If your kids move between two houses how do you handle clothes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a headache and I would never recommend this custody split to anyone. Parents like it. Not great for kids. Dc has clothes at both but as they get older and more attached to certain items, it is an issue

I agree. I suggested a nesting routine, which would have made our kids’ lives so much easier. It was a hard no from my ex.

Generally they have a set of clothes at both our places and it’s up to them to remember to pack each week. They have a big Lands End bag that usually is enough for the their stuff for the week.

It would be a hard no from me too. I don’t want to share space with my ex, even if we aren’t there at the same time.

The needs of the parents have to be prioritized here. The children’s needs are secondary.

At least you're honest about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a headache and I would never recommend this custody split to anyone. Parents like it. Not great for kids. Dc has clothes at both but as they get older and more attached to certain items, it is an issue

I agree. I suggested a nesting routine, which would have made our kids’ lives so much easier. It was a hard no from my ex.

Generally they have a set of clothes at both our places and it’s up to them to remember to pack each week. They have a big Lands End bag that usually is enough for the their stuff for the week.

It would be a hard no from me too. I don’t want to share space with my ex, even if we aren’t there at the same time.

The needs of the parents have to be prioritized here. The children’s needs are secondary.

Yikes. I’ve seen this attitude from a lot of divorced parents, but it’s still jarring to see it admitted out loud

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

It works fine. Either he gives you money to buy for his house or he figures it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

[Anonymous]

I demanded full supplies at both houses but I had a high conflict divorce and everything is a struggle. I set a very hard boundary and the kids have learned to be more responsible with things they want to carry between houses. They’re in middle school now but it was hard early on. Kids did step up and are better than most in terms of responsibility.

All that said, in the moment I learned how quickly this turns into the problem adult trying to upset the other adult by keeping or destroying items, forgetting that the kids suffer.

It’s also a great way to financially abuse a lower earning adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a headache and I would never recommend this custody split to anyone. Parents like it. Not great for kids. Dc has clothes at both but as they get older and more attached to certain items, it is an issue

I agree. I suggested a nesting routine, which would have made our kids’ lives so much easier. It was a hard no from my ex.

Generally they have a set of clothes at both our places and it’s up to them to remember to pack each week. They have a big Lands End bag that usually is enough for the their stuff for the week.

It would be a hard no from me too. I don’t want to share space with my ex, even if we aren’t there at the same time.

The needs of the parents have to be prioritized here. The children’s needs are secondary.

You have this backwards, the child's needs should always come first above all else, as far as I'm concerned nesting should be mandatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

[Anonymous]

They spend every other weekend at their dad's. They pack a bag Thursday night and he picks up the bags from my place, on his way to then pick them up from school Friday. He drops them off Sunday night with the same bag. They have toiletry that stays at his house for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a headache and I would never recommend this custody split to anyone. Parents like it. Not great for kids. Dc has clothes at both but as they get older and more attached to certain items, it is an issue

I agree. I suggested a nesting routine, which would have made our kids’ lives so much easier. It was a hard no from my ex.

Generally they have a set of clothes at both our places and it’s up to them to remember to pack each week. They have a big Lands End bag that usually is enough for the their stuff for the week.

It would be a hard no from me too. I don’t want to share space with my ex, even if we aren’t there at the same time.

The needs of the parents have to be prioritized here. The children’s needs are secondary.

You have this backwards, the child's needs should always come first above all else, as far as I'm concerned nesting should be mandatory.

Most cannot afford three homes and what happens when one had an affair and is with the ap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a headache and I would never recommend this custody split to anyone. Parents like it. Not great for kids. Dc has clothes at both but as they get older and more attached to certain items, it is an issue

I agree. I suggested a nesting routine, which would have made our kids’ lives so much easier. It was a hard no from my ex.

Generally they have a set of clothes at both our places and it’s up to them to remember to pack each week. They have a big Lands End bag that usually is enough for the their stuff for the week.

It would be a hard no from me too. I don’t want to share space with my ex, even if we aren’t there at the same time.

The needs of the parents have to be prioritized here. The children’s needs are secondary.

You have this backwards, the child's needs should always come first above all else, as far as I'm concerned nesting should be mandatory.

