If your kids move between two houses how do you handle clothes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have clothing that is designated Mom’s or Dad’s and stays there, or do they just go wearing and outfit and come back in another so the clothing ends up rotating?

What about special things?

I had joint custody as a kid. The latter for sure. Clothing moves, it all evens out. Try not to worry too much about it.

Special things move back and forth as needed (special event is at mom's this weekend, so pack your nice dress when you come). And as a teen, I definitely had some favorites (pants especially) that went back and forth with me. Less than 5 items at any given time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

I was not complaining. Read the thread. I was stating that sometimes it does not work to switch back and forth because sometimes the person you are dealing with makes it too difficult. It sucks either way, but I am taking the least worst option after doing the switch thing for years and the stress just not improving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

I was not complaining. Read the thread. I was stating that sometimes it does not work to switch back and forth because sometimes the person you are dealing with makes it too difficult. It sucks either way, but I am taking the least worst option after doing the switch thing for years and the stress just not improving.

I'm a pp and I'm amazed that you think sharing living space with this guy is going to be LESS stressful than some annoying texts and buying some clothes!

I think this is going to fall on deaf ears, but here goes...'Larlo and Larla, decide what you are taking to your dad's house. Whatever you take is what you will have, I will not answer texts for other things.' 'Exdh, Larlo and Larla arrived to your home with the items they chose to bring for this parenting time. I will not answer texts in relation to any items.'

Think about it OP. What happens if you do NOT bring over the blue sparkly shirt, or the underamor socks? Either Larlo and Larla survive without it until they come home, or dh buys it. Either way-they're fine and no one dies. And they'll bring the items next time!

[Anonymous]

This is the OP,

My only other post in this thread is the first. The kid that led me to ask this is 2, so he is neither texting nor packing for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

I was not complaining. Read the thread. I was stating that sometimes it does not work to switch back and forth because sometimes the person you are dealing with makes it too difficult. It sucks either way, but I am taking the least worst option after doing the switch thing for years and the stress just not improving.

I'm a pp and I'm amazed that you think sharing living space with this guy is going to be LESS stressful than some annoying texts and buying some clothes!

I think this is going to fall on deaf ears, but here goes...'Larlo and Larla, decide what you are taking to your dad's house. Whatever you take is what you will have, I will not answer texts for other things.' 'Exdh, Larlo and Larla arrived to your home with the items they chose to bring for this parenting time. I will not answer texts in relation to any items.'

Think about it OP. What happens if you do NOT bring over the blue sparkly shirt, or the underamor socks? Either Larlo and Larla survive without it until they come home, or dh buys it. Either way-they're fine and no one dies. And they'll bring the items next time!

They want a shared home so they can control everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP,

My only other post in this thread is the first. The kid that led me to ask this is 2, so he is neither texting nor packing for himself.

Get a cheap pair of clothes and shoes to pass back and forth. Don’t hand over the coat if it does not come back as they should not wear a coat in a car seat anyway. We’d keep separate clothing and shoes at hour house, wash the other clothing and shoes well, repair as needed and send them back in the same clothing. If I found good deals I’d send new clothing but it rarely was given to the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP,

My only other post in this thread is the first. The kid that led me to ask this is 2, so he is neither texting nor packing for himself.

Get a cheap pair of clothes and shoes to pass back and forth. Don’t hand over the coat if it does not come back as they should not wear a coat in a car seat anyway. We’d keep separate clothing and shoes at hour house, wash the other clothing and shoes well, repair as needed and send them back in the same clothing. If I found good deals I’d send new clothing but it rarely was given to the child.

This is what I would do at this age. Child goes back in whatever they came in. Keep your own coats (at this age you can get thrift/free coats easily). If you dressed up child for some reason on a swap day (holiday, event, ect) I'd put them back in the outfit they came from other parent's in, and not send the dress up items.

The good thing about this age is that it's way cheaper to buy clothes and hand me downs abound.

[Anonymous]

Joint custody is GARBAGE!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

I was not complaining. Read the thread. I was stating that sometimes it does not work to switch back and forth because sometimes the person you are dealing with makes it too difficult. It sucks either way, but I am taking the least worst option after doing the switch thing for years and the stress just not improving.

I'm a pp and I'm amazed that you think sharing living space with this guy is going to be LESS stressful than some annoying texts and buying some clothes!

I think this is going to fall on deaf ears, but here goes...'Larlo and Larla, decide what you are taking to your dad's house. Whatever you take is what you will have, I will not answer texts for other things.' 'Exdh, Larlo and Larla arrived to your home with the items they chose to bring for this parenting time. I will not answer texts in relation to any items.'

Think about it OP. What happens if you do NOT bring over the blue sparkly shirt, or the underamor socks? Either Larlo and Larla survive without it until they come home, or dh buys it. Either way-they're fine and no one dies. And they'll bring the items next time!

Did you miss the part when I said we have nested before? It was infinitely easier. Kids stuff in one place is less stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

I was not complaining. Read the thread. I was stating that sometimes it does not work to switch back and forth because sometimes the person you are dealing with makes it too difficult. It sucks either way, but I am taking the least worst option after doing the switch thing for years and the stress just not improving.

I'm a pp and I'm amazed that you think sharing living space with this guy is going to be LESS stressful than some annoying texts and buying some clothes!

I think this is going to fall on deaf ears, but here goes...'Larlo and Larla, decide what you are taking to your dad's house. Whatever you take is what you will have, I will not answer texts for other things.' 'Exdh, Larlo and Larla arrived to your home with the items they chose to bring for this parenting time. I will not answer texts in relation to any items.'

