MIL buys way too many gifts for Christmas

[Anonymous]

My MIL buys every grandchild (12 of them) and child (5 plus partners) and great grand child (3) about 15-20 items from the dollar store or 5 below.
She stopped for 2 years and gave money (which my kids loved), but now we are back to getting crap. My house is 1300 square feet, I do not have room for the 25th blanket and 99th candle she bought, and the toys break immediately. It makes me irrationally mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She finally stopped buying husband and I junk (scarves, hats, trinkets) and instead gives us gift cards (with a few pieces of junk in the stocking). I have been begging my husband for years to ask her to stop buying our kids so many gifts. I end up throwing them out because they don't play with them and it takes up space, or it's crap like candy. I don't want them to think Christmas is about gifts (it should be about being together!) DH has refused my requests to ask her to stop buying them SO many gifts. She buys them about 10 gifts, 1-2 from my BIL and then we may do a few. That's nearly 20 gifts and just not the kind of holiday I envision. I wonder why it's better for him to deal with my nagging of "too many gifts! please stop it!" versus him having a simple conversation "hey mom, we're going to focus on only a few bigger gifts this year".

Anyone else?

Look, your views are reasonable and valid. But just stop. Stop the nagging. Stop the hand-wringing. It's not helping and you come off as annoying and controlling, whether that is fair or not. You cannot control this aspect of your MIL (my mom is the same). Be GRATEFUL. Thank her. And then get rid of the stuff, if you must. Take a deep breath. Move on.

Just stop. Really. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Christmas should be about being together!"

And also being clenched and glowering at your kids' grandmother. While we all get that it's a bit over the top, do you want their memories of you at the holidays being a total sourpuss because someone gave them stuff you don't approve of?

I say this kindly and attempting to be helpful but, OP, THIS is a good post. ^^^^ And tread lightly as this will be how you're remembered. As Elsa said: LET.IT.GO.

[Anonymous]

My mom used to cry every Christmas. You guys bought way too much! All these gifts! It's too much! Why did you do this? It ruined the whole mood when I was a kid. I was always worried about my mom crying and complaining while opening presents than actually enjoying opening presents. Who bought you (me) that!? Hold it up! That's way too much! Who bought it for you? They spent way too much!!!

So. Much. Guilt...

I suspect my mother was a covert/vulnerable narcissist. If she saw us enjoying ourselves, it had to be ruined.

I'm in my 50s, and I still hear her voice in my head every year when I open my (few) gifts. That's too much! Do you really deserve it? How much did they spend on you?

Just let your kids enjoy opening gifts. That is what it is about.

[Anonymous]

^^And I remember receiving a few gifts as a kid that I was too quietly guilty to play with because of my mom's reactions to opening/having Christmas gifts. Why did they get you that? Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be grateful. And, donate it, including candy. Your throwing it away is worse, imo.

Agree!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She finally stopped buying husband and I junk (scarves, hats, trinkets) and instead gives us gift cards (with a few pieces of junk in the stocking). I have been begging my husband for years to ask her to stop buying our kids so many gifts. I end up throwing them out because they don't play with them and it takes up space, or it's crap like candy. I don't want them to think Christmas is about gifts (it should be about being together!) DH has refused my requests to ask her to stop buying them SO many gifts. She buys them about 10 gifts, 1-2 from my BIL and then we may do a few. That's nearly 20 gifts and just not the kind of holiday I envision. I wonder why it's better for him to deal with my nagging of "too many gifts! please stop it!" versus him having a simple conversation "hey mom, we're going to focus on only a few bigger gifts this year".

Anyone else?

MILs damned if they do damned if they don't. And no I never felt like you. You sound petty.
Some women on here don't realize their own controlling behavior yet scream it to the world about their husband's actions.
Why can't you just be grateful your MIL cares ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She finally stopped buying husband and I junk (scarves, hats, trinkets) and instead gives us gift cards (with a few pieces of junk in the stocking). I have been begging my husband for years to ask her to stop buying our kids so many gifts. I end up throwing them out because they don't play with them and it takes up space, or it's crap like candy. I don't want them to think Christmas is about gifts (it should be about being together!) DH has refused my requests to ask her to stop buying them SO many gifts. She buys them about 10 gifts, 1-2 from my BIL and then we may do a few. That's nearly 20 gifts and just not the kind of holiday I envision. I wonder why it's better for him to deal with my nagging of "too many gifts! please stop it!" versus him having a simple conversation "hey mom, we're going to focus on only a few bigger gifts this year".

Anyone else?