Most cannot afford three homes and what happens when one had an affair and is with the ap?

That's their problem to sort out, the child shouldn't have to sacrifice anything at all just because their parents failed to get along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

It seems like this could create more problems. Your ex could leave big messes for you to clean and you couldn’t stop him. He could refuse to take out the trash or leave the toilet seats up. He could leave the dishes for you and ignore your organization system. Like all the stuff couples fight about, but with your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

You sound like the problem. If the kids text you tell them to go ask Dad. If he cannot find something, tell him to order or go buy a new one. You are enabling him.

I know I am enabling him. But it is easier to do that than to have a fallout and more stress. He is 50. He is not changing. He is not someone who is 30 who is capable of change. Two houses don't work. One is best for the kids and my sanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The going back and forth was too much. He would not buy clothes. I was sick of buying the same thing for two kids for two houses. Divorced 4 years. We are going to start nesting: I can’t switch the toys and clothes any more.

I would prefer separate houses if he would buy stuff. He won’t. Kids did not mind switching.

Why are you switching toys and clothes? I'm assuming the kids are at least school aged (if divorced 4 years already). That's old enough to understand that toys stay at the house. Send them in whatever clothes he sent them to you in. He can buy clothes at his house. If he refuses to clothe his children, then it's time to speak to your lawyer-perhaps he needs less parenting time.

No way would I start 'nesting' because the fool won't buy clothes for his kids.

My ex is an attorney. Not with the fight. He will not buy what they need. No one can force him to do that. They don’t want to leave certain toys behind. I feel like I am taking care of two houses rather than one. Nesting will be much easier with less communication and no switching…we did it temporarily before and it was far easier. Two houses don’t work in my situation.

Being an atty doesn't mean he can get away with child neglect. Do the kids wear the same outfit for the days they are with him? Like, they have nothing there? Or, do they have clothes there but just not ones you prefer. If he truly refuses to provide them with necessities, then you need to speak to your lawyer about that. As far as the toys, either have the kids leave the toys at your house, or let them know that they are responsible for bringing home whatever toys they take to their dad's house.

Frankly, I'd much rather buy a few extra clothes and toys than have my exdh nesting in my home, and we're amicable!

I would rather nest than get constant text messages from my kids about where the clothes they want to wear are or get constant text messages from him that he can’t find anything in the house. Any supplies for their activities and those have to be carded back-and-forth as well and I’m sick of buying things for two houses because he just won’t buy them. Sometimes I bill them bill him for them but I’m still getting constant messages from him or from the kids about their stuff and I’m sick of handling all the stuff. Easier to nest. I’ve been divorced for years and it’s not going to get better so I might as well make it as easy for myself as possible and admit the nesting is really the better situation for everyone involved in this particular scenario.
My stress level is through the roof with the switching and keeping track of crap into places and buying things for two places. It’s just too much to deal with. Easier for the adults to rotate than the kids. Someone is always forgetting something somewhere and it’s just too much.

It seems like this could create more problems. Your ex could leave big messes for you to clean and you couldn’t stop him. He could refuse to take out the trash or leave the toilet seats up. He could leave the dishes for you and ignore your organization system. Like all the stuff couples fight about, but with your ex.

We have nested. He is a neat freak as I am I. Cleanliness is not an issue. Your assumed problem does not exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a headache and I would never recommend this custody split to anyone. Parents like it. Not great for kids. Dc has clothes at both but as they get older and more attached to certain items, it is an issue

I agree. I suggested a nesting routine, which would have made our kids’ lives so much easier. It was a hard no from my ex.

Generally they have a set of clothes at both our places and it’s up to them to remember to pack each week. They have a big Lands End bag that usually is enough for the their stuff for the week.

It would be a hard no from me too. I don’t want to share space with my ex, even if we aren’t there at the same time.

The needs of the parents have to be prioritized here. The children’s needs are secondary.

You have this backwards, the child's needs should always come first above all else, as far as I'm concerned nesting should be mandatory.

Most cannot afford three homes and what happens when one had an affair and is with the ap?

That's their problem to sort out, the child shouldn't have to sacrifice anything at all just because their parents failed to get along.

As if life were as simple and easy as you make it.