Think about it OP. What happens if you do NOT bring over the blue sparkly shirt, or the underamor socks? Either Larlo and Larla survive without it until they come home, or dh buys it. Either way-they're fine and no one dies. And they'll bring the items next time!

Did you miss the part when I said we have nested before? It was infinitely easier. Kids stuff in one place is less stressful.

Well, you guys stopped doing it for some reason, which will undoubtedly occur again. Good luck though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

I was not complaining. Read the thread. I was stating that sometimes it does not work to switch back and forth because sometimes the person you are dealing with makes it too difficult. It sucks either way, but I am taking the least worst option after doing the switch thing for years and the stress just not improving.

I'm a pp and I'm amazed that you think sharing living space with this guy is going to be LESS stressful than some annoying texts and buying some clothes!

I think this is going to fall on deaf ears, but here goes...'Larlo and Larla, decide what you are taking to your dad's house. Whatever you take is what you will have, I will not answer texts for other things.' 'Exdh, Larlo and Larla arrived to your home with the items they chose to bring for this parenting time. I will not answer texts in relation to any items.'

Think about it OP. What happens if you do NOT bring over the blue sparkly shirt, or the underamor socks? Either Larlo and Larla survive without it until they come home, or dh buys it. Either way-they're fine and no one dies. And they'll bring the items next time!

Did you miss the part when I said we have nested before? It was infinitely easier. Kids stuff in one place is less stressful.

Well, you guys stopped doing it for some reason, which will undoubtedly occur again. Good luck though.

We stopped doing it due to a Covid lockdown. I gave up the lease. Naysayers like you said nesting would not work permanently so I bought a separate house when Covid improved. We never would have stopped nesting if Covid lockdown did not happen…I would have kept the apt.

Nesting was far easier for both and for kids. Less transition, less communication and we saw each other less (so swithes). Easier for one of us to go to apt than switch kids and there were zero annoying texts about kid stuff. Not all divorces are the same. There is less communication between parents for us with nesting. Better all around.

[Anonymous]

My ex has primary custody, but I keep weather appropriate wardrobes and shoes etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

I was not complaining. Read the thread. I was stating that sometimes it does not work to switch back and forth because sometimes the person you are dealing with makes it too difficult. It sucks either way, but I am taking the least worst option after doing the switch thing for years and the stress just not improving.

I'm a pp and I'm amazed that you think sharing living space with this guy is going to be LESS stressful than some annoying texts and buying some clothes!

I think this is going to fall on deaf ears, but here goes...'Larlo and Larla, decide what you are taking to your dad's house. Whatever you take is what you will have, I will not answer texts for other things.' 'Exdh, Larlo and Larla arrived to your home with the items they chose to bring for this parenting time. I will not answer texts in relation to any items.'

Think about it OP. What happens if you do NOT bring over the blue sparkly shirt, or the underamor socks? Either Larlo and Larla survive without it until they come home, or dh buys it. Either way-they're fine and no one dies. And they'll bring the items next time!

Did you miss the part when I said we have nested before? It was infinitely easier. Kids stuff in one place is less stressful.

Well, you guys stopped doing it for some reason, which will undoubtedly occur again. Good luck though.

We stopped doing it due to a Covid lockdown. I gave up the lease. Naysayers like you said nesting would not work permanently so I bought a separate house when Covid improved. We never would have stopped nesting if Covid lockdown did not happen…I would have kept the apt.

Nesting was far easier for both and for kids. Less transition, less communication and we saw each other less (so swithes). Easier for one of us to go to apt than switch kids and there were zero annoying texts about kid stuff. Not all divorces are the same. There is less communication between parents for us with nesting. Better all around.

So why haven't you gone back to nesting in the 3+ years since covid lockdowns?

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Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

Then stop complaining.

I was not complaining. Read the thread. I was stating that sometimes it does not work to switch back and forth because sometimes the person you are dealing with makes it too difficult. It sucks either way, but I am taking the least worst option after doing the switch thing for years and the stress just not improving.

I'm a pp and I'm amazed that you think sharing living space with this guy is going to be LESS stressful than some annoying texts and buying some clothes!

I think this is going to fall on deaf ears, but here goes...'Larlo and Larla, decide what you are taking to your dad's house. Whatever you take is what you will have, I will not answer texts for other things.' 'Exdh, Larlo and Larla arrived to your home with the items they chose to bring for this parenting time. I will not answer texts in relation to any items.'

Think about it OP. What happens if you do NOT bring over the blue sparkly shirt, or the underamor socks? Either Larlo and Larla survive without it until they come home, or dh buys it. Either way-they're fine and no one dies. And they'll bring the items next time!

Did you miss the part when I said we have nested before? It was infinitely easier. Kids stuff in one place is less stressful.

Well, you guys stopped doing it for some reason, which will undoubtedly occur again. Good luck though.

We stopped doing it due to a Covid lockdown. I gave up the lease. Naysayers like you said nesting would not work permanently so I bought a separate house when Covid improved. We never would have stopped nesting if Covid lockdown did not happen…I would have kept the apt.

Nesting was far easier for both and for kids. Less transition, less communication and we saw each other less (so swithes). Easier for one of us to go to apt than switch kids and there were zero annoying texts about kid stuff. Not all divorces are the same. There is less communication between parents for us with nesting. Better all around.

So why haven't you gone back to nesting in the 3+ years since covid lockdowns?

Because I bought in 2021. You know you lose money in a real estate transaction if you sell too quickly, right? I have been waiting to break even. That is this spring.