestrian center) and OP invited him along as a special treat meant to lift his spirits. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Your view: Don't want to bring someone you may not be with long term. Will make you look bad.

His view: You're not bringing him to the party to hide him from your co-workers/friends.

Both views have solid merits. The question is if you two can have an honest conversion about it. He should be fine with your point of view, however it also shows your relationship isn't very strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your view: Don't want to bring someone you may not be with long term. Will make you look bad.

His view: You're not bringing him to the party to hide him from your co-workers/friends.

Both views have solid merits. The question is if you two can have an honest conversion about it. He should be fine with your point of view, however it also shows your relationship isn't very strong.

I think that his view actually means he has some ignorance about workplace norms, not that the relationship isn't strong. I would find it odd if I was introduced to a boyfriend of 6 months at a work party. I wouldn't think less of them, but it would be odd.

[Anonymous]

It doesnt sound like youre that into him if you dont know where things are going at 6 mons in. And he got the message loud and clear.

Maybe your workplace has some of these judgy janes like pps in this thread, but I wouldnt think anything of being introduced to someones bf of 6 mons. At my old work people would bring friends, moms, bfs, roommates etc to the xmas party. It doesnt have to be for only married people.

[Anonymous]

^^My line of work is the opposite. Spouses rarely attend any party or event, because they are for business and not fun. It’s cringe to bring a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^My line of work is the opposite. Spouses rarely attend any party or event, because they are for business and not fun. It’s cringe to bring a date.

I have found this to be the norm as well. Work events are for the employees. It's unusual to bring a spouse or partner. However, it depends on the type. Some events are for family as well. But, most holiday work events are for employees only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been seeing bf for 6 months and he’s upset I didn’t want to bring him to my work Christmas party. Before him I was married for 15 years and always brought my ex-DH. I have no problem bringing someone new but only if we are very serious. I don’t want to bring a new date every year. I think it ooos tacky. Am I being uptight?

I’ve been dating this man for three months. I agreed to go to his work party last weekend. He casually called me his gf in the car on the way there. I said I was surprised because to me, it involves a discussion about goals, etc. He looked at me as if I were an alien. I didn’t elaborate because we were almost there. He introduced me as his gf. The party was nice but I felt a bit awkward. I just wish I had handled the whole thing better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird he wants to go to someone else’s work party.

This, and the only reason I could think of where someone would want to attend a work party would be if it was somewhere fabulous with over-the-top food and entertainment. Or great swag for every attendee.

Unless OP is a Wolf of Wall Street and it's suddenly 1985, that's likely not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird he wants to go to someone else’s work party.

This, and the only reason I could think of where someone would want to attend a work party would be if it was somewhere fabulous with over-the-top food and entertainment. Or great swag for every attendee.

Unless OP is a Wolf of Wall Street and it's suddenly 1985, that's likely not the case.

That’s what I think he expects. But her reputation will be on the line and nosys will be asking how he’s doing 6 months from now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been seeing bf for 6 months and he’s upset I didn’t want to bring him to my work Christmas party. Before him I was married for 15 years and always brought my ex-DH. I have no problem bringing someone new but only if we are very serious. I don’t want to bring a new date every year. I think it ooos tacky. Am I being uptight?

I’ve been dating this man for three months. I agreed to go to his work party last weekend. He casually called me his gf in the car on the way there. I said I was surprised because to me, it involves a discussion about goals, etc. He looked at me as if I were an alien. I didn’t elaborate because we were almost there. He introduced me as his gf. The party was nice but I felt a bit awkward. I just wish I had handled the whole thing better.

Goals? What goals? You two are DATING. Wow, you need "goals" just to be boyfriend and girlfriend these days? You need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been seeing bf for 6 months and he’s upset I didn’t want to bring him to my work Christmas party. Before him I was married for 15 years and always brought my ex-DH. I have no problem bringing someone new but only if we are very serious. I don’t want to bring a new date every year. I think it ooos tacky. Am I being uptight?

I’ve been dating this man for three months. I agreed to go to his work party last weekend. He casually called me his gf in the car on the way there. I said I was surprised because to me, it involves a discussion about goals, etc. He looked at me as if I were an alien. I didn’t elaborate because we were almost there. He introduced me as his gf. The party was nice but I felt a bit awkward. I just wish I had handled the whole thing better.

Goals? What goals? You two are DATING. Wow, you need "goals" just to be boyfriend and girlfriend these days? You need help.

Thank you for your kind reply. Actually yes, to me being bf/gf means you’re entering a relationship and it’s important to me to understand if we’re on the same page regarding what we’re looking for, long term goals, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^My line of work is the opposite. Spouses rarely attend any party or event, because they are for business and not fun. It’s cringe to bring a date.

Perhaps it depends on the workplace. OP said she used to previously bring her spouse, so it doesnt seem like its one of these.

My current work is mostly remote, so no real xmas party. But my last job was a big gala style night with two tix so you could bring whoever you wanted. My husbands was a weekend at a hotel in the mountains, family friendly and they had a kids xmas party at the same time as the adult xmas party to keep the kids entertained, and family brunch the day after.

If your workplace is no spouses allowed at the party, then sure, dont bring a bf. But if its open to all and you get 2 tix, I dont see an issue with bringing a bf.

Either way, my first comment still stands. She isnt that into him if she doesnt know where this is going at 6 mons in.

[Anonymous]

Are you dating a 25 year old? Because I can't believe a fully grown adult would be upset over not getting to go to a party .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he cute ? I’ll take him to mine

He’s very handsome and the life of the party type. I didn’t ran to offend him, I just not sure where things are going with us after only 6 months.

If it's 6 months, you should know where things are going

And if he's being a crybaby about a work party, that should tell you a lot right there.

Under no circumstances should you bring anything but a life partner to a work gathering. And most life partners are not going to like it anyway.

Some dude craving to go to your office party is quite weird. It's not healthy. Most men will avoid that like the plague. They do it out of necessity. No man thinks there's a good time.

I mostly agree with this.

My one exception is op has been acting like she's not interested in other ways