MILs damned if they do damned if they don't. And no I never felt like you. You sound petty.
Some women on here don't realize their own controlling behavior yet scream it to the world about their husband's actions.
Why can't you just be grateful your MIL cares ?

Not OP.
MILs (and moms) like this are making it about themselves. They are told over and over to give one nice gift and not mountains of junk. Instead of respecting my wishes, they ignore it and try to control Christmas giving. Why am I the bad person when I don’t want to fill the landfill with plastic or have bins of stuff stacked in my house? In case of my MIL, I have told her I cannot keep any of her gifts unless it’s something the kids have asked for. Why can’t she respect that gifting should be about the recipient and not the giver?

[Anonymous]

Donating the gifts isn’t the solution everyone thinks it is. That’s an entire activity: deciding who will accept the donations, scheduling a pickup or finding time to drop it off. Some donation places have inconvenient times. Some are too full to accept things after the holidays.

It becomes a whole unnecessary activity for the gift receiver if it’s too much stuff.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing you can do but it feels good to vent, whether here or to a friend.Both my mom and MIL want to wrap up mountains of junk from 5 Below, dozens of junky presents...and get offended if the kids don't love it.
My own grandparents used to give us a candy bar and a check for our savings account. Not very exciting but I adored them anyway and I sure appreciated it later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Donating the gifts isn’t the solution everyone thinks it is. That’s an entire activity: deciding who will accept the donations, scheduling a pickup or finding time to drop it off. Some donation places have inconvenient times. Some are too full to accept things after the holidays.

It becomes a whole unnecessary activity for the gift receiver if it’s too much stuff.

^^^this is literally not a thing. I have never had any issue whatsoever dropping off or schduling a pickup, before, during, or after the holidays. You're making sh-- up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She finally stopped buying husband and I junk (scarves, hats, trinkets) and instead gives us gift cards (with a few pieces of junk in the stocking). I have been begging my husband for years to ask her to stop buying our kids so many gifts. I end up throwing them out because they don't play with them and it takes up space, or it's crap like candy. I don't want them to think Christmas is about gifts (it should be about being together!) DH has refused my requests to ask her to stop buying them SO many gifts. She buys them about 10 gifts, 1-2 from my BIL and then we may do a few. That's nearly 20 gifts and just not the kind of holiday I envision. I wonder why it's better for him to deal with my nagging of "too many gifts! please stop it!" versus him having a simple conversation "hey mom, we're going to focus on only a few bigger gifts this year".

Anyone else?

It's her money and her joy. You are a miserable person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Donating the gifts isn’t the solution everyone thinks it is. That’s an entire activity: deciding who will accept the donations, scheduling a pickup or finding time to drop it off. Some donation places have inconvenient times. Some are too full to accept things after the holidays.

It becomes a whole unnecessary activity for the gift receiver if it’s too much stuff.

^^^this is literally not a thing. I have never had any issue whatsoever dropping off or schduling a pickup, before, during, or after the holidays. You're making sh-- up.

NP. Yea, actually, it is just another thing moms get burdened with. I’m glad PP spoke up. Why can’t the gift giver respect the recipients wishes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She finally stopped buying husband and I junk (scarves, hats, trinkets) and instead gives us gift cards (with a few pieces of junk in the stocking). I have been begging my husband for years to ask her to stop buying our kids so many gifts. I end up throwing them out because they don't play with them and it takes up space, or it's crap like candy. I don't want them to think Christmas is about gifts (it should be about being together!) DH has refused my requests to ask her to stop buying them SO many gifts. She buys them about 10 gifts, 1-2 from my BIL and then we may do a few. That's nearly 20 gifts and just not the kind of holiday I envision. I wonder why it's better for him to deal with my nagging of "too many gifts! please stop it!" versus him having a simple conversation "hey mom, we're going to focus on only a few bigger gifts this year".

Anyone else?

It's her money and her joy. You are a miserable person

It’s all about MIL and HER joy, everyone else be darned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Donating the gifts isn’t the solution everyone thinks it is. That’s an entire activity: deciding who will accept the donations, scheduling a pickup or finding time to drop it off. Some donation places have inconvenient times. Some are too full to accept things after the holidays.

It becomes a whole unnecessary activity for the gift receiver if it’s too much stuff.

^^^this is literally not a thing. I have never had any issue whatsoever dropping off or schduling a pickup, before, during, or after the holidays. You're making sh-- up.

Where do you think donated gifts end up? The US government has very successfully set up goodwill and Purple Heart to trick Americans into thinking donated items end up being used to make us feel good about buying more stuff. It mostly ends up in poor countries.

https://www.vox.com/the-goods/22700581/aja-barber-consumed-book-fast-fashion-ghana