In-laws bizarre dynamic: living together edition
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Anonymous
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Op here.
Question about mortgages. FIL is now isolating himself and refusing to join in with the family for Christmas celebrations. He is still deeply offended my SIL told him to not use a steel potato masher on her teflon pots. My husband is refusing to discuss any of this with his brother or Dad. I looked up the home sale, it turns out FIL sold the home above market value. We all assumed FIL had sold it for well under market value in exchange for "always having a room" … Can you take out an initial mortgage and get a large sum of cash back for debt consolidation or other purchases? BIL/SIL have not done any major renovations, the home is still pretty much as is aside from some painting and small fixes. The home was assessed at 565K and sold for 632K, DH and I were under the assumption the house was purchased for 400K. So either BIL took out a different type or mortgage or FIL just took complete advantage and my BIL/SIL are the suckers here. None of this makes sense. I don’t understand how or why FIL would still act like he owns the home despite that BIL bought it free and clear *at market value* …. |
Anonymous
| You need to model your husband and stay out of this. |
Anonymous
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You’re too involved in this, OP. You need to butt out and let SIL and BIL deal with this.
Your IL’s behavior is selfish and outrageous. |
Anonymous
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IL didn’t sell their house. They conned BIL/SIL to pay them for the privilege of providing elder and end of life care. For above market rate. BIL/SIL should sell the house and move on.
What have IL done with the money they received from their “sale”? |
Anonymous
OP, having read this, FIL can well afford to hire an Uber to take him back and forth to the hospital. You and DH cannot afford to lose your jobs. |
Anonymous
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It doesn’t sound confusing to me at all. It sounds like your BIL/SIL agreed to be full time carers and landlords (who don’t get paid) to their parents for as long as they live for the lump sum price of $300k.
Apparently they thought it was a reasonable deal and accepted the terms. Personally I would have run for the hills like you did but they didn’t. You should stay out of it. |
Anonymous
| Calm your tits and mind your own business. |
Anonymous
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I think this is a troll. First she says BIL paid 300K under market value, now she says he paid around 50K over market value? The story changes as more questions are asked.
Then she speaks about two SILs? One is husband's brother's wife, the brother that supposedly bought the house. Who is the other one who hangs stockings for her parents and whom FIL hates? Creative writing at its worst. When did DCUM turn into Reddit? |
Anonymous
| What a nightmare. SIL and BIL should sell at back to them and be done with it. |
Anonymous
| Please explain the stockings part, I totally don't get that. |
Anonymous
| Why was this thread revived? |
Anonymous
| There is a companion thread that linked back to this one. |
Anonymous
| You were smart. This is the kind of arrangement my in-laws and DH have been trying to push on me for going on 25 years now. I have to constantly be on the lookout for something like that to sneak up on me. It's basically in-laws wanting to move in, but doing it in a sneaky way that makes it seem like they are doing you a favor. |
Anonymous
Do you mean to say assessment or appraisal here? An assessment is by the county for tax purposes and tends to lag market value, so is always a significant amount lower than what a house would sell for. An appraisal gives a better idea of market value, but that number would not be publicly available. |
Anonymous
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I just want to flag that if everyone treated everyone as people, instead of trying to accomodate sense of obligation based on "family", none of this would have happened.
Doesn't matter if it's family, get a contract and make sure everyone has it legally vetted and agrees. No problems. |